4 | MARCH 24 • 2022 

L

ast month in the JN 
I shared similarities 
between myself and 
quarterback Tom Brady, one 
of which was we both knew 
when it was 
the right time 
to retire from 
football. Tom 
called it quits 
after an illus-
trious 22-year 
NFL career that 
included seven 
Super Bowl 
wins, while I hung up my 
athletic cup after only a few 
weeks of getting my tuchus 
kicked unmercifully as a 
member of Southfield’s Mary 
Thompson Jr. High School 
Titans seventh grade heavy-
weight squad.
Well, as you no doubt 
know by now, after only 40 
days into retirement, Tom 
Brady had a change of heart 
and decided to un-retire and 
return as the starting QB for 
the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. 
At the time of his retire-
ment Brady said: “It is now 
time to focus my time and 
energy on other things that 
require my attention.” Well, 
he must have attention defi-
cit because after 40 days he 
benched his wife and three 
young kids for a return to the 
gridiron. I guess if waking 
up every day in a waterfront 
mansion in Florida with a 
super model by your side 
can’t keep your attention, 

nothing will. Except football. 
Of his flip-flop, Brady said 
he had “unfinished business” 
to attend to. If a seven-time 
Super Bowl champion has 
unfinished business, what 
does that leave the Detroit 
Lions left to accomplish? 
Future headline: Entire Lions 
team and ownership retire 
after winning a first-round 
playoff game. Ford family says: 
“There’s no way we can ever 
top this.
”
It’s obvious Brady had a 
rude reckoning with reali-
ty. Despite his 2021 salary, 
with bonuses, bringing it to 
around $40 million, he still 
has three young kids to put 
through college. And have 
you seen gas prices lately? 
Plus, Tom will be 45-years old 
when he suits up for his 23rd 
season this fall. That means 
he still has 20 years left 
before he can go on Medicare 
and over 20 years before he 
can start collecting Social 
Security unless he takes it 
early. Talk about a financial 
wake-up call.
Meanwhile, news of Tom 
Brady’s un-retirement brings 
up a subject that has long 
been a source of annoyance 
for me, mostly generated 
from the entertainment 
industry, specifically singers 
who go on “Farewell Tours”
... 
more than once. 
Cher reportedly had one of 
the highest-grossing farewell 
tours ending in 2005 pulling 

in upwards of $250 million, 
which (stand by for a run 
on sentence) sustained her 
until she un-retired in 2008 
to perform in residency at 
Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, 
which earned her another $60 
million, which she scraped by 
on until she un-retired and 
hit the road on her Dressed to 
Kill Tour in 2014, pulling in 
close to $55 million, which 
she managed to eke by on 
until she un-retired in 2017 
to do another residency in 
Las Vegas. I got you, babe? 
No, she got us, in the pock-
etbook. 
I’m sorry, but if you’re a 
singer who lured folks into 
forking well over a quarter 
billion dollars in tickets for 
a last chance to come say 
goodbye to you, then those 
tickets, and all the other faux 
farewell tour tickets, should 
be refunded. And if you have 
the chutzpah to un-retire 
yet again, then those tickets 
should be free to those fans 
who came to say goodbye to 
you before. Or at the very 
least pay for their parking.
Who could forget when 
Barbra Streisand retired in 
2000? Apparently, Barbra. She 
went on to un-retire several 
more times over the last two 
decades. And she laments 
why “you don’t bring me 
flowers anymore?” Why? We 
can’t afford it. I paid $350 
a ticket to see Babs at the 
Palace of Auburn Hills in 

1994. OK, it was worth it. 
Elton John first retired 
in 1977 but several other 
farewell tours would fol-
low over the decades. Then 
just this past Feb. 8 and 9, 
John bid adieu again for the 
“last” time at Little Caesars 
Arena in Detroit during his 
Farewell Yellow Brick Road 
tour. But wouldn’t you know 
it, it’s road construction 
season and apparently even 
the yellow brick road is in 
need of repair. Not to worry, 
Elton will defray those costs 
by returning to say goodbye 
again, again, at Comerica 
Park on July 18.
I conclude by telling you 
about one farewell tour in 
the entertainment business 
that actually did stick. Hard 
to believe, but this Saturday, 
March 26, marks the 12th 
anniversary of Dick Purtan’s 
retirement from radio. I 
was honored to be a part of 
Purtan’s People for 20 years 
and that final broadcast.
Could Dick and Purtan’s 
People be coaxed out of 
retirement? Highly unlike-
ly — unless we could find a 
cassette or CD player to play 
our old comedy bits on ... and 
who has one of those any-
more? 

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/

acting talent, speaker, and emcee. 

Visit his website at laughwithbigal.com.

Like Al on Facebook and reach him at 

amuskovitz@thejewishnews.com.

Alan 
Muskovitz
Contributing 
Writer

PURELY COMMENTARY

Performers who have had more than one “farewell tour.”

for openers
Goodbye, and 
Hello Again

RAPH_PH VIA WIKIMEDIA

 NIH IMAGE GALLERY

Barbra Streisand

GEORGES BIARD VIA WIKIMEDIA

Elton John
Cher

