24 | JULY 4 • 2024 
J
N

I

t’s not a pleasant prospect, but each of 
us will eventually die. For family mem-
bers, the death of a loved one brings 
sadness and a sense of loss but also a need 
to deal with practical matters. 
 These include arrangements for a funeral 
or memorial service, burial and shivahs — 
decisions that must be made immediately. 
Sometimes the person who dies has told 
surviving family members or friends their 
preferences about these issues, but often 
that is not the case. Later, there is the need 
to handle the deceased individual’s person-
al belongings that are not covered in a will 
or trust.
A new guidebook, Two Envelopes: What 
You Want Your Loved Ones To Know When 
You Die, by Rusty Rosman offers practical 
advice to help families with the death of a 
relative. 
“I want to remove the layer of chaos that 
occurs with grief,
” she explains. Over the 
years, Rosman heard about families who 
had conflicts, including heated confron-
tations, about funeral arrangements for a 
relative or the disposition of their personal 
belongings.
Rosman, a former teacher and Metro 
Detroit commercial real estate agent, 
spent years helping her aging parents and 
in-laws. She encouraged her parents to 
write down what they wanted for their 
final arrangements, as well as allocation 
of their possessions that were not covered 
in legal documents. Her parents’ written 
instructions meant that Rosman and her 
three siblings could make decisions know-
ing that they had fulfilled their parents’ 
wishes. 
“My parents wanted their kids to be a 
cohesive unit and remain a family after 
they were gone,
” she explains.
Josh Tobias, funeral director at the Ira 
Kaufman Chapel, says that “most families 

are on the same page, but family dynamics 
are different with each family.
” 
He says that about half of those making 
funeral decisions choose what they think 
the deceased individual would want and 
the other half follow their own preferences. 
Rosman points out that funeral deci-
sions can be more complicated when sib-
lings or other surviving family members 
live in different regions because customs 
vary in different locations. She recom-
mends that decisions take into account 
local customs.
While Rosman’s book is written from a 
Jewish perspective, as part of her research, 
she spoke with funeral directors and clergy 
from many religious and ethnic groups. 
 By law, the decisions about burial 
arrangements are up to the next of kin, 
usually the spouse, Tobias says. Some 
individuals plan their funerals in advance, 
covering items that Rosman’s book rec-
ommends — the casket, shivah, charities 
for donations and number of death certifi-
cates, etc. “They don’t want their kids to be 
responsible,
” Tobias says. 
Rabbi Joseph Krakoff, CEO of Jewish 
Hospice and Chaplaincy Network 
(JHCN), who wrote a preface for the 
book, describes it as “a great motivation to 
help people to think about these things. I 
encourage everyone to talk about it when 
they’re healthy,
” he adds. 
When individuals are in hospice care, 
hospice staff members, including rabbis, 
may facilitate these conversations. “When 
an individual provides guidance, family 
members want to honor their wishes,
” 
Rabbi Krakoff says. 

“Two Envelopes” by Rusty Rosman, published this year 

by Front Edge Publishing, is available in paperback, 

hardcover and e-book from Amazon, and through 

some independent bookstores. The book is not 

intended to provide legal or financial guidance.

Local author’s new book helps people 
plan ahead as a gift for family members.

Planning Ahead 
for Death

SHARI S. COHEN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

OUR COMMUNITY

Rusty 
Rosman

RODNEY CURTIS

