HEALTH

G

rowing up in in Milwaukee, Stefani 
Goerlich, 52, owner of Bound 
Together Counseling, recalled that 
there were three things polite people do not 
speak of openly in mixed company: religion, 
politics and sex. 
“I guess I’ve made a career 
of all the things you are not 
supposed to talk about,
” said 
Goerlich, a nationally known 
sex therapist and author of the 
bestseller, The Leather Couch: 
Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients 
(September 2020, Routledge). 
The book won the 2020 Book Award of the 
American Association of Sexuality Educators, 
Counselors and Therapists. This month, 
Goerlich’s book will be honored with the 2022 
Professional Book Award Winner from the 
Society for Sex Therapy and Research. 
Goerlich, who lives in Sterling Heights, 
began her career as a crisis hotline moderator 
and first worked as an advocate of those vic-
timized by sex trafficking with at-risk girls and 
women in Detroit. 
Since her youth in Milwaukee, she said she 
was drawn to the clergy. At one point, she 
thought she would join the Navy to become a 
chaplain. A later-in-life delve into Judaism and 
Jewish texts led her to begin rabbinical school, 
but her life took a different direction when her 
sons developed serious health issues. 
“Rabbinical school meant I would need 
to spend a substantial amount of time liv-
ing in Israel, but my sons’ entire medical 
team of doctors and specialists were here in 
Detroit,
” Goerlich said. She went on to earn 
her master’s in social work from Wayne State 
University, specializing in cognitive behavioral 
therapy. She completed her post-graduate 
certificate in sex therapy at the University of 
Michigan where she is on the teaching faculty 
of the Sexual Health Certificate Program and 
holds a Ph.D. in clinical sexology. 
“My goal was always eventually to circle 
back and to finish my rabbinical training, but 

I came to the conclusion that I could serve 
God and support people in all kinds of ways,
” 
said Goerlich, whose family belongs to Temple 
Beth El in Bloomfield Township and who also 
enjoys attending events at the Chabad Jewish 
Center of Troy. “Being a rabbi means to do 
deep healing work with people from a unique-
ly Jewish lens. So, I took it as a sign, and I 
think that this is where God clearly wants me 
to be from a career standpoint.
” 

A SPECIAL CLIENTELE
Because of her interest and knowledge of reli-
gion, Goerlich focuses on treating religious 
clients. Of her Jewish clients, their sexual 
knowhow runs the gamut between inhibition 
and sexual experimentation, including reli-
gious couples who married young but realize 
they need guidance in getting satisfaction in 
the bedroom and beyond, she said.
“Some of my favorite people to work with 
are religiously conservative young couples 
who are Jewish, Christian and Muslim, who 
get married very young because that’s the only 
way to morally explore their sexual desire for 
one another,
” Goerlich said. “Then they realize 
they don’t know what to do or were not as sex-
ually compatible as they believed.
” 
Much about a satisfying sex life sometimes 
has to do with mystery, physical distance and 
a temporary unavailability of one’s partner, 
things that have all been hard to come by 
during the pandemic. Goerlich said that this 
topic is also like a two-sided coin: While the 
pandemic has left her single clients battling 
loneliness and isolation, married couples have 
had a bit too much togetherness. 
“The social isolation and inability to meet 
people and look for partners has been very 
painful for my single clients,
” Goerlich said. 
“[Psychotherapist] Esther Perel talks about 
how couples need some distance and separa-
tion to maintain desire and attraction. That’s 
been difficult in the last two years.
” 
Goerlich advised that intimacy begins 
before the bedroom. Elevating mealtime by 

cooking together, a backrub or even having 
a technology-free eye-to-eye conversation can 
be considered foreplay. 
“We rarely have conversations around what 
we fantasize or are curious about,
” explained 
Goerlich. “Many couples think this means 
talking dirty or watching something erotic; 
and for religious couples, that’s not a viable 
option. But you can talk with your partner 
about what you find sexy, erotic or loving. 
Direct conversations like that can be very sur-
prising and can create a sense of intimacy and 
newness, even if we have not had a chance to 
experience that in the last few years.
” 
Goerlich has also long been an ally to the 
LGBTQ community. 
“My LGBTQ clients who receive acceptance 
and affirmation from their families come to 
me not because of their sexual identity, but 
because they may be working through anxiety 
or depression,
” Goerlich explained. “For the 
patients who have not received that love and 
support, the pain they feel is the most difficult 
part of my work. I also support my clients 
seeking gender-affirming care.
” 

Find out more at https://www.stefanigoerlich.com.

Jewish therapist focuses on helping religious couples 
get more satisfaction in their relationship.
An Expert in Intimacy

Stefani 
Goerlich

STACY GITTLEMAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

36 | MAY 5 • 2022 

