4 | DECEMBER 9 • 2021

essay
Argue, Don’t Fight
T

here’s an enormous difference
between an argument and an
attack. Calling someone a liar or a
traitor is not an argument; it’s an attack. If
you marshal facts and reason to make your
case, that’s an argument.
Have you noticed how so
many arguments these days
quickly unravel into nasty
fights?
OK, be honest: When
you get an email, what kind
of “information” gets your
adrenaline pumping — a
personal attack on someone or a reasoned
argument about a serious issue? For most
people, the personal attack, like juicy gos-
sip, is simply irresistible. It’s like watching
the aftermath of a car wreck or seeing
someone being arrested — there’s a weird
thrill in witnessing trouble of any kind.
In the same way that popcorn tastes
better than Brussels sprouts, it’s a bigger
thrill to see a fight than a civil debate. It
appeals to our primal appetites.
As much as the Jewish tradition values
reasoned argument, in the hard reality
of communal life that tradition often
succumbs to the thrill of the fight. I see it
all the time. When people are outraged,
they’re more inclined to take the gloves
off than to think in Talmudic ways.
I call it the “curse of being right.” Some
people are so sure of themselves, so
blinded by their passions, they will vio-
late their own norms of decency. In that
state, a polite person may become rude;
a friendly person may become hostile; a
calm person may become enraged.
That is the curse of righteousness — it
can bring out the worst in us. It can even
make us forget who we are.
But, you ask, when the stakes are so
high, and if your opponents are so wrong
and you must teach them a lesson, why
not attack them if you think you’re right?
Because it’s ugly, divisive and boringly
empty.
People who attack others — public-
ly, anonymously or otherwise — don’t
enlighten but offer cheap thrills that

spread gossip and division and leave
everyone feeling empty and dirty.
Try listening to some juicy gossip at a
Shabbat table, or at any moment. It might
give us a quick sugar high, but when we
put down others to elevate ourselves, all
we feel is emptiness.
One of my favorite Jewish teachings is
the idea of transcending our appetites.
We’re not supposed to settle for quick hits
and cheap thrills. Our tradition encour-
ages us to be thoughtful at all times, even
when (especially when!) our passions are
inflamed.
Perhaps the biggest obstacle to civil dia-
logue is when people are hypnotized by a
cause. If you despise Donald Trump, if you
think the Iran nuclear deal is an existential
threat, if you feel violated by vaccine man-
dates — and on and on — you’re vulnera-
ble to the curse of being right.
The antidote to that curse is the bless-
ing of curiosity. Open any page of Talmud
and you’ll see the glorious offshoots of
curiosity — careful listening, knowledge-
able arguments, delightful complexity and
a relentless commitment to civility.
It’s not a coincidence that in determin-
ing Jewish law, our Sages took the side of
the Hillel school over the uncompromis-
ing school of Shammai. As the Talmud
explains in Tractate Eruvim: “On what

basis did the School of Hillel merit that
the law should be determined in accor-
dance with its positions? Because they
were gentle and kind, and they studied
their own rulings plus those of Shammai.
They were even so humble as to place the
words of Shammai before their own.”
There are more than five centuries of
civil, complex debate gathered in our
Talmud. Those 40 volumes are as much
a Jewish treasure as the Five Books of
Moses because they bring the Torah into
our everyday lives and help us refine our
characters. Of course, our Sages had a
big advantage over us: They weren’t dis-
tracted by smartphones, email and social
media, so it was much easier for them to
dig deep and be thoughtful.
Today we must make a greater effort.
Whether it’s in our personal or com-
munal relations, let us not succumb to the
curse of being right. Let us instead do the
hard work of seeking knowledge, valuing
complexity and arguing with decency.
If you disagree, I’m open to a reasoned
argument. I’ve learned over the years to
love Brussels sprouts. I hear they’re really
good for you.

David Suissa is editor-in-chief and publisher of Tribe

Media Corp and the Jewish Journal. This article was

first published by the Jewish Journal.

David Suissa

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