8 | SEPTEMBER 7 • 2023 

column

Everything My College Student Needs 
to Know He Learned at Synagogue
L

ast week we did it: My wife 
and I dropped our eldest 
son off for his first year of 
college. As you can imagine, it 
is a heady, emotional moment. 
There is pride 
and joy mixed 
with anxiety and 
the bittersweet 
sense that this 
primary chapter 
of parenting is 
coming to a close. 
 As parents, 
we’ve asked each other so many 
questions in the weeks leading 
up to the big day. Will he eat? 
Will he meet new people? Will he 
take advantage of all the school 
has to offer? What will his Jewish 
experience be like? What about 
all the reports we hear of the 
challenging climates on many 
U.S. campuses for kids who 
support Israel? Will he be forced 
to defend Israel’s right to exist 
in the face of those who would 
delegitimize Israel?
We tried to breathe and 
remind ourselves of two 
important points. First, this was 
our son’s challenge, not ours. 
Ultimately, he will need to nav-
igate these challenges — and so 
many we haven’t even imagined. 
Had we prepared him to do that? 
This question led to the second 
point: Everything he needs to 
face these challenges he learned 
at synagogue. 
Obviously, there is some 
hyperbole in this kind of sweep-
ing statement. We are grateful 
for many valuable experiences, 
including a wonderful Jewish 
day school, excellent summer 
camp experiences and Israel 
travel. We are also in awe of the 
dedicated Hillel professionals on 

many campuses who support 
our students. Still, I would argue 
that our family’s commitment to 
attending synagogue regularly 
taught our sons a world of les-
sons. I don’t just say this because 
both of their parents are rabbis 
(I imagine that created a host of 
challenges that they will one day 
write about). I believe this is true 
of all the active “shul kids” in our 
community. 
So, what were those lessons?
How to speak to people of all 
ages. Synagogues are unique 
places for intergenerational inter-
actions. Our kids would seek out 
their friends each week, but after 
services, we always found them 
at tables interacting with adults 
and seniors in the community. 
Whether talking about their 
favorite sports teams or the latest 
headlines, we always appreciate 
that the children learned how to 
articulate their thoughts and lis-
ten to others. This kind of inter-
action is a real-world skill that we 
know will serve our students well 
in college. 
How to sit with people you 
disagree with. This is an essential 
lesson for all of us. Synagogues 
comprise people who share their 
Jewish beliefs but not necessarily 
their politics. Over these last few 
contentious years, we have seen 
that people have a lot of difficulty 
sharing space with those with 
whom they disagree. We are 
proud that our children learned 
that, despite our differences, peo-
ple in our community shared a 
common faith, which was a place 
to start. We could wish those 
across the aisle (pun intended) a 
“Shabbat shalom,
” and save the 
arguing for the way home. These 
lessons are crucial; our students 

won’t share the same beliefs as 
all their teachers or classmates, 
but they know that we need to 
find the common humanity in 
those we disagree with so we 
can encounter each other with 
patience, care and understanding.
The importance of standing up 
for Judaism and Israel. With the 
rise of antisemitism and anti-Is-
rael sentiments, it is as important 
as ever for our students to know 
how to advocate for the Jewish 
community and to have a sense 
of pride in who they are. 
Our synagogue had swastikas 
spray painted on our doors a few 
years back. Our congregation’s 
children were encouraged to 
attend the solidarity service that 
night. Every seat was filled with 
our members and our caring 
neighbors. Our children learned 
a few valuable lessons that night. 
First, antisemitism is unaccept-
able and should never be toler-
ated or brushed off. Second, we 
have allies who care about us and 
will stand with us. 
How to work a buffet. Kiddush 
is an amazing educator. First, 
the experience of eating together 

with so many people leads me to 
believe that our students will be 
ready for the dining halls, recep-
tions and parties they will attend. 
They have learned from Kiddush 
about manners and food safety 
and how to gently chide the 
person who puts the tuna spoon 
in the egg salad. They have also 
learned the art of small talk. The 
ability to chit-chat with people 
you don’t know opens doors to 
friendships, making seemingly 
big places a little smaller. 
There are countless other les-
sons: “attend the guest lecture,
” 
“welcome strangers,
” “dress neatly 
on special occasions,
” “don’t sit 
in so-and-so’s seat.
” There are 
certainly others that we haven’t 
realized yet. What we recognize, 
though, is that despite reports 
to the contrary, the synagogue 
remains an essential building 
block of the Jewish community 
and the formation of thoughtful, 
caring young adults. 

Rabbi Dave Levy is the director of the 

Block Center for Jewish Exploration and 

Education where he works in partnership 

with his wife, Rabbi Rachel Ain, at Sutton 

Place Synagogue in New York City.

Rabbi 
Dave Levy
JTA.org

PURELY COMMENTARY

Rabbis Rachel Ain and Dave Levy and their sons, Jared and Zachary, at 
the University of Texas, where Jared is a member of the class of 2027. 

