10 | SEPTEMBER 14 • 2023 

PURELY COMMENTARY

T

he High Holidays have always been 
a time of great reflection. This year, 
I find myself particularly thoughtful 
as I consider the profound transformation 
my life has taken in the last year and, more 
importantly, my community 
of people who have helped me 
get to where I am now. Today, 
I reflect on the concept of the 
chosen family. 
My parents were the ones 
who set an early example of 
the importance of a chosen 
family. In 1967, soon after 
getting married, they moved to Metro 
Detroit so that my dad could learn the family 
“shmatah” business. For these lifelong East 
Coasters, the move wasn’t an easy one. They 
were both leaving their immediate families 
behind to embark on an adventure in a new 
city. Between their strange accents and New 
York/New Jersey sensibilities, they felt like 
outsiders, and it took them a while to find 
their community. 
Neither introverts nor ones to be thwarted 
by a challenge, my parents threw themselves 
into their new life with gusto. They selected 
and got involved with a temple, joined various 
social groups and began frequenting some of 
the local haunts around the neighborhood. 
They held and attended dinner parties to 
meet their neighbors. When my brother and 
I came along, they joined parent-toddler 
groups and coached our teams. And slowly 
but surely, they began to form a new fami-
ly, bonded not by blood, but by choice. 
Growing up in this extended “family” 
was a gift. While we lived far away from our 
biological family and only saw them once or 
twice a year, we were blessed with the close 

proximity of a wide array of my parents’ 
friends who treated us as their own. They 
cheered us on at our theatrical performances 
and sporting events, hosted play dates, dried 
tears, bandaged knees and always joined 
us at the table for important events, most 
importantly, holiday dinners. I loved these 
occasions surrounded by my ragtag crew of 
adopted “aunts” and “uncles.
”

FRIENDS TO THE RESCUE
Like my parents, I am blessed to have a 
special community, far and near, of close 
friends who I consider family. Their impor-
tance in my life has become even more 
clear in the last few years. After my brother 
and I lost our parents to COVID in April of 
2020, I felt completely adrift. My closeness 
to my mom and dad cannot be overstated, 
and their absence left a gaping hole in every 
aspect of my life. I knew neither where I 
wanted to go nor what I wanted to be. 
That is, until my friends stepped in. While 
the pandemic made it impossible for us to 
be together physically, they were still there, 
in every way possible. Hours on FaceTime, 

delivered meals, donations in my parents’ 
memory, remote trivia games and movie 
nights — despite the isolation, friends from 
all across our life did everything in their 
power to ensure my brother and I were not 
going through it alone. 
As soon as I could travel, some of my 
dearest friends suggested I come to Michigan 
for a few weeks to be with them and their 
kids — my “niece” and “nephew.
” It was that 
visit that planted the seed. It was time to 
come home. In April of 2022, with the help 
of my chosen “sister” who flew in from Los 
Angeles to lend a hand, I packed up my NYC 
apartment and headed home for good. 
In the last year since moving to Metro 
Detroit, I’ve been lucky to expand my family 
even more, reconnecting and rekindling rela-
tionships with friends and biological family 
alike who welcomed me back with open arms. 
And now, after joining the Detroit Jewish 
News Foundation, I have this amazing Jewish 
community — an extended chosen family 
that I am learning more about every day. 
Sometimes you don’t even know who the 
most important people are in your life until 
something life-changing happens. Now that 
life has come full circle and I am the “aunt” 
figure in my friends’ kids’ lives, I am remind-
ed that the joy and love that fuels me was lit 
long ago. 
My Mom used to say that people come 
into your life for a reason, a season or a life-
time. This Rosh Hashanah, I ask that you 
celebrate the family in your life, biological or 
chosen. For regardless of the category they 
fall into, they leave an indelible mark. 
Wishing you and yours a sweet and mean-
ingful New Year filled with good health, 
peace, and love. Shanah Tovah. 

Marni Raitt
Executive 
Director

from the Executive Director
The Chosen Ones

Yiddish Limerick by Rachel Kapen
Rosh Hashanah

Mir shtayen un zitzn
Mir dertzeiling nit vitzn,
 Dos iz Rosh Hashanah today
 Dos iz altz I can say.
The New Year far Yidn.

Mir shtayen- we stand
un zitzn- and we sit
Mir dertzeilng nit vitzn- we don’t 
 tell jokes 
Dos iz- this is 
Dos iz altz- that is all 
far Yidn- for Jews. 

Marni with 
members of her 
chosen family.

