JULY 11 • 2024 | 57
J
N
Forgiving a Wrong
W
e spend a good deal
of time focusing
on repentance
(teshuvah) as we come to
the High Holidays of Rosh
Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
There’s good reason.
Maimonides writes
in the Mishneh
Torah, “Even though
repentance and calling
out to God are desirable
at all times, during the
10 days between Rosh
Hashanah and Yom
Kippur, they are even
more desirable …”
This focus on
repentance, however,
should never hide the
fact that Jewish tradition
encourages us to see teshuvah
as a critical part of our lives
throughout the year. It is critical
not only because there may be
specific incidents that we need
to correct and for which to seek
forgiveness, but also because
teshuvah can play a powerful role
in shifting our path and setting
us in the right direction. Why
wait until the holidays for that?
One critical element
of teshuvah is asking for
forgiveness when we have done
something wrong. This turns
teshuvah into an exercise for two
people, not just one. And that
can be tricky because we must
consider the possibility that
forgiveness may be withheld.
We open ourselves up to
another, take responsibility for
our wrongdoing and sincerely
ask for forgiveness. There is
tremendous vulnerability in
that moment.
But let’s turn things around.
How should a person who is
being asked for forgiveness
behave in that moment? I find
that many people are familiar
with the idea that if a person
refuses to grant forgiveness
after being asked three times,
the wrongdoer no longer need
appease the person who was
originally wronged. There are
Jewish sources that do,
indeed, say this.
But I worry that this
teaching may unwittingly
lead us to think that
when we are wronged,
we can refuse a sincere
request for forgiveness;
that it is OK to refuse
to forgive, knowing that
someone can always ask
a second or a third time.
A midrash is a
good reminder that
we should never be
cruel or withholding when
someone sincerely asks for our
forgiveness. In the parshah, the
children of Israel ask Moses to
intercede with God on their
behalf after they have sinned.
Moses immediately does so.
The Midrash highlights this by
pointing out that once they said,
‘We sinned,
’ he was immediately
placated before them, as the one
from whom forgiveness is asked
must not become cruel.
”
There is the possibility that
the one who was originally
harmed may sense that they
have power over the person
standing before them. The
possibility of cruelty in
that moment is real. So is
the possibility of humility,
compassion and love. It is then
that we can model ourselves on
Moses and even on God who is
“compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in
kindness and faithfulness.
”
Rabbi Steven Rubenstein is rabbi
of Congregation Beth Ahm in West
Bloomfield.
SPIRIT
TORAH PORTION
Rabbi Steven
Rubenstein
Parshat
Chukkat:
Numbers
19:1-22:1;
Judges 11:1-
33.
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