30 | SEPTEMBER 7 • 2023 

I

n the weeks leading up to the 
Jewish High Holidays and, 
of course, during the High 
Holidays themselves, introspec-
tion and taking personal stock 
are top of mind.
Elul, the Hebrew month pre-
ceding Rosh Hashanah, serves 
as a period of personal reflection 
and repentance. Then, of course, 
there’s Rosh Hashanah. While the 
holiday is a time of sweet cele-
bration and welcoming the new 
year, it can also be a somber time 
as we reflect upon the past year, 
our actions and our goals for the 
future.
Lastly comes Yom Kippur 
itself, the holiest day of the Jewish 
calendar year when we ask God 
for forgiveness. Many of us will 
inevitably be taking some form of 
personal stock during this time, 
but the question is, how can we 
do so with self-compassion?
Congregation Shaarey Zedek’s 
Rabbi Yonatan Dahlen has a few 
ideas.

FINDING TIME TO REFLECT
The first step: taking time for 
yourself. “The first thing I do 

during the holidays, 
and especially as we 
get close to Elul, is I 
start reading a lot,
” 
Dahlen says. “Not 
just novels or non-
fiction that I usually 
read throughout the 
year, but Jewish and 
spiritual books.
”
One book in particular, This 
Is Real And You Are Completely 
Unprepared, by Rabbi Alan Lew 
sets up the expectation that 
going into Rosh Hashanah and 
Yom Kippur can be a very heavy 
period.
“It’s incredibly powerful emo-
tionally, psychologically and 
metaphysically,
” Dahlen explains. 
“
As much as you want to prepare 
for the High Holidays, there’s also 
life.
”
The famous saying “life hap-
pens” could never be more true at 
this time. “There’s a great Yiddish 
mantra that you can make plans, 
but God is going to laugh at 
you making plans,
” Dahlen says, 
“because the unexpected hap-
pens.
”
So, if planning for the right 

balance of introspection during 
the High Holidays may not 
always work out the way that 
we want it to, what can we do 
instead?
Practicing mindfulness, 
Dahlen says, is one way to help 
people stay in the moment — 
and go with the flow of their own 
thoughts, regardless of which 
direction life may take.
“It doesn’t have to be a tradi-
tional Eastern mindfulness train-
ing,
” Dahlen explains. “It can be 
taking a walk in some beautiful 
nature preserve or just strolling 
through your neighborhood.
” 
Anything, he says, where you can 
think clearly without distraction.

FORGIVING OURSELVES
The final piece of the puzzle: ask-
ing forgiveness from not just God 
and those we have wronged, but 
also ourselves — which is where 
self-compassion shines through.
“We spend so much time 
focusing on the things and the 
people we’ve wronged that we 
neglect one of the most import-
ant pieces,
” Dahlen says, “which 
is asking forgiveness from our-

selves.
”
Dahlen says humans by nature 
can be “incredibly harsh, judg-
mental and cruel” to themselves. 
“We can be really relentless and 
unforgiving,
” he says.
A key part of this time is 
admitting when we’ve been unfair 
to ourselves. “This isn’t to let 
ourselves off the hook for things 
we’ve done wrong, but it’s to also 
say, ‘My own worst enemy would 
not have treated me the way 
that I treated myself,
’” Dahlen 
explains.
This piece of the puzzle, he 
says, is frequently lost during the 
High Holidays. “It’s a big piece 
that often gets overlooked.
”
Passion, compassion and 
patience. These components are 
all critical to think about as we 
reflect during and leading up to 
the High Holidays. Dahlen, a 
father to young children, likens 
a phrase related to parenting to 
that of the High Holidays.
“Instead of expecting your kid 
to be perfect, appreciate that your 
kid is great.
“We’re often trying to think of 
where the flaws are, the things 
that are going wrong instead of 
looking at the beautiful things 
that are actually really good and 
blessings in our lives,
” Dahlen 
describes. 
That’s why while we do our 
“personal accounting,
” we also 
need to remember to be realistic, 
appreciative and grateful of the 
blessings we have — instead of 
focusing too intently on bettering 
ourselves for the new year.
However, Dahlen cautions not 
to get frustrated if adopting this 
mindset doesn’t stick right away. 
“We are creatures of habit,
” he 
says, “and any habit is going to 
take a while. [Change] won’t hap-
pen overnight, and it has to be 
meaningful.
“My advice is to start with 
something simple,
” Dahlen adds. 
“Try to incorporate mindfulness 
and gratitude into every day and 
make it something you can hold 
onto.
” 

ROSH HASHANAH

How we can take personal 
 stock with mindfulness.

 Finding 
Compassion 
 During the 
High Holidays

Rabbi 
Yonatan 
Dahlen

ASHLEY ZLATOPOLSKY CONTRIBUTING WRITER

