JULY 11 • 2024 | 57
J
N

Forgiving a Wrong
W

e spend a good deal 
of time focusing 
on repentance 
(teshuvah) as we come to 
the High Holidays of Rosh 
Hashanah and Yom Kippur. 
There’s good reason. 
Maimonides writes 
in the Mishneh 
Torah, “Even though 
repentance and calling 
out to God are desirable 
at all times, during the 
10 days between Rosh 
Hashanah and Yom 
Kippur, they are even 
more desirable …”
This focus on 
repentance, however, 
should never hide the 
fact that Jewish tradition 
encourages us to see teshuvah 
as a critical part of our lives 
throughout the year. It is critical 
not only because there may be 
specific incidents that we need 
to correct and for which to seek 
forgiveness, but also because 
teshuvah can play a powerful role 
in shifting our path and setting 
us in the right direction. Why 
wait until the holidays for that?
One critical element 
of teshuvah is asking for 
forgiveness when we have done 
something wrong. This turns 
teshuvah into an exercise for two 
people, not just one. And that 
can be tricky because we must 
consider the possibility that 
forgiveness may be withheld. 
We open ourselves up to 
another, take responsibility for 
our wrongdoing and sincerely 
ask for forgiveness. There is 
tremendous vulnerability in 
that moment. 
But let’s turn things around. 
How should a person who is 
being asked for forgiveness 
behave in that moment? I find 
that many people are familiar 

with the idea that if a person 
refuses to grant forgiveness 
after being asked three times, 
the wrongdoer no longer need 
appease the person who was 
originally wronged. There are 
Jewish sources that do, 
indeed, say this.
But I worry that this 
teaching may unwittingly 
lead us to think that 
when we are wronged, 
we can refuse a sincere 
request for forgiveness; 
that it is OK to refuse 
to forgive, knowing that 
someone can always ask 
a second or a third time.
A midrash is a 
good reminder that 
we should never be 
cruel or withholding when 
someone sincerely asks for our 
forgiveness. In the parshah, the 
children of Israel ask Moses to 
intercede with God on their 
behalf after they have sinned. 
Moses immediately does so. 
The Midrash highlights this by 
pointing out that once they said, 
‘We sinned,
’ he was immediately 
placated before them, as the one 
from whom forgiveness is asked 
must not become cruel.
” 
 There is the possibility that 
the one who was originally 
harmed may sense that they 
have power over the person 
standing before them. The 
possibility of cruelty in 
that moment is real. So is 
the possibility of humility, 
compassion and love. It is then 
that we can model ourselves on 
Moses and even on God who is 
“compassionate and gracious, 
slow to anger, abounding in 
kindness and faithfulness.
” 

Rabbi Steven Rubenstein is rabbi 

of Congregation Beth Ahm in West 

Bloomfield.

SPIRIT
TORAH PORTION

Rabbi Steven 
Rubenstein

Parshat 

Chukkat: 

Numbers 

19:1-22:1; 

Judges 11:1-

33.

 

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