16 | NOVEMBER 17 • 2022 

OUR COMMUNITY
COVER STORY

While many people contemplating 
suicide may not actually want to 
die, they cannot see another way to 
escape the pain or depression that is 
making life unbearable. According to 
Blumstein, one of the goals of suicide 
prevention is to help the person get 
past that moment so they can make an 
informed decision.
“It’s important to let the person know 
we’re not taking away their choice,” 
Blumstein said. “There’s a point where 
they have to decide whether they want 
to live, but maybe surviving is an 
option. We want to empower people so 
they can understand both options.”
According to Missy Bean, many 
adolescents have suicidal thoughts at 
some point, but parents or friends are 
not equipped to assess whether the 
person intends to put their ideas into 
action.
“Untrained individuals should 
take the person seriously and have 
them assessed by a mental health 

professional,” she said.
Blumstein cites a recent survey at a 
local high school, where 600 out of 3,500 
students said they had no one to turn to 
in a time of crisis. He urges parents to 
make sure their kids have a trusted adult 
they can talk to.
He also believes in commemorating 
mental health milestones with your 
children, such as refraining from self-
harm for a period of time. 
“In mental health, we talk about those 
who tried and those who died,” he said. 
“I wish more people who are living and 
succeeding would be acknowledged and 
celebrated.”

SUICIDE SURVIVOR “ETIQUETTE”
Many people feel awkward talking to 
someone whose family member has died 
by suicide and even well-meaning friends 
can say hurtful things. Here are some 
suggestions from various professionals, 
organizations and survivors.
• When words fail, simply say “I’m 

sorry,” as you would to anyone who lost a 
loved one.
• Don’t ask questions about how or why 
the person ended their life.
• Don’t say the person is “in a better 
place” or use other hurtful cliches.
• If someone wants to talk, listen, but do 
not pressure them to open up.
• Keep in touch after the initial grieving 
period has passed.
• Share photos and memories of the 
person who died. 
• Never say you know how the person 
feels unless you have also lost someone to 
suicide.
• Avoid judging or placing blame on the 
parent or the person who died. 

LEGACIES OF LOVE
“We all need to be compassionate and 
kind,” Diane Orley said. “It’s not always 
easy, but sometimes a warm smile or 
random act of kindness can really make a 
difference.”
For Leah Gawel, continuing Sam’s 
legacy of kindness and good works 
through the decades he would have lived 
and beyond is a priority.
“How do we make sure his death is 
used for good? How can we be kinder, 
more environmentally conscious, make 
others feel comfortable?” she asks. “Focus 
on what’s important, tell people you love 
them every day.”
Max Merzin makes it a point to 
check in with friends on a regular basis, 
especially those who may be struggling.
“Put it on your calendar,” he says. 
“We all get caught up in our own lives 
and it’s easy to forget, but you’re doing 
it for both of you. And if someone is 
at risk, tell their family and friends to 
make sure they are bombarded with 
love.” 

For more information or to register for the AFSP 

“Survivors Day — Through a Jewish Lens” event 

on Sunday, Nov. 20, from noon-2 p.m., visit https://

through-a-jewish-lens.isosld.afsp.org.

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