4 | FEBRUARY 10 • 2022
for openers
Me and Tom Brady
T
om Brady announced
his retirement last
week from profession-
al football after 22 years and
seven Super Bowl victories.
He’s a University
of Michigan
graduate. I’m a
Michigan State
graduate. But
we do have two
things in com-
mon. We both
knew when it was
the right time to
retire from football, and we’ve
both been associated with super
models. Stay with me here.
I’ll never forget that fateful
day in 1967 when I walked
away from the game of football.
I was the back-up quarterback
on my seventh grade Mary
Thompson Jr. High School
team in Southfield. I had made
what they called the “heavy-
weights” squad. Yes, we had
two squads, lightweights and
heavyweights. Not politically
correct but an accurate assess-
ment. Our schedule consisted
of school opponents in equal
weight classes.
Sadly, I made the heavy-
weight team by one pound.
Instead of being the biggest kid
on the lightweights, I was now
the smallest kid on the heavy-
weights. I should’ve skipped
lunch on tryout day.
A scale dashed my dreams
of being the most dominating
fullback in junior high football
history.
Every day I had to face prac-
ticing against behemoths, all the
while wearing my older broth-
er’s hand-me-down athletic cup
(honest) and high-top spikes —
a Johnny Unitas look without
the talent.
In a decision that rivals any
bad player personnel decision
the Detroit Lions have ever
made, I was designated the
back-up quarterback for my
squad. I don’t recall ever trying
out for that position let alone
being good enough to be the
go-to-guy in an emergency.
Our coach must have felt our
starting QB was invincible. He
was a tall muscular guy named
Bill whose athletic prowess
deserved the starting nod. If
he was our team’s Tom Brady,
I was our Don Knotts — ner-
vously shaking on the sideline.
I took a knee before the start of
every game. I wasn’t protesting;
I was praying I wouldn’t be
inserted into the lineup. My
prayers weren’t answered.
One fateful fall night, Bill got
injured during a battle against a
bruising team from Anderson
Jr. High School in Berkley. I was
called into duty and called the
only play I had committed to
memory, 939, a pass play.
I took the snap, faded back
and threw the ball barely down
the field. However, I threw it
so high in the air it gave both
teams time to settle under the
wounded duck of a pass to fight
for its possession. In the strug-
gle, the ball aimlessly fell to the
ground.
Thankfully, Bill recovered
quickly and was reinserted
into the lineup after my lone
play. Mercifully, this was before
smart phones, which no doubt
would have ended up being
a humiliating viral video on
social media.
These circumstances led to
my premature retirement from
the gridiron. I’m not sure what
was bruised more, my body or
my ego.
As previously mentioned,
Tom Brady and I both have had
life experiences involving super
models. Brady will celebrate
his 13th wedding anniversary
this month with entrepreneur,
philanthropist and former
Victoria Secret model Gisele
Bündchen. Talk about your
power couple.
On the other hand, my “rela-
tionship” years ago with model
Christie Brinkley has remained
under the radar. You heard me.
Here’s the back-story.
I was on a media junket to
Walt Disney World as part
of the Dick Purtan morning
radio show. We were wined and
dined by the Disney Corp. in
exchange for our broadcasting
from the park to promote their
newest ride — the high-speed
GM Test Track.
The exhibit and ride gave
patrons the experience of what
rigorous testing General Motors
put their concept cars through.
The experience left me breath-
less, but not as much as my
exchange with Ms. Brinkley.
Christie was one of several
high-profile celebrities brought
in by Disney to promote the
track’s grand opening. Part of
their obligation was meeting
with the press. I was lucky
enough to secure a one-on-one
conversation with her.
Prior to my pushing record
on my tape recorder, I told her
that my radio character, “Big
Al,
” often invited well-known
celebrities to be in on a gag
— to act like they knew me
personally — like I was some
big deal. In this case, I asked
Christie to pretend we had
dated in the past. Her perfor-
mance ended up being worthy
of an Academy Award.
I barely got my introduction
on tape started when Christie
jumped in and chastised me for
not having kept in touch. “Big
Al” she bellowed with disap-
pointment in her voice, “why
haven’t you called me!” It was
perfect. Being at Disney you
might say it was our version of
Beauty and the Beast.
So now you know how Tom
Brady’s life and mine have
intersected. Football and super
models. Tom’s heading for the
Hall of Fame, and I’ve secured
my spot in the Hall of Shame.
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/
acting talent, speaker and emcee. Visit
his website at laughwithbigal.com,”-
Like” Al on Facebook and reach him at
amuskovitz@thejewishnews.com.
Alan
Muskovitz
Contributing
Writer
SUE GERSTEN, 1999
PURELY COMMENTARY
Alan “Big Al”
Muskovitz interviews
Christie Brinkley at
Disney World.