OCTOBER 26 • 2023 | 23
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will happen to their dreams of
visiting Israel one day.
“There’s solidarity in knowing
other people are experiencing
a shared response and feeling
emotionally affected by this,
”
she says. “
Also, I like the kind
of strategy of how you’re going
to limit yourself in watching
the news and not just put your-
self in that space where you’re
thinking about all these traumas
all the time.
”
The event came together
in just a few days, says Aliza
Plotkin, The J’s
senior director
of community
partnerships, to
support caregivers
in the community,
welcoming some
120 participants for
a noon session on Wednesday,
Oct. 11.
“This felt really important to
us, for our grandparents and
parents of children 0-18 who
felt like it was their responsibili-
ty to talk to their children about
what was going on,
” she says.
“We wanted to give people that
space — we knew people would
want to have those conversa-
tions soon because it was pretty
pressing.
”
Plotkin adds that she hopes
people came away with a com-
fort level with having hard
conversations and knowing they
weren’t alone in those conver-
sations.
“Sometimes it can feel really
lonely,
” she says. “So not only
did we want to give them the
actual resources, but we want-
ed them to see that there were
other people who
had these same
questions and
these same feel-
ings.
”
Evie Lynn
Breuer, senior
director of com-
munity outreach & wellness at
JFS, talked about self-coping
skills and regulation, and then
therapists Rina Sabes, Kerri
Lanoue and Aliza Bracha Klein
facilitated breakout rooms by
kids’ age levels.
Lanoue, director of behav-
ioral health at JFS, let parents
and caregivers know about
the essential role they play in
helping children cope in times
of crisis, and the importance of
checking in on their own reac-
tions as well.
“During these times, anx-
iety is high or physical stress
responses can manifest, and
some of us as adults feel
increased agitation and with-
draw emotionally. We react in
the same ways our kids react —
there may be fear, sadness, anxi-
ety, difficulty focusing,
” she says.
“Identifying those reactions in
ourselves in order to regulate
helps our children cope, too.
”
Seeing what kids know and
fixing misunderstandings is
also key, she says. “We cannot
assume that their worries are
the same as our own,
” she says.
“Once you understand what
their fears and worries may
be, you can provide them with
education and learning around
what’s happening with the event
to reassure them that they’re
safe.
”
JFS has a crisis response team
that’s currently making its way
around the community provid-
ing support to students, parents
and families, she adds. “We’re
prepared to respond, unfortu-
nately, to tragic events. At this
level, we needed to respond
quickly and try to give people
tools and support, to let them
know that they’re not alone
amid all of the fear and confu-
sion,
” Lanoue says.
Dini Peterson, chief program
officer, mental
health and safety
net services at
JFS, adds that the
event had layers of
benefits, including
the sense of unity
it created. “There’s
power through
community, people coming
together; it really helps build
resilience,
” she says. “I think so
many parents and grandpar-
ents came because they didn’t
know what to do, but just them
showing up is a sign that they’re
on the right path, by taking the
time out of their busy day, when
everyone was already stressed
enough.
”
She adds that it was and
remains significant for people to
hear calm-minded advice from
professionals on how to talk
with their kids. “There’s a lot of
noise right now about what to
do and what to say,
” she says. “It
can be really important, as peo-
ple are bombarded with social
media or the news, to find a
source of information they can
trust. Having a space that feels
comfortable and safe for Jewish
community members is crucial
as well.
”
Peterson adds that the JFS
Resource Center is currently
offering free one-time conversa-
tions with therapists or trained
members of the crisis response
team by request. “We encourage
anyone who’s feeling that they
would benefit from support to
reach out.
”
Emily Korotkin of Bloomfield
Hills attended the Zoom event
to see if there was anything she
could bring back to her kids,
ages 3 and 5, and also as a way
to process some of it herself,
she says. Korotkin adds that
she was proud to see the event
attract people invested in kids
of all ages and found it help-
ful to know that they were all
attempting to navigate similar
situations and figure out what
is appropriate to talk about, and
how to do so.
“I learned some key ways to
begin the conversation with my
children without worrying them
or scaring them,
” she says.
“I have little, little kids so
they’re not exposed to social
media or the news, but they’re
hearing us talk about it, so
talking about it with them in a
way that is sort of just broach-
ing the subject — and I also
learned it’s OK not to talk about
it with them if they’re not ask-
ing, that it doesn’t make us bad
parents if we don’t talk about
it with them simply because of
their age. It was nice to have the
option to do so.
”
Tips from Jewish Family Service
1. Do more listening than talking, especially at first, to
learn what your child already knows, what they have
heard and what they are confused about.
2. Be mindful of your own emotional state and whether
or not you are emotionally resourced enough to be a
source of reassurance and safety for your child. Kids
pick up on our tone and body language, especially our
youngest children who don’t understand what is hap-
pening at an intellectual level and need plenty of reas-
surance.
3. These are not one-time conversations, talking about
the Israel-Hamas war and the collective trauma we are
all experiencing will be with us for a long time in differ-
ent ways. Don’t feel the pressure to do all the process-
ing and information giving and getting all at once. Think
of it more as planting the seeds of safe, open, ongoing
dialogue and communication.
Aliza Plotkin
Kerri Lanoue
Dini
Peterson