30 | APRIL 4 • 2024
J
N
T
here’s an entire Talmudic debate
about how to best clean for Pesach.
Some say you’ve got to lift your
entire home with a crane, turn it upside
down and shake it free of chametz crumbs.
Others say so long as you
cannot see the crumbs,
you’re totally fine, so they’ve
created a loophole involving
special-for-Pesach blindfolds.
Most folks are somewhere
in the middle. They keep
their houses firmly rooted in
the ground and do their best
work with a phone. Meaning,
they call their cleaning help and add extra
hours in the weeks preceding Pesach.
There’s also the DIY method, which can be
very satisfying but has some unfortunate
side effects for your family. (“I just cleaned
that bathroom! Don’t use it!”)
I’ve been “making Pesach” for over two
decades now and, as a result, I feel autho-
rized to offer some tips:
THE SUBJECT SHOULD BE TABOO
When you meet people inside grocery
stores and start chatting over carts filled
with mountains of Pesach groceries, never
ask, “So ... What are you up to with Pesach
cleaning?”
There’s an unspoken theory: “
Anyone
who does more cleaning than me is nuts,
and anyone who does less than me isn’t
doing it right.
” Inevitably, one of you will
remind the other that purging or spring
cleaning is not Pesach cleaning ... and I’m
telling you, it might be true, but hearing
that after you’ve just spent hours washing
your windows or cleaning your light fix-
tures is just not good for any relationship.
Additionally, you might have felt all
good about your progress, but if someone
tells you that their house has been Pesach-
ready for days, and they’re already cooking
for the seder, believe me, it’s not going to
make you like them any more (unless they
invite you for a meal, in which case they’re
your new best friend).
No discussing Pesach preps. So what
should you talk about? The weather. That’s
why it’s changing now. Or look in your
shopping cart for conversation inspiration;
and ask the Fifth Question: Why is food
that’s kosher-for-Pesach quadruple its usual
price?
APPRECIATE YOUR APPLIANCES
We all have limits. At some point, we’re
just gonna say, “I’ve had enough,
” and plop
down with Netflix and chocolate. Well,
your poor overworked washing machine
will absolutely do the same. That’s why
there comes a time — usually in the week
before Pesach — that it’ll start shaking
and banging on the floor mid-cycle. Can’t
blame the machine. I sometimes feel like
doing that, too. So make sure your washer
also gets the occasional break, but maybe
without the Netflix and chocolate.
FEEL THE SLAVERY
It’s great to come to the seder smelling
faintly of bleach, with sore arm muscles
and sporting bags under your eyes (which
remind us of the bags that the Jews carried
out of Egypt). Even though our modern-
day “slavery” experiences aren’t exactly like
our forefathers ... Chances are they couldn’t
have even dreamed of fridges, bathrooms,
electricity, etc. ... Still, if you come to the
seder feeling exhausted and bone-tired
from cleaning, it can help you relate to the
slavery part of the Pesach story.
DON’T SWEAT THE MATZAH
CRUMBS
Finally, your house is spotless; not a
chametz crumb to be found; you know
where everything is, down to that freshly
sorted container of pens. (Who knew
you had so many pens? And why do they
seem to congregate under the couch?)
Right before Pesach, I always say, “This is
so nice; I’m gonna keep everything this
clean.”
That well-meaning inspiration usually
lasts about, oh, two hours. At the seder,
we break out the matzah ... which is
impossible to eat without getting zillions of
crumbs all over the table and floor ... And
that’s when the mess starts to slowly creep
back.
Just take a deep breath, remind yourself
to enjoy the moment and don’t sweat the
matzah crumbs.
Rochel
Burstyn
Contributing
Writer
HOME&GARDEN
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