34 | OCTOBER 3 • 2024 J
N

T

o err is human, to forgive Divine …” 
Alexander Pope, “An Essay on Criticism,” 
1711.
Pope, a Catholic poet and satirist who was 
banned from attending public schools by preju-
dicial English laws, had more in common with 
Judaism than one might expect, especially regard-
ing the concept of forgiveness.
The 10 Days of Repentance, which fall between 
Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, are tradition-
ally a time to engage in self-reflection and seek 
forgiveness from the people we have hurt during 
the past year. The Hebrew word for repentance 
is teshuvah, literally translated as “return.” This 
means we are expected to turn away from past 
mistakes and return to the spiritual person living 
inside. This is accomplished by repenting for our 
wrongs and forgiving the people who have caused 
us harm. 
Putting this seemingly simple concept into 
practice is more challenging than it appears. In 
addition to swallowing our pride and admitting 
we were wrong, we must also let go of old resent-
ments and forgive those who have hurt us. This 
can seem like a daunting task, but Jewish law 
obliges us to make things right between ourselves 
and the people in our lives, and to do so in a 
meaningful way that goes beyond superficial apol-
ogies or insincere expressions of forgiveness.
This was the timely subject of a pre-holiday 
presentation featuring Susan Shapiro, native 
Detroiter and bestselling author of the insight-

ful memoir, The Forgiveness Tour: 
How to Find the Perfect Apology 
(Skyhorse Publishing, 2023, see story 
on page XX) and Gary Weinstein, the 
Farmington Hills man who publicly 
forgave the drunk driver who killed 
his wife and two young sons in 2005. 
The program, which took place at 
Temple Israel in West Bloomfield, was 
moderated by longtime Detroit News 
columnist Laura Berman.
Motivated by her inability to forgive 
a betrayal by a central person in her 
life, Shapiro set out to learn about for-
giveness from spiritual leaders, men-
tal health professionals and everyday 
people across the country who had grappled with 
forgiving those who had wronged them, often in 
irreparable, life-altering ways.
According to Shapiro, there are four essential 
components of a meaningful apology, a con-
cept she discovered in the book On Apology by 
Dr. Aaron Lazare, who attributes the idea to 
Maimonides, the 12th century Jewish scholar: 
• Acknowledge and take responsibility for your 
mistake
• Explain why it happened
• Confirm that it won’t happen again 
• Offer reparations for healing
The concept is akin to the apologies Jews are 
expected to proffer on Yom Kippur, and it also 
bears a strong resemblance to the amends proce-

dure outlined in the Twelve Step program used by 
Alcoholics Anonymous and other fellowships. 
Recovering addicts and alcoholics conduct a 
“searching and fearless moral inventory” that 
includes fears, resentments and harm they have 
caused to others. The ultimate goal is to identify 
the character defects that caused the negative 
behavior and work toward self-improvement, 
much like the self-examination we perform in the 
days leading up to Yom Kippur.

LIVING AMENDS
Reparations is an equally important part of the 
amends process outlined in the Twelve Steps.
The most basic examples involve money or 
material items, such as returning stolen funds or 
goods, or establishing a payment plan for an over-
due debt. However, most reparations are not that 
tangible, and many wrongs can never be righted. 
Weinstein’s family cannot be brought back to 
life, no matter how sincerely the driver apolo-
gized. The damage caused by an abusive parent 
or spouse cannot be undone, and the hurt a child 
suffers at the hands of a bully can last a lifetime. 
However, it is possible to repent 
for harms that cannot be undone by 
making a “living amends.” 
According to Rabbi Benny 
Greenwald, recovery rabbi at the 
Daniel B. Sobel Friendship House 
in West Bloomfield, which provides 
support for people recovering from 

 Forgive
 and
Let Go

It’s what we’re asked to do for Yom Kippur.

RONELLE GRIER CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Rabbi 
Benny 
Greenwald

Gary 
Weinstein

Susan 
Shapiro

YOM KIPPUR

