APRIL 7 • 2022 | 9

from anxious parents) in the 
old familiar way, before it later 
morphed into a newer more 
melodic tune. “Dayenu” was 
sung in the well-known tune, 
although we had shortened the 
song by then to five or six verses. 
We all took turns reading from 
the Haggadah; the kids laughed 
at the names of the rabbis and 
younger kids stumbled over the 
words, but everyone who could 
read was encouraged to try. 
And through it all, my Bubbie 
stood guard to ensure that we 
didn’t skip anything important, 
even though I doubt that she 
could read Hebrew. 
As I recall, we read from yel-
low and red Haggadahs, which 
were a little bit newer than the 
older Maxwell house versions 
and had bigger print, but still 
told the story of the Exodus in 
the old way. I always tried to find 
the copy of the Haggadah I had 
used in Hebrew School class, 
which I knew because I had writ-
ten in ink in the margins “Louis 
is a spaz,
” blaspheming my 

Hebrew school friend in the ver-
nacular of the times (and whom 
I haven’t seen for 60 years!). Talk 
about political incorrectness on 
so many levels! 
There was a clear division of 
labor at the seder. Men were 
there to run the seder and teach 
the kids. Women participated in 
the seder but had one eye (and 
often both feet) in the kitchen. 
This was especially true for the 
after-dinner portion of the seder, 
when we returned to the seder 
table to complete the ritual and 
sing songs together. My cousins 
and I strived so hard to learn to 
follow the Hebrew and sing as 
fast as our uncles on “old coun-
try” family tunes for “
Adir Hu,
” 
“Key Lo Noeh” and “Echod Mi 
Yodeya.
” We would laugh and 
sing and pound on the table as 
we tried to keep up. In our fam-
ily, that was a sign of a coming 
of age. 
My sister Sheila (now Shana) 
and cousin Sandy gradually 
began to question the role of 
men and women at the seder. 

Why were the boys allowed to 
stay at the table, while girls were 
expected to help out in the kitch-
en with clean up? The original 
seating pattern also was gen-
der-based, with men and boys 
closer to the head of the table. 
Gradually, over the years, 
things began to change. The 
seating patterns tended toward 
less strict gender norms. I also 
recall my girl cousins, who were 
also attending Hebrew school, 
gradually being present at the 
table for the after-dinner reading 
and songs, keeping up with the 
men as well as the boys. And by 
the end of each seder, my aunts 
would join us in the living room 
for “Chad Gadya” and we would 
all stand up and sing “Hatikvah” 
together and end with “God 
Bless America,
” including drum 
beats and harmony. 
The seder was the time we felt 
the closest as an extended family 
and the most Jewish. As kids, we 
would complain to each other 
about having to come, but I think 
we all knew how much we want-

ed to be “in the room.
”
We all still recall my Uncle 
Gary’s notorious clues for find-
ing the Afikomen, including 
the most famous of them all 
which involved the phrase “Ruby 
Begonia,
” which I believe was 
lifted from an episode of Amos 
and Andy, which eclipses our pre-
vious record for political incor-
rectness! But I’m sorry if you’re 
offended; I can’t write about 
Pesachs past without mention-
ing that famous clue that we all 
remember. It still brings a shared 
laugh whenever we recall our old 
seders. 
And though my Bubbie may 
have been clueless about that 
clue, she made sure that we 
always knew and always did what 
was important. Somewhere, I 
know she is still standing guard, 
beaming at all of us, because her 
family still keeps the faith and 
remembers. 

Dr. Jeff London is a retired child 

psychiatrist from Farmington Hills.

MEMORIES OF PESACHS PAST continued from page 6

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