Dear Erik,
I am 15 years old and I am
going with a boy my 0 n age.
y parent don't know about
him. They have told me that
they feel I'm too young to date
or go with a boy. So I have
lied to them. If I tell them that
I have a boyfriend they will
b mad and m e u breakup.
I have to keep telling more
lie but I think my mother is
b ginning to find out. What
ouId I y to her?
, ,"" .. , .
. - . .. . � ,
THE CITIZE
Erik Washington
you job or bo u it 0
·tive. loyal. Be careful
ho you to about your
person bu· . Be friendly
°t the oth employee. Do
your job if you in c
eday you will be •
"Dear Dr. Faulkner:
I ju can't seem to put the
pieces of my life together.
It i ju like a puzzle. I don't
have all of the pieces of the
puzzle of my life that I need
for success and the ones that I
do have em to be scattered
all over the place. How can I
get it together? r. Ira. J.,
Toronto."
Dear r. Ira J.:
Here are the m g p
of your puzzle. (You can repeat
the, exp . n or record them
on pe d r en to them each
day . I be imaginative
(fmd new my
life); I
"For the look
of Excellence"
'TUES. - FRI. - 8 a.m. - 6 p.m.
SAT. 8 a.m. - 4 p.m.
CLOSED MON.
lOR CITIZENS DAY TUES.
926-6388
271 E. E PIRE
BE 0 HARBOR
"Terri",
Roano e, Virginia
opinion
t you d 'boys'. Then yo
beco ore m ture
rapo Keep your .ade
up! A to your friend
over for • Sunday afternoon
dinner. Do ever ho
hold chores you h. e ithout
be to to do them. And
by all means be hone !
Sincerely,
E W • gton
.. .. .. Got a problem? Need
an answer? Or do you just want
to talk? Then write to: 'Dear
Erik " Times Square Station,
P,O. Box 755, New York, New
COP. G
How to be the best you
"Dear Dr. Faulkner:
I ha ju graduated from
high hool and ill begin my
flr job next ee. Can you tell
me ho to conduct my If on
the job that I don't get
fired? Cathy, Baltimore."
appreciative; patient ith others;
I will be adaptable (flexible,
open-me ed, b to chan
I will be a cheerful, happy
person (p t e, on't
burden others with my pro­
b m); I will be versatile de­
velop intere . many different
); I will be persistent
(never leave an . ent until
its completed); I will be enthusi­
astic (give all of my If to
everythin I do ); I ill be
positive; I ant to know more
(kno I po er dint
to be • po nuJ peno ; I
be proud of me; I will me
the physical posture and mental
ttitude an important per-
son - aI y; I ill work harder
and longer; I ill value my time,
I will be healthy; honest with
my If and others; I will have a
of humor; u good
judgement; I ill be tl jed
only ·th tbe best; I will be
unique becau I am unique;
I will be outgoing; a good
li tener; I will be curious; I
will be courteous; prove my
courage by . I. tand ben
thin get tough; but I will not
ttle for second be .
.
13
Are you keeping
Your etcoholic drunk?
mother."
4. Taking over the family
finance and other responsi ilit­
ie . aking all the -decisions.
Taking control.
5. Accepting alibis and ex­
cu s in pite of their better
judgment.
6. Drinking with the alcoho­
lie. Attempting to show him!
her an example of drunken
behavior or to control the
amount the alcoholic consume.
7. agging or consistent emp­
ty threats. This behavior im­
plies concern with the problem
but actually negate any real
action.
8. voiding talk about drink­
ing or drug use. Also, avoiding
talk about finances or other
topics that might cause conflict.
9. Becomin as loving and
affectionate as possible or just
the opposite, withholding love
and affection.
10. Cutting back on social
life or family activities. Al 0,
giving up healthy outside in­
terests.
11. Turning to complusive
behavior, i.e., pills, food, re­
ligion.
12. Denying alcoholism is a
di ase. Encouraging the alcoho­
lic to use willpower to control
or stop his/her drinking.
I t take two for dependency
to continue, says Scarry, the
alcoholic and chief enabler.
Bu t when the enabling behavior
is discontinued, chances are the
alcoholic can begin to ee the
extent of the problem and get
help.
os treatment centers, in­
cluding e Horizons, provide
help for family members. Those
interested in more information
• can call 1-616-927-5433. AI ,
Alanon, self-help group for
family member based on the
principles of Alconolics Anony­
mous, provides free information.
Check your phone directory.
Whenever Joan K.'s husband
had a hangover and she called
the office to explain that he had
• the flu" again, she felt vaguely
guilty.
Every time Sara B.'s n ran
out of money and she urreptit­
iously gave him more without
her husband's knowledge, she
felt afraid and ashamed.
And hen lawyer Don C.
used his conn ctions at city
hall to "flx" his wife's DUI
citation, he was filled with
resentment and anger.
Different as their problems
may appear Joan and Sarah
and Don are dealing with the
same dilemmas that face at
least 10 million American famil­
ies. They are living with an
alcoholic. And like nearly
everyone who lives with, works
with or loves an alcoholic,
they are doing the best they
kno ho to be helpful. But
what Joan and Sarah and Don
don't know is that their be­
havior actually perpetuates the
disease. In the parlance of
the alcoholism treatment field,
they are called "enablers."
What are some of the en­
abling behaviors that co­
alcoholics take on? According
to Scarry, any behavior that
ignore the real problem is
enabling. Among the most
common, she lists 12.
1. Taking away the crises.
Covering bad checks, bailing
someone out of jail, loaning
money, flxing wrecked cars.
2. Covering up. Calling the
office with excuse or doing the
work for the person. Telling
lies to cancel ocial or family
engagements.
3. Becoming the "peace-
maker". Attempting to elimi­
nate any stress. within the
family. "Leave your father
alone, you know he's had a­
rough day". Or, "I know it's
not your tum to do the dishes,
but ju t don't fight with your
•
Home of the Blues
Broo Iyn Bar & Grill
379 Territorial, B.H.