60 | JULY 13 • 2023
O
ne of the hardest tasks of any
leader — from prime ministers
to parents — is conflict
resolution. Yet it is also the most vital.
Where there is leadership, there is long-
term cohesiveness within the group,
whatever the short-term
problems. Where there is a
lack of leadership — where
leaders lack authority, grace,
generosity of spirit and the
ability to respect positions
other than their own —
then there is divisiveness,
rancor, backbiting,
resentment, internal politics and a lack
of trust. True leaders are the people who
put the interests of the group above those
of any subsection of the group. They care
for, and inspire others to care for, the
common good.
That is why an episode in parshat
Matot is of the highest consequence. It
arose like this: The Israelites were on the
last stage of their journey to the Promised
Land. They were now situated on the east
bank of the Jordan, within sight of their
destination. Two of the tribes, Reuben
and Gad, who had large herds and flocks
of cattle, felt that the land upon which
they were now encamped was ideal
for their purposes. It was good grazing
country. So, they approached Moses and
asked for permission to stay there rather
than take up their share in the land of
Israel. They said: “If we have found favor
in your eyes, let this land be given to your
servants as our possession. Do not make
us cross the Jordan.” Num. 32:5
Moses was instantly alert to the
risks. These two tribes were putting
their own interests above those of the
nation as a whole. They would be seen
as abandoning their people at the very
time they were needed most. There was
a war — in fact, a series of wars — to be
fought if the Israelites were to inherit the
Promised Land. As Moses put it to the
tribes: “Should your fellow Israelites go
to war while you sit here? Why do you
discourage the Israelites from crossing
over into the land the Lord has given
them?” (Num. 32:6-7). The proposal was
potentially disastrous.
Moses reminded the men of Reuben
and Gad what had happened in
the incident of the spies. The spies
demoralized the people, 10 of them
saying that they could not conquer the
land. The inhabitants were too strong.
The cities were impregnable. The result
of that one moment was to condemn an
entire generation to die in the wilderness
and to delay the eventual conquest by
40 years. “
And here you are, a brood of
sinners, standing in the place of your
fathers and making the Lord even more
angry with Israel. If you turn away from
following Him, He will again leave all this
people in the wilderness, and you will
be the cause of their destruction.” (Num.
32:14-15) Moses was blunt, honest and
confrontational.
POSITIVE NEGOTIATION
What then follows is a model illustration
of positive negotiation and conflict
resolution. The Reubenites and Gadites
recognize the claims of the people as a
whole and the justice of Moses’ concerns.
They propose a compromise: Let us
make provisions for our cattle and our
families, they say, and the men will then
accompany the other tribes across the
Jordan. They will fight alongside them.
They will even go ahead of them. They
will not return to their cattle and families
until all the battles have been fought, the
land has been conquered, and the other
tribes have received their inheritance.
Essentially, they invoke what would
later become a principle of Jewish law: zeh
neheneh vezeh lo chaser, meaning, an act
is permissible if “one side gains and the
other side does not lose.” We will gain,
say the two tribes, by having land which
is good for our cattle, but the nation as a
whole will not lose because we will still
be a part of the people, a presence in the
army, we will even be on the front line,
and we will stay there until the war has
been won.
Moses recognizes the fact that they
have met his objections. He restates their
position to make sure he and they have
SPIRIT
A WORD OF TORAH
Conflict Resolution
Rabbi Lord
Jonathan
Sacks