FEBRUARY 9 • 2023 | 15

agendas … The meetings are 
self-governed, meaning they’re 
run by their own group mem-
bers, people who are or who 
have been in a similar situation 
who share their experiences, 
strength and hope with each 
other,
” Rabbi Benny said. 
Members do not offer each other 
advice. 
The first of the 
12 Steps is “we 
admitted we were 
powerless over 
alcohol — that our 
lives had become 
unmanageable.
” 
The second is “We 
came to believe that a power 
greater than ourselves could 
restore us to sanity.
”
“For many people, that word-
ing about the power greater than 
ourselves can be very disturbing 
because their perception of God 
is not something they want to 
have a relationship with. So, in 
order for us to rely on God and 
invite him into our lives, we 
need to develop a personal lov-
ing connection with God, which 
may involve gaining a totally dif-
ferent perspective of Him than 
what we were brought up with,
” 
Rabbi Benny said. 
The rabbi had a family 
member who struggled with 
addiction and understands the 
pain. “
Addiction is an isolating 
disease. It pulls people away and 
thrives in the shadows,
” he said. 
“There’s a lot of shame involved. 
People feel so alone.
” 
Joining Al-Anon meetings can 
be a huge comfort for families of 
addicts. They tangibly see that 

they are not alone.
“Someone who’s struggling 
with addiction will uninten-
tionally pull everyone around 
them down. Al-Anon is invalu-
able for the family and friends 
of alcoholics,
” Rabbi Benny 
said. “
Al-Anon helps by giving 
them the tools to live their lives 
regardless of what their qualifier, 
the addict, is going through … 
It’s not about fixing the alcoholic; 
it’s about strengthening ourselves 
so we know that whatever else is 
going on, we’ll be OK.
”
Today, the Friendship House 
also hosts meetings for AA, GA 
(Gamblers Anonymous), NA 
(Narcotics Anonymous) and OA 
(Overeaters Anonymous). They 
host “sober Shabbat dinners” 
and a Jewish Recovery Group, 
which is open to anyone in a 
12-Step program and led by 
Rabbi Benny. 

MORE MEMBERS
No one is immune to addiction. 
Some people are “functional 
alcoholics” and can keep up the 
facade that they are doing well, 
even succeeding professionally 
at the same time. When their 
loved ones drag them off to get 
checked out, these functioning 
alcoholics will often be misdiag-
nosed by doctors. 
That’s what happened to Dan, 
who works in the medical pro-
fession. “Untreated alcoholism 
can look like depression or bipo-
lar disorder,
” Dan said. “I was 
treated for depression. At first no 
one recognized the disease I was 
suffering from was alcoholism.
”
It was only after he’
d lost his 

job, his marriage and his home, 
and was experiencing suicidal 
thoughts while sleeping on the 
floor of his brother’s apartment 
that he reached rock bottom. 
His brother introduced him 
to a friend who was “screwy, just 
like me” and Dan was struck by 
his recovery. 
“We call this person ‘my eski-
mo,
’ the person who takes us 
out of the cold,
” said Dan. “He’
d 
been as sick as I was and showed 
me how he had turned his life 
around. He was literally the 
power of example. I wanted that 
for myself.
”
Dan participated in an inten-
sive rehab program across the 
country for six months, com-
mitted to attending weekly AA 
meetings, followed the 12 Steps 
and made tremendous strides in 
his recovery. 
“I had been so self-centered, I 
didn’t even notice how badly and 
deeply I was harming the people 
I love,
” Dan said. 
A few years later, once his own 
life was back on track, he made 
the painful discovery that his 
child was struggling with addic-
tion, too. He immediately joined 
Al-Anon. Even though he’
d been 
familiar with AA, Al-Anon was 
a whole new ballgame. 
“It was very hard for me. I 
had difficulty recognizing the 
difference between parent and 
codependent,
” Dan said. “I had 
to learn about healthy relation-
ships, boundaries and how to 
keep my head together, despite 

what my daughter was doing.
”
It was at Al-Anon that Dan 
met Andrea, who had been 
raised in the shadows of the 
Holocaust. 
“I was taught to be overly 
responsible, always prepared — 
even over-prepared. We always 
had passports and cash ‘just in 
case we had to leave.
’ I grew up 
to become an almost perfection-
ist overachiever,
” said Andrea, 
who has struggled over the years 
with food, work and exercise 
addictions. 
As Andrea grew up, she had 
a habit of attracting chaos in 
the form of partners who were 
addicts. When she discovered 
her now ex-husband had an 
alcohol and drug addiction, she 
joined Al-Anon.
“I went to Al-Anon so I could 
figure out how to fix him. I 
didn’t realize I’
d have my own 
recovery,
” Andrea said. “I imme-
diately felt like I had found my 
people. I’
d been in therapy, but 
there’s no easy way to adjust to 
living with active addiction.
”
Three years after joining 
Al-Anon and digging deep to 
understand herself, she recog-
nized how the dysfunction of 
her childhood had played a part 
in her life’s choices. 
There’s nothing like connect-
ing with someone who has also 
faced their demons, who rec-
ognizes they, too, are a constant 
work in progress, and are always 
working toward introspection 

Rabbi 
Benny 
Greenwald

Friendship 
House

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