THE CITIZE
7
MARCH 3 - 9, 1986
T
e Enablers:
He p or Harm for Alcoholics
Everyone agrees Su an S.
h a tough life. Her husband,
ar drin too much. She
continually h s to apologize for
him, get him out of crape
me' excu . She never know
hen or if he' coming home or
whether he 11 be with or without
the paycheck.
Susan S. i ju t about the
most patient, understanding,
tolerant person anyone know .
Her friend all say they wouldn t
put up with the thing she' puts
up with. "That Susan,' they
v,' hat I saint."
The thing Susan' friends
don't know about her is that
far from being saint J she'
ctually killing her hu band.
Susan is hat's known in the
alcoholism field an Enabler.
And, in fact, she's suffering from
the dise of alcoholism just
much as ark.
Treatment expert Kathleen
Scarry, Executive Direction of
e Horizons Reco ry Center .
ys that for every alcoholic
ho continues to drink there's
t le one non-alcoholic ho
is unwittingly enabling the
drinking to continue.
UAn Enabler i omeone who
protect th lcoholoc from
experiencin to complete, often
harmful, con uence of hi
or her drinking,' ys Scarry.
E ry time an Enabler shields
the alcoholic from the re ults
of the drinking, he or· he
ield the lcoh lie from in­
sight to the problem.
An impo ible ituation? ot
if the Enable can recognize
their beh vior and change it,
Y rry . .f But ho doe one
recognize en bling? .
According to arry any
family member friend or co­
worker who doe for the
coholic what the alcoholic
ould normally do for himself
enabling.
"The Enabler ill cancel
cial events, pour booze down
the drain, stay home with the
alcoholic - anything to make
ure the drinking doe t t
out of control," ys Scarry.
Wh t can be done? The
first thing people must realize,
ccording to Scarry, i that
coholisrn is a dise And
th t both the alcoholic and the
Enabler uffer from it.
"There arc four basi c be­
h viors other s ta e on that
enable the alcoholic to con-
tinue drinking,' ys Scarry,
"rationalizing, projecting,
avoidance and trying to con­
trol."
The Enabler is under the
mistaken idea that the alcoholic
drinks because he chooses to,
rather than becau he must,
says Scarry. Con equently, he
or e re ponds to drinking
behavior in one of two way.
One, by excusing it because,
although it' een unusual,
it' till normal. "It was a party,
everyone drank too much, or
''vacation is vacation, after all,"
or "everyone needs to blow off
little stearn sometimes."
The cond respon excuses
the behavior because it's en
the re ult of another pro­
blem - job pre ures, stress,
loneliness. A cornmon reaction
of the Enabler, according to
Scarry, i to accept respon­
sibility for the drinking. "It's
my fault he got drunk. I should
have ... or I shouldn't have ... "
ext, in order for the alcoho­
lic to continue drinking, he
projects the blame for his
behavior onto others. The
problem for the Enabler is
that she ccepts this blame.
Thi projecting forces both the
alcoholic and the Enabler to
focu on the Enabler's be-
havior. ow the pot light
i no longer on the alcoholic,
and the di ase can continue
unabated.
Those not clo e to the
alcoholic acquaintances I
fellow employees di tant re­
latives - can choo to avoid
the alcoholic at this' stage of
hi drinking. Seldom does a
formerly friendly neighbor ay,
Look, Mar , we're not inviting
you to any more barbecues
becau of your drinking be­
avior." Instead, they simply
top inviting Mark and Susan
to their parties. What they've
really done, ys Scarry, is
enable the alcoholic to con­
tinue drinking.
According to Scarry as the
di se progre s, family mem­
bers and others gradually stop
expressing their feeling. They
don't talk about their emotions
of anger, hame, hurt or fear.
The drinking becomes their
, cret." They feel guilt and
If-recrimination. And they
accept responsibility for the
alcoholic's intoxication.
ow, the more the alcoholic
drinks, the more the Enabler
feel responsible and inadequate.
Their self -e teem is so hoo ed
in with the alcoholic's drinking,
the only way to get any po itive
feelings i by controlling the
drinking.
'The Enabler mu t learn to
recognize enabling behavior,'
she says. 'They need to begin
talking to meone about their
feelings. And to get all the
inf nnation they can about
alcoholism and the role of the·
family member friend or em­
ployer.
"They are contr lled by the
alcoholic s drinking, but as soon
as they ta e orne kind of
po itive action they ill begin
to regain ontrol of their own
lives and find me orely­
needed elf-esteem and our­
age, Scarry concluded.
Al-Anon, a elf-help group
for families and friends of
alcoholics provides information
about alcoholism and its effects
on the family. ew Horizons
also has free information. Tho
interested can call 927-5433.
Join Gail Shee . y
for a celebratio
of to day's
· woman.
Gail Sheehy,
author of
Paaaga and
Pathfintkn
Whether you're a teenager or a
grandmother single, newly married
or divorced working at home or in
the office, "In Celebration of Today's
Woman" is a day just for you.
Keynote speaker Gail Sheehy, author
of Pa sages and Pathfinders, will
set the tone for a series of workshops
designed for women at all ages and
stages of life.
Learn about managing your diet and
managing your money, dealing with
stress and dealing with teenagers
coping with preschoolers or the prob­
lems of alcoholism - and other con­
cerns of women today.
Come be a part of an exciting day of
learning and sharing.
In Celebration of Tod y' Wom n
S turd y, arch 8, 1986
9:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
St .. do eph High School
2521 Stadium Drive
St. Jo eph, Michigan 49085
Registration including lunch and
all materials is 25.00. Students and
women over 65 15.00. Visa and
Mastercard are welcome. Plea e regis­
ter by March 4, 1986.
For more information or to register
call The Women's Health Resource
Center, 616/927-5132 8:30 a. m. to
4:30 p.rn., Monday - Friday,
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ST. JOSEPH • .ENTON ., I
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