NOVEMBER 7 • 2024 | 9
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It’s an issue families around the community face as 

they attempt to balance Jewish communal and secu-
lar responsibilities and interests. 

Clergy, Jewish professionals and the Jewish com-
munity are committed to meeting parents where 
they are and finding pathways to Jewish pride, joy 
and responsibility that are sincere and authentic, he 
emphasized. But fitting that into family life in 2024 
takes lots of adaptation. 
“
All of us need to be dedicated to understanding 
the complexities of parenting in this crazy time we 
live in, and we all need to rally to come together and 
meet this moment with excitement, with enthusiasm 
and with hope,
” he said. 

For Andrea Monkman of West Bloomfield, her 
husband, Daniel, and their two daughters, 14 and 12, 
the kids’ activities and family bat mitzvahs have been 
a cause for conversation. 
“My younger daughter’s bat mitzvah is in May; my 

niece’s is in March,
” she 
said. “There’s a volleyball competition on my niece’s 
bat mitzvah.
” Those decisions come on the heels of 
the High Holidays, which she remembers having to 
reschedule tests for when she was a student herself. 
“I haven’t had that issue school-wise with the kids, 
because we live in this area, but it is an issue.
”
Making choices around Jewish commitments and 
secular obligations isn’t easy, she said, but thinking 
big-picture can help. “
At the end of the day, you’re 
not going to remember some volleyball competition, 
but you’re going to remember being at a bat mitz-
vah. Right now, at the moment, [the competition] 
is what’s important to them, so there is a balance in 
trying to figure these things out.
” 
For the Monkman family, they’re planning to 
skip the competition, but made sure to clear it with 
the coach before accepting the spot on the team, 
fully aware it could have been a deal breaker. “It’s 
not, but it might have been,
” she said. 
Her older daughter, meanwhile, has regional 
meets for gymnastics, one of which falls on the 
bat mitzvah of a family friend. “Hopefully, it’s a 
Havdalah service, hopefully she’ll be done,
” she 
said. “Otherwise, my husband and I might split 
up for it; if she misses them, she can’t be on the 
team.
”
Driving lessons, too, brought up a potential 
conflict, said Monkman, explaining that their 
older daughter’s driving lessons stood to hit High 
Holiday dates this year. 
But being Jewish is a lifestyle for their family, 
she said. “It’s very important to know who you are 

and be proud of who you are, respect who you are, 
and have other people respect you for who you are as 
well,
” she explained. “
And if we want others to respect 
us as a people, as a religion, we have to do the same. 
No one would ever say, ‘You have to take a driver’s 
training class on Christmas or Easter;’ that would be 
unheard of. So, I think it has to be the same for us. I 
think we have to stand up as a group, as a communi-
ty, and demand that be the case.
”

PRIORITIZING JEWISH OBLIGATIONS
For some, when the choice comes up between Jewish 
and secular opportunities, it can’t be 
evenly balanced, said Rabbi Asher 
Lopatin, rabbi at Kehillat Etz Chayim in 
Huntington Woods. “I really do believe 
we have to prioritize the Jewish tradi-
tions and the Jewish obligations,
” he 
said, adding that some families choose 
Jewish day schools to try and reduce the 
pressure of missing school. 
“I love this world and love getting whatever we can 
from this world and being part of it, and showing our 
kids all the opportunities, but, at the end of the day, I 
think we have to prioritize the Jewish side,
” he said.
Families can set the bar in showing their children 
how valuable Judaism is, he said, while syna-

The Monkman family

CLOCKWISE FROM BOTTOM LEFT: Dana Poliak, 
15, is a sophomore cheerleader at Walled Lake 
Central High School. Ori Glaser, 11, a sixth-grader 
at Geisler Middle School, is in the orchestra. Ori 
and his brother Yoav Glaser, 12, both run cross- 
country at Geisler Middle School.

continued on page 10

Rabbi 
Asher 
Lopatin