NOVEMBER 7 • 2024 | 9
J
N
It’s an issue families around the community face as
they attempt to balance Jewish communal and secu-
lar responsibilities and interests.
Clergy, Jewish professionals and the Jewish com-
munity are committed to meeting parents where
they are and finding pathways to Jewish pride, joy
and responsibility that are sincere and authentic, he
emphasized. But fitting that into family life in 2024
takes lots of adaptation.
“
All of us need to be dedicated to understanding
the complexities of parenting in this crazy time we
live in, and we all need to rally to come together and
meet this moment with excitement, with enthusiasm
and with hope,
” he said.
For Andrea Monkman of West Bloomfield, her
husband, Daniel, and their two daughters, 14 and 12,
the kids’ activities and family bat mitzvahs have been
a cause for conversation.
“My younger daughter’s bat mitzvah is in May; my
niece’s is in March,
” she
said. “There’s a volleyball competition on my niece’s
bat mitzvah.
” Those decisions come on the heels of
the High Holidays, which she remembers having to
reschedule tests for when she was a student herself.
“I haven’t had that issue school-wise with the kids,
because we live in this area, but it is an issue.
”
Making choices around Jewish commitments and
secular obligations isn’t easy, she said, but thinking
big-picture can help. “
At the end of the day, you’re
not going to remember some volleyball competition,
but you’re going to remember being at a bat mitz-
vah. Right now, at the moment, [the competition]
is what’s important to them, so there is a balance in
trying to figure these things out.
”
For the Monkman family, they’re planning to
skip the competition, but made sure to clear it with
the coach before accepting the spot on the team,
fully aware it could have been a deal breaker. “It’s
not, but it might have been,
” she said.
Her older daughter, meanwhile, has regional
meets for gymnastics, one of which falls on the
bat mitzvah of a family friend. “Hopefully, it’s a
Havdalah service, hopefully she’ll be done,
” she
said. “Otherwise, my husband and I might split
up for it; if she misses them, she can’t be on the
team.
”
Driving lessons, too, brought up a potential
conflict, said Monkman, explaining that their
older daughter’s driving lessons stood to hit High
Holiday dates this year.
But being Jewish is a lifestyle for their family,
she said. “It’s very important to know who you are
and be proud of who you are, respect who you are,
and have other people respect you for who you are as
well,
” she explained. “
And if we want others to respect
us as a people, as a religion, we have to do the same.
No one would ever say, ‘You have to take a driver’s
training class on Christmas or Easter;’ that would be
unheard of. So, I think it has to be the same for us. I
think we have to stand up as a group, as a communi-
ty, and demand that be the case.
”
PRIORITIZING JEWISH OBLIGATIONS
For some, when the choice comes up between Jewish
and secular opportunities, it can’t be
evenly balanced, said Rabbi Asher
Lopatin, rabbi at Kehillat Etz Chayim in
Huntington Woods. “I really do believe
we have to prioritize the Jewish tradi-
tions and the Jewish obligations,
” he
said, adding that some families choose
Jewish day schools to try and reduce the
pressure of missing school.
“I love this world and love getting whatever we can
from this world and being part of it, and showing our
kids all the opportunities, but, at the end of the day, I
think we have to prioritize the Jewish side,
” he said.
Families can set the bar in showing their children
how valuable Judaism is, he said, while syna-
The Monkman family
CLOCKWISE FROM BOTTOM LEFT: Dana Poliak,
15, is a sophomore cheerleader at Walled Lake
Central High School. Ori Glaser, 11, a sixth-grader
at Geisler Middle School, is in the orchestra. Ori
and his brother Yoav Glaser, 12, both run cross-
country at Geisler Middle School.
continued on page 10
Rabbi
Asher
Lopatin