1942 - 2024

Covering and Connecting 
Jewish Detroit Every Week

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DETROIT JEWISH NEWS 
FOUNDATION
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News will inform and educate the Jewish and general community to preserve, protect and sustain the Jewish 
people of greater Detroit and beyond, and the State of Israel.

VISION STATEMENT The Detroit Jewish News will operate to appeal to the broadest segments of the greater 
Detroit Jewish community, reflecting the diverse views and interests of the Jewish community while advancing the 
morale and spirit of the community and advocating Jewish unity, identity and continuity.

DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
32255 Northwestern Hwy. Suite 205,
Farmington Hills, MI 48334
248-354-6060
thejewishnews.com

 
 
Publisher
The Detroit Jewish News 
Foundation

| Board of Directors:
 Chair: Gary Torgow
 Vice President: David Kramer 
 Secretary: Robin Axelrod
 Treasurer: Max Berlin
 Board members: Mark Davidoff, 
 Michael J. Eizelman, Larry Jackier, 
 Jeffrey Schlussel, Mark Zausmer
 
 Executive Director:
 Marni Raitt 
 Alene and Graham Landau Archivist Chair: 
 Mike Smith
 Founding President & Publisher Emeritus: 
 Arthur Horwitz
 Founding Publisher 
 Philip Slomovitz, of blessed memory
 
 The Detroit Jewish News 
 Foundation Giving Society

 The Rebecca and Andrew Hayman Giving Fund
 Nancy and James Grosfeld
 The Honorable Bernard Friedman

 Editorial 
 Director of Editorial: 
 Jackie Headapohl
jheadapohl@thejewishnews.com
Contributing Editors: 
David Sachs, Keri Guten Cohen
Senior Staff Reporter: 
Danny Schwartz 
dschwartz@thejewishnews.com
Editorial Assistant: 
Sy Manello
smanello@thejewishnews.com 
Digital Manager:
Elizabeth King 
eking@thejewishnews.com 

Contributing Writers:
Nate Bloom, Rochel Burstyn, 
Suzanne Chessler, Shari S. Cohen, 
Louis Finkelman, Samantha Foon, 
Yevgeniya Gazman, Stacy Gittleman, 
Gary Graff, Esther Allweiss Ingber, 
Barbara Lewis, Jennifer Lovy, Rabbi 
Jason Miller, Alan Muskovitz, Karen 
Schwartz, Robin Schwartz, Steve Stein, 
Nathaniel Warshay, Julie Smith Yolles, 
Ashley Zlatopolsky 

 Advertising Sales 
Director of Advertising: Keith Farber
kfarber@thejewishnews.com
Senior Account Executive: 
Kathy Harvey-Mitton
kmitton@thejewishnews.com 

| Business Office
 Director of Operations: Amy Gill
 agill@thejewishnews.com
 Operations Manager: Ashlee Szabo 
 Circulation: Danielle Smith
 Billing Coordinator: Pamela Turner

| Production By 
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 Designers: Kaitlyn Iezzi, Kelly Kosek, 
 Michelle Sheridan 

6 | JUNE 27 • 2024 
J
N

I

’ve always been a bit awkward 
about the concept of shivah 
houses. As the comedian 
Modi jokes, it’s when we go to 
a houseful of mourners, pepper 
them with ridiculous amounts 
of food, stare at 
them in their most 
vulnerable, painful 
moments and ask 
dumb personal 
questions. 
On May 13, 
2024, after two 
months of being 
in a coma, my 
kind, gentle, warm, genuine 
36-year-old brother Yehuda Leib 
Greenwald had a cardiac arrest 
and passed away. It was the first 
time my siblings and I were 
required to sit shivah, which we 
did along with our parents. Here’s 
some of what we learned:
• This shivah stuff, there’s 
actually a point to it. The 
constant stream of visitors at 
what feels like a family reunion 

can be a distraction from the 
sharp pain of a such a shocking 
and terrible loss. Shivah can be a 
cushion to catch that initial blow.
• People climb out of the 
woodwork to pay their respects 
and, while it’s appreciated, it’s 
definitely a bit strange at times. 
One vaguely familiar lady looked 
me in the eye and earnestly 
informed me, “I’m good friends 
with your sister Rochel.
” I had 
to break it to her gently: “I AM 
Rochel.
” I hadn’t seen her in more 
than 30 years! 
• Jews speak with food. 
It’s incredibly helpful to not 
have to worry about grocery 
shopping, meal prep or even 
start thinking, “What do I want 
to eat?” The nonstop food is 
plentiful and generous and is 
always so appreciated. But there 
are also other ways to help 
mourners other than providing 
food, especially when there 
are kids involved. One friend 
took my kids in, washed their 

school uniforms, made sure they 
showered and brushed their 
teeth, fed them and gave them 
plenty of love and attention 
during the time when I couldn’t. 
• The simplest everyday 
question — “How are you?” — is 
suddenly the hardest to answer. 
No response feels quite right. 
• Only say “What do you 
need?” or “Call me if you need 
me,
” if you’re prepared to actually 
follow through with random 
requests. Better to be specific and 
genuine, like “Can I take your 
kids out for ice cream?” or even 
“Do you want a back massage?” 
• Embrace the fact that there 
are no words. The whole situation 
is tragic. We don’t understand 
why this happened. We’re angry 
at G-d. We’re in terrible pain. Do 
not come along and wax poetic 
about G-d’s will or silver linings 
— that’s obnoxious. Don’t start 
talking about the weather because 
you feel awkward sitting in our 
pained silence. Jewish tradition 
says mourners should initiate the 
conversation during shivah. If 
you feel terrible and don’t have 

any words, own it. Many people 
told us, “I don’t know what to 
say” and that spoke volumes. 
Some special friends just cried 
along with us and somehow that 
said even more. 
• Each visit, call, text and 
message meant something. 
The fact that people took time 
from their busy lives to show 
they cared was very humbling 
and appreciated. The most 
meaningful visits were from 
Yehuda Leib’s close friends 
and his childhood friends — 
there’s nothing like hearing 
heartwarming stories we didn’t 
know before. 
• The week ends quickly, but 
for the mourners it’s just the 
beginning. The numbness and 
grief that hasn’t had a chance to 
be processed will start to set in 
… We are forever changed. A 
piece of us is gone, our hearts 
are shattered, the world seems 
dimmer. 
Please don’t forget about us … 
and please never forget our loved 
one or be afraid to talk about 
him. 

PURELY COMMENTARY

essay

Lessons From Shivah

Rochel 
Burstyn
Contributing 
Writer

