8 | MAY 18 • 2023 

PURELY COMMENTARY

A ROLE MODEL
Kushner went on with his edi-
torial endeavors, serving with 
author Rabbi Chaim Potok as in 
writing the English commentary 
for Etz Chaim, the official Torah 
commentary of the Conservative 
Movement that was published 
in 2001. In his comments on 
the text of Achrei Mot, which 
was read on Shabbat the week of 
his own death, Kushner wrote 
… “
After the death of the two 
sons of Aaron, we are drawn to 
confront our own mortality and 
to reflect on the direction of our 
lives.
” (Etz Chaim, p 679)
Regarding his comments on 
the Emor Torah portion read on 
the very day of his funeral, Rabbi 
Kushner wrote, “
As public fig-
ures, the Kohanim must be role 
models of dealing with grief and 
loss, balancing their personal 
sorrow with their commitment 
to serving the people and the 
obligation to accept death as part 
of G-d’s plan for the world.
”(Etz 
Chaim, p.717)
Even in death, Rabbi Kushner’s 
words continue to teach us how 
to deal with the crisis of loss and 
grief. Addressing life’s crises was 
paramount to him. In 1977, as 
his son’s health was deteriorating, 
he spent a Shabbat as scholar at 
my congregation. His remarks 
were true to his belief in the rab-
bi’s role as helper. In his address 
which was later published, he 
said, “What should the goal of 
a synagogue be? I would set as 
your first goal, to help people 
cope with the crises of life … 
Helping a person through a crisis 
is a mitzvah; it’s a religious man-
date of the highest order.
”
In our ongoing correspon-
dence, though we discussed 
sports trivia, we also addressed 
serious matters. In a letter dated 
Sept. 9, 1977, he wrote, “The 
summer was a kind of tense but 
eventful one. Our son Aaron 
became significantly sicker 
last spring … We’re hoping for 

the best … It is not death that 
overwhelms us, but the shadow 
it casts before and after, being 
afraid of being haunted by it 
afterwards … the only way to 
deal with the fear of it is to walk 
through the valley of the shadow 
and come out the other side.
”
A few months after, Rabbi 
Kushner wrote these words, 
Aaron died at the age of 14. 
Rabbi Kushner ceased all of his 
public duties to focus on his 
grief, his family and moving 
through the valley of the shadow 
as he observed the first 30-day 
(Shloshim) period of mourning. 
Then, too, he used words to 
help others even as he helped 
himself. He wrote a booklet of 
tribute to Aaron. He used words 
of wisdom, words of faith to 
write a column in his Temple 
Israel bulletin. He was the spir-
itual leader that he later wrote 
of in his commentary of Emor, 
balancing his personal grief with 
his commitment to serving his 
community.

DEALING WITH GRIEF
Even the strongest, most skilled 
rabbis who effectively bring 
healing to others are in need of 
healing at times of their personal 
life crises. Rabbis, too, need sup-
port, empathy and community 
in times of great loss. We draw 
on our traditions to act as balm 
to the trauma of grief enabling 

us to move from pain to heal-
ing, finding deep satisfaction 
from our lives and appropriately 
remembering those whom we’ve 
lost. Rabbis who experienced 
personal trauma have used their 
life crisis to teach and guide their 
communities. A body of books, 
book chapters and articles has 
evolved that deals with the per-
sonal suffering of clergy and how 
they found that Jewish wisdom 
gave them guidance and strength 
in their time of need. 
Each rabbi found a way to 
emerge from a life crisis with the 
capacity to adapt to a new life 
reality and to direct powerful 
inner forces towards the benefit 
of others. Each rabbi moved 
through grief in a unique way. 
I cite only a few who can serve 
as models. Rabbi David Wolpe 
used words to respond to his 
mother’s stroke and resultant 
aphasia. In 1992, he wrote the 
very beautiful book In Speech and 
In Silence, a testament to a fami-
ly’s strength and courage. Wolpe 
wrote, “Words ultimately lead to 
silence — a stillness by which we 
let G-d in.
”
Rabbi Ira Stone responded to 
the tragic death of premature 
twin sons. One son died within 
days of birth, the other after a 
few months. Rabbi Stone wrote, 
Seeking A Path to Life (1992), a 
series of meditations on sub-
jects of everyday life including 

suffering. He included a med-
itation “The Messiah and the 
Resurrection of the Dead.
”

POWER OF WORDS
In my own experience of crisis, 
in 2006, after the loss of my 
parents and only brother within 
a 28-hour period, I, too, turned 
to words hoping to help oth-
ers. I had previously compiled 
and edited The Kaddish Minyan 
(2001) and From Pain to Healing: 
Twenty Personal Stories (2003) 
and found these stories and 
words soothing. I wrote a book 
chapter, “Reflections on Saying 
Kaddish” as part of the book 
Kaddish (Birnbaum, D & Cohen, 
M., ed) and articles including 
“28 Hours: Rabbi Endures Death 
of His Elderly Parents as Well 
as Unexpected Death of His 
Brother” which was published 
in the Detroit Jewish News (May 
2006).
I turned to the words about 
which I wrote, the Kaddish 
prayer and faithfully recited it at 
minyan every day for 11 months. 
These words gave me strength. 
With each Kaddish I envisioned 
my family standing at my side.
Words and Jewish wisdom 
provide strong messages. These 
have been the essentials in the 
toolbox of spiritual leaders. We 
try to be true to the words as 
written by Rabbi Kushner, serv-
ing as “role models of dealing 
with grief and loss as we balance 
our personal sorrow.
”
Rabbi Wolpe, Rabbi Stone 
and I have been blessed to guide 
and assist thousands of people 
during times of their life crises. 
enabling them to maintain faith 
in G-d and a relationship with 
G-d. Rabbi Harold Kushner, z”l, 
exceeded all of us in reaching 
millions around the world with 
his words, his wisdom and his 
example. 

Herbert A. Yoskowitz, is Rabbi Emeritus 

of Adat Shalom Synagogue in Farmington 

Hills, Michigan.

continued from page 6

Rabbi Harold Kushner and his 1981 bestselling book 
When Bad Things Happen to Good People

RON BULL/TORONTO STAR VIA GETTY IMAGES/JTA

