6 | AUGUST 29 • 2024
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PURELY COMMENTARY
opinion
B’nai Mitzvah, and Then What?
N
ow that summer is winding
down, the annual family
battle for post-b’nai mitzvah
education will begin. While the
majority of American Jewish families
want their children
to have a bar or bat
mitzvah, for many that
ceremony has evolved
into an ending rather
than a new beginning.
This is not a
new phenomenon.
The Jewish Telegraphic
Agency noted in
February 1966 that “the bar or bat
mitzvah drop-off is well known
and documented.” I remember a
study distributed by the Washington
Board of Jewish Education in the
1980s showed fewer than 5% of
b’nai mitzvah candidates continued
with their education, voluntary or
otherwise.
It’s true that most congregations
don’t even boast a program, in part
due to lack of participation but
also from economic necessity. Yet
that same study found students
who attended even one year of
post-b’nai mitzvah education
had a significantly lower rate of
intermarriage/assimilation. While
there were obviously other factors at
play, this does seem to indicate that
any amount of post education has
an effect all out of proportion when
compared to other congregational
educational experiences.
The sense of obligation or Jewish
guilt that once prompted parents
to enroll their children in these
programs has waned. If the children
aren’t eager to attend, parents are
less inclined to insist. With an
overwhelming percentage of families
having two working parents and
children’s schedules brimming with
extracurricular activities, post-b’nai
mitzvah Jewish education isn’t a
priority, and often becomes the first
casualty, squeezed out of an already
packed calendar.
It is ironic that parents allow
their teens complete control to
decide about their Jewish lives when
there is so little autonomy granted
them in almost everything else.
Parents decide where to live and
what schools they will attend. They
direct social groups, extracurricular
activities, holiday visits, homework
and food choices, to name only a
few. But Jewish education is ceded to
them.
Part of the reason is that after-
school religious programs are
perceived solely as children’s affairs.
Another part of the reason is that
parents themselves are disengaged
from Jewish learning. When children
witness their parents’ disinterest, the
message is clear — Judaism is only
for the very young.
And this is a shame, for adolescent
minds are inquiring ones and they
will seek out experiences that satisfy
this need. I remember a study
that stated that even in the most
healthy families, adolescents will
spend less than seven minutes a
day in meaningful interaction with
their parents, yet will spend hours
each day absorbing values from
peers, teachers and the internet.
Jewish education presents a unique
opportunity to learn from role
models whose values are known and
can lead to a future of value-laden
involvement.
As a retired rabbi with over 40
years in pulpits, I am still in touch
with more of my post-b’nai mitzvah
students than those who dropped out
after the ceremony. If that is not a
testament as to how important these
programs are, I’m not sure what is.
Rabbi Steven Bayar serves as interim rabbi
at Congregation B’nai Tzedek in Potomac,
Maryland. Ordained by the Reconstructionist
Rabbinical College, he is rabbi emeritus of
Congregation B’nai Israel in Millburn, New
Jersey, where he served the pulpit for 30
years, and formerly served as interim rabbi at
Congregation Agudas Achim in San Antonio,
Texas. He is a member of the Rabbinical
Assembly and Rabbis Without Borders, and has
trained as a hospice chaplain, a Wise Aging
facilitator, and a trainer for safe and respectful
Jewish workspaces. He’s the co-author of
Teens & Trust: Building Bridges in Jewish
Education, Rachel & Misha and You Shall Teach
Them Diligently to Your Children: Transmitting
Jewish Values from Generation to Generation.
Rabbi Steven
Bayar
Times of
Israel