84 | SEPTEMBER 26 • 2024 
J
N

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tephanie Appel of Bloomfield 
Hills says she wants to make 
sure the Jewish holidays 
are special for her 14-year-old. 
The holidays look a little different 
because she and her daughter’s father 
are divorced, but her family lives in 
the area, and they make the best of 
it, she explains. 
 “I definitely want the holidays 
to have meaning,” Appel says. “We 
do things with our family; we have 
meals, we sometimes go to services, 
we sometimes observe in our own 
way, not going to services, but we 
always try to make every holiday 
occurrence special, whether it’s 
lighting candles or eating special 
foods.” 
Navigating the High Holidays 
looks different for families after 
divorce, but with some flexibility 

and an eye toward creating happy 
memories for kids, it’s doable, albeit 
sometimes difficult, say parents 
and professionals involved in the 
experience. 
Kids of different ages 
have different needs, 
but the ideas around 
starting new traditions 
and meaningful 
experiences for and with 
them is the same, says 
Jessica Woll, a family 
law attorney in Bloomfield Hills who 
wrote a book on divorce. 
“We can create happy memories, 
and we’re in charge of making or 
breaking that possibility for kids,” 
she says.
In terms of logistics, it’s important 
to communicate in advance what 
plans are going to be, so there’s no 

gray area or last-minute running to 
court to sort it out, she says. “And 
you should never put your kids in 
the middle of the conversation,” 
says Woll, adding that some parents 
in the cases of amicable divorces 
choose to work it out case by case. 
“Put it in writing and never involve 
your children in that.”
Meanwhile, parents should try 
to refrain from speaking ill of the 
other parent over the holiday, even if 
they’ve been wronged, she explains. 
“I think we should be on hyper 
alert, be on our best behavior for the 
holidays.” 

‘SPLITTING THE HOLIDAYS’
In Bloomfield Hills-based Appel’s 
case, sorting out the holidays has 
been especially problematic because 
of the nature of her high-conflict 

divorce, she says. “I have to fight for 
everything Jewish, period,” Appel 
says. “Even something like having 
two overnights for Rosh Hashanah 
and two overnights for Yom Kippur, 
if they don’t fall on my parenting 
time, these are things that have been 
fights for 11 years.” 
Now remarried, Appel says she 
advises other parents going through 
a divorce to get good legal advice 
from a strong lawyer, so they can 
make a plan for parenting time that 
includes the specifics, including 
Jewish holidays, before they even ink 
the paperwork. 
“I’ve had to come to terms with, 
not accepting it, but I have to 
manage how I feel about it and move 
forward, because I can’t do anything 
about it,” she says. “I just have to 
remind myself that, you know what, 
if we can’t celebrate it on that day, we 
have other days where we can make 
it up and make it special.” 
Splitting two-day holidays can 
be easier than splitting a day-
long holiday like Thanksgiving, 
says Brett Sherman, 
a Birmingham-based 
licensed therapist 
dealing with children 
and families. And how 
the holiday planning 
goes often comes down 

Making a 
Meaningful Holiday

Navigating the High Holidays after divorce demands 
compromise and flexibility.

KAREN SCHWARTZ CONTRIBUTING WRITER

ROSH HASHANAH

Jessica 
Woll

Brett 
Sherman