4 | FEBRUARY 15 • 2024 J
N
for openers
Lion Tales
T
hank you, Detroit Lions,
for what was truly a
magical run.
Yes, in the NFC Champion-
ship game against the San
Francisco 49ers
we were 30 min-
utes or one half
of football away
from feeling really
“Super Duper.
” But
alas, the ghosts
of Lions past
returned for an
8-minute stretch
in the third quarter that led to
our gut-wrenching loss. In an
instant, we went from “Super
Duper” to a “Super Stupor.
”
I’m not in the “second-guess
camp” over some of Coach Dan
Campbell’s play calling. He stuck
with what got us there and this
time, well, it just fell short.
The Lions first playoff win
over the Los Angeles Rams
ended a more than three-
decades-long drought of failure.
It also ended over 30 years of me
writing sarcastic one-liners about
the Lion’s futility, both for the
Dick Purtan Show and the Jewish
News.
I did a word search of my JN
columns over the last 14 years
seeking less-than-complimentary
references I made about the
Lions. I stopped after only four
years having already compiled 16
wisecracks about the team.
I feel just a little guilty now.
But not enough to prevent me
from revisiting a few of them.
So, here’s a sampling of digs I
made …
In writing about the Lions
upcoming TV schedule I said:
My sources tell me the NFL will
finally give in to Detroit fans’
demands and agree to blackout
both home and away games this
year.
In reference to the combined
$14 billion spent by the two can-
didates in the 2020 presidential
campaign, I wrote: So, for the
sake of argument, let’s say that
means roughly $7 billion was
spent on losing. Amazing, but
probably still less than the Lions
have spent on losing since their
last championship in 1957.
In response to TV networks
filling our TV screens in fan-less
stadiums during COVID with
virtual fans, I opined: If the vir-
tual fan experiment pays off in
audience ratings, I say continue
using it during the upcoming
football season with one exception
— the Detroit Lions. Give them a
fighting chance and let them use
virtual players.
Sticking with the COVID
theme, I wrote a column about
a box of personal memorabilia
I went through during the pan-
demic and said: Here’s hoping
years from now all of our boxes
of memorabilia will contain a
letter confirming we got vaccinat-
ed from the COVID virus. Rest
assured we will beat this virus
before the Lions beat anybody in
a playoff.
This final one is from a col-
umn I wrote about the insanely
long list of potential side effects
warnings tagged at the end of
pharmaceutical television com-
mercials: Despite treating your
latest medical malady, taking
this pill might make you dizzy,
nauseous, have vivid dreams, give
you a dry mouth, muscle pain, a
rash, hives, experience weight gain
and worst of all, you may get the
uncontrollable urge to watch a
Lions game.
Ah, those were the days, I
thought they’
d never end … but
they have! And make no mis-
take, this recent playoff run by
the Lions generated a lot of great
memories for me and others.
I’ll never forget how I had
to strategize to watch the first
playoff game against the Rams.
I very rarely travel, but wouldn’t
you know it, I had a plane flight
I couldn’t change that would be
airborne at precisely the time the
game was on.
I ended up watching the
first half on the plane proudly
wearing my Lion’s hat. Thank
goodness the WiFi was working.
I think I only screamed once,
which is one time too many on
a plane.
I watched the third quarter in
a cab. Yelled there, too. And got
to my hotel lobby just in time to
watch the fourth quarter on a
gigantic screen. Did more than
yell there. As the clock ran out,
I howled and jumped up and
down releasing years of frustra-
tion with unbridled joy.
Meanwhile, my dear friend
and former Purtan’s People
member Larry Lawson (of Story
Lady and Wendell Ledbetter
fame), was an eyewitness to, shall
we say, the ecstasy and then the
agony, of the Lions loss to the
49ers.
Larry was watching the
knee-knocking ending of
the Lions second playoff
game against the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers from his home in
West Bloomfield. Within sec-
onds after the interception by
Lion linebacker Derrick Barnes
secured the team’s place in the
NFC Championship, Larry
got a call from his son and San
Francisco resident (but Lions
fan), Jeff Lawson.
“I just got tickets to the Lions-
49ers game!” said Jeff. “Want to
come out?” I think Larry’s bags
were packed before Jeff finished
his invite.
And bravo to Larry’s wife,
Alan
Muskovitz
Contributing
Writer
PURELY COMMENTARY
Larry Lawson and son Jeff cheer on Lions at NFC Championship game
in San Francisco.
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