NOVEMBER 9 • 2023 | 41
J
N

SPIRIT

Our ‘Could Haves’
R

ecently, during a reli-
gious school pickup, 
I witnessed a fright-
ening scene A child wriggled 
free from his mother’s grasp 
and ran across parking lot 
traffic. His mother got to him, 
weaving through cars 
to the other side of the 
driveway. She hugged 
her child close while 
simultaneously berating 
him, “You could have 
been killed,
” she shouted. 
She scolded and he cried, 
both emotional in the 
realization of his “almost 
harm.
”
What is the source of 
such an outburst? There 
is trauma in the knowl-
edge of what they had 
averted. The potential 
was enough to cause strain.
The midrashic commentary 
on this week’s Torah portion 
features a similar fear from 
“could haves.
” The portion 
begins with an account of 
Sarah’s death, but according 
to one version of the midrash 
(Vayikra Rabbah 20:2), Isaac 
first returns to his mother, 
Sarah, and tells her of his near 
sacrifice in the akeidah (bind-
ing of Isaac), which we read 
last week. Upon hearing the 
tale from her alive-and-well 
son, Sarah dies. Rashi explains 
her death, kime’at shelo nish-
chat — because he was all but 
slaughtered (Rashi on Genesis 
23:2).
In her book The Genesis 
of Desire, Avivah Zornberg 
explains Sarah’s death by 
quoting the Marahal, another 
commentator. “This is the 
human reaction of panic, on 
realizing that only a small thing 
(the literal meaning of kime’at) 
separated one from such a fate.
” 

She writes, for Sarah, Isaac’s 
restoration does nothing to 
neutralize the terror.
”
Similarly, on a class con-
firmation trip to New York, 
our tour guide walked us past 
the site of Ground Zero. I was 
unprepared as this was 
my first time seeing it. 
Standing with our teens, 
I reflected that many 
people had died, but 
what died as well on 
Sept. 11 was that false, 
incorrect sense of secu-
rity, the assumption of 
immunity from uncer-
tainty and danger.
For all of us, a mis-
leading veil of security 
has been removed. We 
now see the “could 
haves” that always exist-
ed; we now confront a constant 
underlying fear that once only 
occasionally reared its head 
to punctuate happier, simpler, 
more secure times.
In our lives, and certainly 
on that New York trip, the veil 
that insulates me from the real-
world fears begins at sundown 
each Friday. Shabbat is a time 
apart, a separation, a breather 
from the outside world. It rais-
es my appreciation for what it 
means to have a Shabbat sha-
lom — a Shabbat of peace.
With a realization of our 
basic fragility, but with hope 
for security and comfort, let 
this be our prayer: that, unlike 
Sarah, we not be so affected by 
the reality of danger that we 
cannot live to appreciate the 
peace and happiness in our 
lives this Shabbat and into the 
future. 

Rabbi Eric Yanoff was a rabbi at 

Congregation Sharey Zedek in 

Southfield. This article originally 

appeared in the JN on Nov. 24, 2005.

TORAH PORTION

Rabbi Eric 
Yanoff

Parshat 

Chaye Sarah: 

Genesis 

23:1-25:28; 

I Kings 

1:1-31.

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