4 | SEPTEMBER 8 • 2022 PURELY COMMENTARY for openers Waiting for Liftoff I ’m writing this column on Aug. 28, days ahead of its Sept. 8 publication date. This morning I leapt (fact-checked: very slowly rolled) out of bed with the excitement of what it must feel like to be a little kid on Christmas morning, or so I’ve heard. I’m excited because it’s launch day at Cape Canaveral for NASA ’s Artemis 1 space mission to the moon. But, alas, the test flight of the no-crew flight aboard the Orion space capsule to our lunar neighbor was scrubbed due to an engine problem. I’m hoping by the time you’re reading this a successful launch has since taken place. But, hey, flight delays are now a way of life, right? A check this morning at the website Flightaware.com revealed that as of 9:53 a.m. ET, there were a total of 8,120 delays, 900 of which were into or out of the U.S. The Artemis 1 rocket was set to take off from Launch Pad 39-B. Though this is a crewless flight, trust me, any seasoned astronaut will tell you that Launch Pad 39-B is their least favorite because it’s the furthest gate from the Kennedy Space Center’s long-term parking lot. Considering it took 10 hours for the rocket to travel from NASA ’s Vehicle Assembly Building, I think it’s a safe bet that when the Artemis 1 does take off, they will not be switching departure gates. Artemis 1 will not land on the lunar surface, instead it will fly past the moon and thousands of miles beyond before turning around. In total, the spacecraft will travel 1.3 million miles, which I would think would exhaust any of NASA ’s saved up Sky Miles. As previously stated, this space flight is unmanned, kind of. On board there are three high-tech mannequins, outfitted with space suits that test for radiation exposure for future human deep space travel. I’m checking into a rumor that the flight also includes a child- size mannequin to test future astronaut’s ability to deal with an obnoxious kid kicking the back of their seat. And this is the absolute truth, look it up, the three mannequins are named Helga, Zohar and Monnikin Capos. My sources tell me that Zohar was late to board because he had not enrolled for TSA pre- check status. What a dummy. In 2024, Artemis 2 will send humans on the same trip around the moon. A dramatic event could take place as early as 2025, when NASA is expected to land the first woman and person of color on the lunar surface. The female astronaut, of course, will guarantee that in the event the rocket strays off course, it will stop and ask for directions. The rocket holds 700,000 gallons of liquid oxygen and liquid hydrogen, which NASA says will be 10 cents cheaper per gallon if the astronauts pay with cash instead of a credit card. I have not been able to confirm that the mannequins on board this delayed flight were offered vouchers for their future flight. Lest you think money is not an issue for astronauts, according to ZipRecruiter, the average annual pay of a NASA astronaut is $94,704 a year, which translates to about $46/ hour. After tirelessly pressing NASA officials over the last few weeks, I finally got them to admit that they would’ve have sent human astronauts aboard the Artemis 1 space flight, but they just had too much trouble finding anyone to work. Historical artifacts will be going along for the ride on Artemis 1. On board will be mementos from the Apollo 11 mission, which first landed man on the moon, including a sample of moon dust previously collected. Also, a Snoopy doll outfitted in a space suit will make the journey along with an actual pen nib used by Charles Schultz for his Peanut cartoons. I immediately envisioned both Snoopy and his best friend Woodstock laying atop the Orion space capsule. This scrubbing of the Artemis 1 space flight due to an engine problem hit close to home for me. I just received a recall letter for my SUV due to a “hydraulic control unit anti- lock brake system” issue. The letter states “this condition can result in unintended vehicle movement and cause a vehicle crash without prior warning and/or injury to others outside the vehicle. ” My favorite part of the recall letter comes in its next paragraph which states in bold letters: “The remedy for this condition is not currently available. ” Can you believe that? Of course, you can. Houston, you’re not the only one with a problem. Visit his website at laughwithbigal. com,“Like” Al on Facebook and reach him at amuskovitz@thejewishnews.com. Alan Muskovitz Contributing Writer NASA.GOV With Their Centennial Gift, Judith and Irwin Elson Continue Their Long Legacy of Support for the Jewish Community. Judith and Irwin Elson are lifelong Jewish Detroiters whose shared history reflects the story of the community itself. Descended from Eastern European immigrants, they grew up in households surrounded by family and a love of Jewish life. There they learned firsthand the power of community to connect and support its members, especially when each lost a parent at the age of twelve—Judy her mother and Irwin his father. “I was brought up with Tzedakah, ” Judy recalls. “We always had the light blue box on our kitchen counter with the map of Israel on it. Supporting Jewish causes is part of who I am.” Their commitment grew after they married and started a family, with daughters Robyn and Denise. “We joined Adat Shalom, sent our daughters to Hebrew school and read the Jewish News, ” Irwin recalls, “and along the way we attended events sponsored by Federation’s Young Adult Division, became educated and solicited for the Annual Campaign.” Today, after 58 years of marriage, the Elsons have established a long legacy of leadership, involvement and generosity. Among his many roles, Irwin served as President of the JCC and was chair of Federation’s Allocation Committee. Judy serves on the boards of Federation Women’s Philanthropy and the Jewish Women’s Foundation, where she is proud to be involved in grant making for programs and advocacy for Jewish women and girls. Now, with their Centennial commitment, the Elsons’ generosity and impact will extend far into the future. The Centennial Fund is the central endowment campaign for Jewish Detroit and is designed to secure the community’s future for the next one hundred years. “Our budget has always consisted of two parts, ” Irwin notes. “Living and giving. It is only natural that we give this Centennial gift as our way of continued support for the values and services we believe in.” Their commitment also reflects confidence in future leaders of the community. “Our history was built on strong leaders and community teamwork, ” they say. “We have been lucky to have worked with so many of them and we’re most proud of our system that has continued to develop the ‘next generation’ of leaders.” Thanks to Judy and Irwin, the history of our unique and vibrant community will continue to be written long into the future.