60 | JULY 13 • 2023 

O

ne of the hardest tasks of any 
leader — from prime ministers 
to parents — is conflict 
resolution. Yet it is also the most vital. 
Where there is leadership, there is long-
term cohesiveness within the group, 
whatever the short-term 
problems. Where there is a 
lack of leadership — where 
leaders lack authority, grace, 
generosity of spirit and the 
ability to respect positions 
other than their own — 
then there is divisiveness, 
rancor, backbiting, 
resentment, internal politics and a lack 
of trust. True leaders are the people who 
put the interests of the group above those 
of any subsection of the group. They care 
for, and inspire others to care for, the 
common good.
That is why an episode in parshat 
Matot is of the highest consequence. It 
arose like this: The Israelites were on the 
last stage of their journey to the Promised 
Land. They were now situated on the east 
bank of the Jordan, within sight of their 
destination. Two of the tribes, Reuben 
and Gad, who had large herds and flocks 
of cattle, felt that the land upon which 
they were now encamped was ideal 
for their purposes. It was good grazing 
country. So, they approached Moses and 
asked for permission to stay there rather 
than take up their share in the land of 

Israel. They said: “If we have found favor 
in your eyes, let this land be given to your 
servants as our possession. Do not make 
us cross the Jordan.” Num. 32:5
Moses was instantly alert to the 
risks. These two tribes were putting 
their own interests above those of the 
nation as a whole. They would be seen 
as abandoning their people at the very 
time they were needed most. There was 
a war — in fact, a series of wars — to be 
fought if the Israelites were to inherit the 
Promised Land. As Moses put it to the 
tribes: “Should your fellow Israelites go 
to war while you sit here? Why do you 
discourage the Israelites from crossing 
over into the land the Lord has given 
them?” (Num. 32:6-7). The proposal was 
potentially disastrous.
Moses reminded the men of Reuben 
and Gad what had happened in 
the incident of the spies. The spies 
demoralized the people, 10 of them 
saying that they could not conquer the 
land. The inhabitants were too strong. 
The cities were impregnable. The result 
of that one moment was to condemn an 
entire generation to die in the wilderness 
and to delay the eventual conquest by 
40 years. “
And here you are, a brood of 
sinners, standing in the place of your 
fathers and making the Lord even more 
angry with Israel. If you turn away from 
following Him, He will again leave all this 
people in the wilderness, and you will 

be the cause of their destruction.” (Num. 
32:14-15) Moses was blunt, honest and 
confrontational.

POSITIVE NEGOTIATION
What then follows is a model illustration 
of positive negotiation and conflict 
resolution. The Reubenites and Gadites 
recognize the claims of the people as a 
whole and the justice of Moses’ concerns. 
They propose a compromise: Let us 
make provisions for our cattle and our 
families, they say, and the men will then 
accompany the other tribes across the 
Jordan. They will fight alongside them. 
They will even go ahead of them. They 
will not return to their cattle and families 
until all the battles have been fought, the 
land has been conquered, and the other 
tribes have received their inheritance. 
Essentially, they invoke what would 
later become a principle of Jewish law: zeh 
neheneh vezeh lo chaser, meaning, an act 
is permissible if “one side gains and the 
other side does not lose.” We will gain, 
say the two tribes, by having land which 
is good for our cattle, but the nation as a 
whole will not lose because we will still 
be a part of the people, a presence in the 
army, we will even be on the front line, 
and we will stay there until the war has 
been won.
Moses recognizes the fact that they 
have met his objections. He restates their 
position to make sure he and they have 

SPIRIT
A WORD OF TORAH

Conflict Resolution

Rabbi Lord 
Jonathan 
Sacks

