6 | AUGUST 29 • 2024 
J
N

1942 - 2024

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morale and spirit of the community and advocating Jewish unity, identity and continuity.

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PURELY COMMENTARY

opinion
B’nai Mitzvah, and Then What?
N

ow that summer is winding 
down, the annual family 
battle for post-b’nai mitzvah 
education will begin. While the 
majority of American Jewish families 
want their children 
to have a bar or bat 
mitzvah, for many that 
ceremony has evolved 
into an ending rather 
than a new beginning.
This is not a 
new phenomenon. 
The Jewish Telegraphic 
Agency noted in 
February 1966 that “the bar or bat 
mitzvah drop-off is well known 
and documented.” I remember a 
study distributed by the Washington 
Board of Jewish Education in the 
1980s showed fewer than 5% of 
b’nai mitzvah candidates continued 
with their education, voluntary or 
otherwise.
It’s true that most congregations 
don’t even boast a program, in part 
due to lack of participation but 
also from economic necessity. Yet 

that same study found students 
who attended even one year of 
post-b’nai mitzvah education 
had a significantly lower rate of 
intermarriage/assimilation. While 
there were obviously other factors at 
play, this does seem to indicate that 
any amount of post education has 
an effect all out of proportion when 
compared to other congregational 
educational experiences.
The sense of obligation or Jewish 
guilt that once prompted parents 
to enroll their children in these 
programs has waned. If the children 
aren’t eager to attend, parents are 
less inclined to insist. With an 
overwhelming percentage of families 
having two working parents and 
children’s schedules brimming with 
extracurricular activities, post-b’nai 
mitzvah Jewish education isn’t a 
priority, and often becomes the first 
casualty, squeezed out of an already 
packed calendar.
It is ironic that parents allow 
their teens complete control to 
decide about their Jewish lives when 

there is so little autonomy granted 
them in almost everything else. 
Parents decide where to live and 
what schools they will attend. They 
direct social groups, extracurricular 
activities, holiday visits, homework 
and food choices, to name only a 
few. But Jewish education is ceded to 
them.
Part of the reason is that after-
school religious programs are 
perceived solely as children’s affairs. 
Another part of the reason is that 
parents themselves are disengaged 
from Jewish learning. When children 
witness their parents’ disinterest, the 
message is clear — Judaism is only 
for the very young.
And this is a shame, for adolescent 
minds are inquiring ones and they 
will seek out experiences that satisfy 
this need. I remember a study 
that stated that even in the most 
healthy families, adolescents will 
spend less than seven minutes a 
day in meaningful interaction with 
their parents, yet will spend hours 
each day absorbing values from 

peers, teachers and the internet. 
Jewish education presents a unique 
opportunity to learn from role 
models whose values are known and 
can lead to a future of value-laden 
involvement.
As a retired rabbi with over 40 
years in pulpits, I am still in touch 
with more of my post-b’nai mitzvah 
students than those who dropped out 
after the ceremony. If that is not a 
testament as to how important these 
programs are, I’m not sure what is. 

Rabbi Steven Bayar serves as interim rabbi 

at Congregation B’nai Tzedek in Potomac, 

Maryland. Ordained by the Reconstructionist 

Rabbinical College, he is rabbi emeritus of 

Congregation B’nai Israel in Millburn, New 

Jersey, where he served the pulpit for 30 

years, and formerly served as interim rabbi at 

Congregation Agudas Achim in San Antonio, 

Texas. He is a member of the Rabbinical 

Assembly and Rabbis Without Borders, and has 

trained as a hospice chaplain, a Wise Aging 

facilitator, and a trainer for safe and respectful 

Jewish workspaces. He’s the co-author of 

Teens & Trust: Building Bridges in Jewish 

Education, Rachel & Misha and You Shall Teach 

Them Diligently to Your Children: Transmitting 

Jewish Values from Generation to Generation.

Rabbi Steven 
 
Bayar
Times of 
Israel

