FEBRUARY 29 • 2024 | 45
from our emotional life:
pride and anger.
About anger he says this:
“Anger is an extremely bad
attribute, and one should
distance oneself from it by
going to the other extreme.
One should train oneself
not to get angry, even about
something to which anger
might be the appropriate
response … The ancient
Sages said, ‘One who yields
to anger is as if he had
worshipped idols.’ They
also said, ‘Whoever yields
to anger, if he is wise, his
wisdom deserts him, and if
he is a prophet, his prophecy
leaves him.’ And ‘The life
of an irascible person is
not a life.’ Therefore, they
have instructed us to keep
far from anger, training
ourselves to stay calm even
in the face of provocation.
This is the right way.”
However he adds an
important qualification: “If
one wants to instill reverence
in his children and family,
or in public if he is the head
of the community, and his
desire is to show them his
anger so as to bring them
back to the good, he should
appear to be angry with
them so as to reprove them,
but he must inwardly remain
calm as if he were acting the
part of an angry man, but in
reality he is not angry at all.”
According to Maimonides,
the emotion of anger is
always the wrong response.
We may not be able to help
feeling it, but we should
be aware that while it
lasts, we are in the grip
of an emotion we cannot
control. That is what makes
anger so dangerous. It is,
to use Daniel Kahneman’s
terminology, thinking
fast when we ought to be
thinking slow.
What then are we to
do? Maimonides, here and
elsewhere, adopts a position
that has been strikingly
vindicated by neuroscientists’
discovery of the plasticity of
the brain. Intensive training
over a prolonged period
rewires our neural circuitry.
We can develop new patterns
of response, initially through
intense self-control, but
eventually through habit.
This is particularly hard
to do in the case of anger,
which is why we have to
work so hard to eliminate
it from our emotional
repertoire.
But, says Maimonides, there
is a fundamental difference
between feeling anger
and showing it. Sometimes
it is necessary for a
parent, teacher or leader
to demonstrate anger — to
look angry even if you aren’t.
It has a shock effect. When
someone in authority displays
anger, the person or group
it is directed against is in
danger and knows it. It is
almost like administering
an electric shock, and it is
often effective in bringing
a person or group to order.
It is, though, a very high-
risk strategy. There is a
danger it will provoke an
angry response, making the
situation worse, not better. It
is a weapon to be used only
rarely, but sometimes it is the
only way.
The key question then
becomes: Is this a moment
when anger is called for or
not? That calls for careful
judgment. When people
are dancing around an idol,
anger is the right response.
But when there is no water
and the people are crying
out in thirst, it is the wrong
one. Their need is real, even
if they do not express it in
the right way.
TIMES TO ‘SHOW’ ANGER
So, to summarize, we should
never feel anger. But there are
times when we should show it.
These are few and far
between, but they exist. I
say this because of one of
my own most life-changing
experiences.
There was a time when I
smoked a pipe. It was the
wrong thing to do, and I
knew it. There is a mitzvah
to take care of your health,
and smoking harms you
badly in multiple ways.
Yet there is such a thing as
addiction, and it can be very
hard to cure even when you
are fully aware of how badly
you are injuring yourself
and others. For years I tried
to give it up and repeatedly
failed. Then someone I
respected greatly became
angry with me. It was a cool
anger, but it felt like a slap in
the face.
It cured me. The shock
was so great that I stopped
and never smoked again. The
experience of being on the
receiving end of someone’s
anger changed my life. It may
even have saved my life.
This was a difficult
discovery. When you are a
leader, you are often at the
receiving end of people’s
anger. You learn to live with
it and not let it depress or
deflect you. However, when
someone who clearly cares
for you gets angry with
you, not because he or she
disagrees with you, but
simply because they see you
doing yourself harm, it can
change your life in a way few
other things can.
You come to see the point
of Maimonides’ distinction as
well. Therapeutic anger, if we
can call it that, is done not out
of emotion but out of careful,
deliberate judgment that this
is what the situation calls for
right now. The person who
delivers the shock is not so
much feeling anger as showing
it. That is what makes it all the
more shocking.
There are families and
cultures where anger is used
all too often. This is abusive
and harmful. Anger is bad
for the person who feels it
and often for the one who
receives it. But sometimes
there are situations that
demand it, where putting
up with someone’s bad
behavior is damaging, and
where making excuses for
it can become a form of
co-dependency. Friends and
family, intending no more
than to be tolerant and kind,
in effect make it easy for the
person to stay addicted to
bad habits, at a cost to his
and others’ happiness.
Maimonides on Moses
teaches us that we should
try to conquer our feelings
of anger. But when we see
someone or a group acting
wrongly, we may have to
show anger even if we don’t
feel it. People sometimes
need that shock to help them
change their lives.
The late Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks
served as the chief rabbi of the
United Hebrew Congregations of the
Commonwealth, 1991-2013. His teach-
ings have been made available to all
at rabbisacks.org.