4 | SEPTEMBER 8 • 2022 

PURELY COMMENTARY

for openers

Waiting for Liftoff
I

’m writing this column on 
Aug. 28, days ahead of its 
Sept. 8 publication date. This 
morning I leapt (fact-checked: 
very slowly rolled) out of bed 
with the excitement of what it 
must feel like to be a little kid 
on Christmas 
morning, or so 
I’ve heard.
I’m excited 
because it’s 
launch day at 
Cape Canaveral 
for NASA
’s 
Artemis 1 space 
mission to the 
moon. But, alas, the test flight 
of the no-crew flight aboard 
the Orion space capsule to our 
lunar neighbor was scrubbed 
due to an engine problem. 
I’m hoping by the time you’re 
reading this a successful launch 
has since taken place.
But, hey, flight delays are 
now a way of life, right? A 
check this morning at the 
website Flightaware.com 
revealed that as of 9:53 a.m. 
ET, there were a total of 8,120 
delays, 900 of which were into 
or out of the U.S.
The Artemis 1 rocket was set 
to take off from Launch Pad 
39-B. Though this is a crewless 
flight, trust me, any seasoned 
astronaut will tell you that 
Launch Pad 39-B is their least 
favorite because it’s the furthest 
gate from the Kennedy Space 
Center’s long-term parking lot.
Considering it took 10 hours 
for the rocket to travel from 
NASA
’s Vehicle Assembly 
Building, I think it’s a safe 
bet that when the Artemis 1 
does take off, they will not be 
switching departure gates.
Artemis 1 will not land on 

the lunar surface, instead it 
will fly past the moon and 
thousands of miles beyond 
before turning around. In total, 
the spacecraft will travel 1.3 
million miles, which I would 
think would exhaust any of 
NASA
’s saved up Sky Miles.
As previously stated, this 
space flight is unmanned, 
kind of. On board there are 
three high-tech mannequins, 
outfitted with space suits that 
test for radiation exposure for 
future human deep space travel. 
I’m checking into a rumor that 
the flight also includes a child-
size mannequin to test future 
astronaut’s ability to deal with 
an obnoxious kid kicking the 
back of their seat.
And this is the absolute 
truth, look it up, the three 
mannequins are named Helga, 
Zohar and Monnikin Capos. 
My sources tell me that Zohar 
was late to board because he 
had not enrolled for TSA pre-
check status. What a dummy.
In 2024, Artemis 2 will 

send humans on the same 
trip around the moon. A 
dramatic event could take 
place as early as 2025, when 
NASA is expected to land the 
first woman and person of 
color on the lunar surface. The 
female astronaut, of course, will 
guarantee that in the event the 
rocket strays off course, it will 
stop and ask for directions.
The rocket holds 700,000 
gallons of liquid oxygen and 
liquid hydrogen, which NASA 
says will be 10 cents cheaper 
per gallon if the astronauts pay 
with cash instead of a credit 
card.
I have not been able to 
confirm that the mannequins 
on board this delayed flight 
were offered vouchers for 
their future flight. Lest you 
think money is not an issue 
for astronauts, according to 
ZipRecruiter, the average 
annual pay of a NASA 
astronaut is $94,704 a year, 
which translates to about $46/
hour. 

After tirelessly pressing 
NASA officials over the last 
few weeks, I finally got them to 
admit that they would’ve have 
sent human astronauts aboard 
the Artemis 1 space flight, but 
they just had too much trouble 
finding anyone to work. 
Historical artifacts will be 
going along for the ride on 
Artemis 1. On board will be 
mementos from the Apollo 
11 mission, which first landed 
man on the moon, including 
a sample of moon dust 
previously collected.
Also, a Snoopy doll outfitted 
in a space suit will make the 
journey along with an actual 
pen nib used by Charles 
Schultz for his Peanut cartoons. 
I immediately envisioned both 
Snoopy and his best friend 
Woodstock laying atop the 
Orion space capsule.
This scrubbing of the 
Artemis 1 space flight due to 
an engine problem hit close to 
home for me. I just received a 
recall letter for my SUV due to 
a “hydraulic control unit anti-
lock brake system” issue. The 
letter states “this condition can 
result in unintended vehicle 
movement and cause a vehicle 
crash without prior warning 
and/or injury to others outside 
the vehicle.
”
My favorite part of the 
recall letter comes in its next 
paragraph which states in bold 
letters: “The remedy for this 
condition is not currently 
available.
” Can you believe 
that? Of course, you can. 
Houston, you’re not the only 
one with a problem. 

 

Visit his website at laughwithbigal.

com,“Like” Al on Facebook and reach 

him at amuskovitz@thejewishnews.com.

Alan 
Muskovitz
Contributing 
Writer

NASA.GOV

With Their Centennial Gift, Judith and Irwin Elson Continue 
Their Long Legacy of Support for the Jewish Community.

Judith and Irwin Elson are lifelong Jewish Detroiters whose 
shared history reflects the story of the community itself. 
Descended from Eastern European immigrants, they grew up in 
households surrounded by family and a love of Jewish life. There 
they learned firsthand the power of community to connect and 
support its members, especially when each lost a parent at the 
age of twelve—Judy her mother and Irwin his father. “I was 
brought up with Tzedakah,
” Judy recalls. “We always had the 
light blue box on our kitchen counter with the map of Israel on it. 
Supporting Jewish causes is part of who I am.” Their commitment 
grew after they married and started a family, with daughters 
Robyn and Denise. “We joined Adat Shalom, sent our daughters 
to Hebrew school and read the Jewish News,
” Irwin recalls, “and 
along the way we attended events sponsored by Federation’s 
Young Adult Division, became educated and solicited for the 
Annual Campaign.” Today, after 58 years of marriage, the Elsons 
have established a long legacy of leadership, involvement and 
generosity. Among his many roles, Irwin served as President of 
the JCC and was chair of Federation’s Allocation Committee. 

Judy serves on the boards of Federation Women’s Philanthropy 
and the Jewish Women’s Foundation, where she is proud to be 
involved in grant making for programs and advocacy for Jewish 
women and girls.
Now, with their Centennial commitment, the Elsons’ 
generosity and impact will extend far into the future. The 
Centennial Fund is the central endowment campaign for Jewish 
Detroit and is designed to secure the community’s future for the 
next one hundred years. “Our budget has always consisted of 
two parts,
” Irwin notes. “Living and giving. It is only natural that 
we give this Centennial gift as our way of continued support for 
the values and services we believe in.” Their commitment also 
reflects confidence in future leaders of the community. “Our 
history was built on strong leaders and community teamwork,
” 
they say. “We have been lucky to have worked with so many of 
them and we’re most proud of our system that has continued to 
develop the ‘next generation’ of leaders.” Thanks to Judy and 
Irwin, the history of our unique and vibrant community will 
continue to be written long into the future. 

