8 | NOVEMBER 7 • 2024 J
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H

illary Glaser of Walled Lake knows all 
about trying to navigate Jewish and secular 
activities with her family. She, her hus-
band Craig, kids Yoav, 12, Ori, 11, and their foreign 
exchange student visitor, Dana, 15, have busy sched-
ules that constantly require them to reflect on their 
priorities as they try to fit it all in.
She’s had Yoav and Ori attend Hebrew school 
at Adat Shalom on Sundays, but not always on 
Wednesdays, when it could be too far and too hectic 
to get there. Now a middle schooler, when Ori was 
in elementary school, he had joined a travel soccer 
team and had conflicting commitments, for exam-
ple, she said. 
“I told his coach I get that we’re supposed to be 
there, but we’re also paying for Hebrew school, so 
that’s an obligation. It’s important for our kids to 
learn their culture and to learn the history of their 
people, but I’m also paying for travel soccer, so 
sometimes we have to give a little bit here or there.
” 
Or when Yoav had occupational therapy on 
Wednesdays, and that was the only time they could 
fit him in, she said, they had to choose to put that 

first. 
Now she’s got middle schoolers and Dana, a high 
schooler taking part in JV cheerleading almost every 
day after school, while the boys are in cross-country 
with weekly meets. 
“It’s a hard balance of how do we institute 
Jewishness and help them grow their Jewish identity 
at home? Because I feel like you can’t just rely on 
your synagogue or the Hebrew school to help your 
kids love Judaism more and to teach them more,
” 
she said. “
A lot of it comes from the home and what 
you do, what you instill in your children, the rou-
tines and rituals, and traditions that you do with 
them.
” 
Everyone’s non-negotiables are different, she said, 
from her friends who put keeping Shabbat as central 
to those who draw the line at bringing non-kosher 
food into the home, to those who choose to gather 
for Shabbat dinner or attend synagogue as a family. 
Glaser said her goal is to help her kids find joy 
and meaning in the holidays. Her family attends 
High Holiday services, decorates for Sukkot and 
talks about why it matters, and marks Shabbat 

together. “I know my kids are going to grow older 
and want to go out with their friends on a Friday 
night — Dana goes almost every Friday night to 
varsity football games — and our non-negotiable 
was you have to at least do the candle lighting and 
challah, all the Shabbat prayers before you go out,
” 
she explained.

PRESSURE AND JUDGMENT
There’s a lot of pressure on parents and so much 
judgment around navigating the worlds of commu-
nity participation, spiritual life and extracurriculars, 
said Congregation Shaarey Zedek’s 
Rabbi Yoni Dahlen. Trying to raise 
healthy kids who have the chance to be 
challenged, make friends, see the world 
and take part in diverse activities in the 
broader community as well as prioritize 
Jewish identity and engagement is a tall 
order, he recognized. 

“
All of these are important, and when 
they’re all important, the family calendar begins to 
look absolutely insane,
” he said. 

Parents grapple with kids’ secular and religious obligations.

Rabbi Yoni 
Dahlen

KAREN SCHWARTZ CONTRIBUTING WRITER

OUR COMMUNITY
COVER STORY

Finding
Balance

