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here are a lot of jokes about Jewish 
guilt, but guilt is a healthy and 
appropriate reaction to inappropriate 
behavior. It causes me to recognize that I 
caused harm, and that I want to take steps 
to apologize and make amends. That I hurt 
you. I feel bad and want to make it better. A 
certain amount of guilt can 
lead to change and growth. 
The inability to feel guilt or 
responsibility is a pathology.
Shame is what causes emo-
tional destruction. It is debili-
tating. Guilt is about what we 
do, but shame is about who 
we are and causes us to question our very 
existence. 
We feel shame because we do not feel we 
are good enough, or that we do not fit prop-

erly into the rest of society. 
We feel shame about our physical appear-
ance, identity, mental and physical health 
if they do not conform to communal stan-
dards.
According to the Talmud, shaming some-
one was considered to be a kind of murder. 
It destroyed a person’s sense of value.
According to author Brene Brown, “Shame 
is highly, highly correlated with addiction, 
depression, violence, aggression, bullying, 
suicide, eating disorders.
”
Living in shame is destructive to the per-
son and ultimately to their relationships with 
those who did not harm them. 
Just because someone suffered, does not 
justify that person hurting someone else. In 
a Midrash, Ben Azzai said: One should not 
say, “Since I am scorned, I should scorn my 

ROSH HASHANAH

Local rabbis share 
Local rabbis share 
their thoughts for Rosh Hashanah.
their thoughts for Rosh Hashanah.

High 
Holiday 
Messages

continued on page 14

Rabbi Aaron 
Bergman

End the Cycle of Shame

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