4 | DECEMBER 9 • 2021 

essay
Argue, Don’t Fight 
T

here’s an enormous difference 
between an argument and an 
attack. Calling someone a liar or a 
traitor is not an argument; it’s an attack. If 
you marshal facts and reason to make your 
case, that’s an argument.
Have you noticed how so 
many arguments these days 
quickly unravel into nasty 
fights?
OK, be honest: When 
you get an email, what kind 
of “information” gets your 
adrenaline pumping — a 
personal attack on someone or a reasoned 
argument about a serious issue? For most 
people, the personal attack, like juicy gos-
sip, is simply irresistible. It’s like watching 
the aftermath of a car wreck or seeing 
someone being arrested — there’s a weird 
thrill in witnessing trouble of any kind.
In the same way that popcorn tastes 
better than Brussels sprouts, it’s a bigger 
thrill to see a fight than a civil debate. It 
appeals to our primal appetites. 
As much as the Jewish tradition values 
reasoned argument, in the hard reality 
of communal life that tradition often 
succumbs to the thrill of the fight. I see it 
all the time. When people are outraged, 
they’re more inclined to take the gloves 
off than to think in Talmudic ways.
I call it the “curse of being right.” Some 
people are so sure of themselves, so 
blinded by their passions, they will vio-
late their own norms of decency. In that 
state, a polite person may become rude; 
a friendly person may become hostile; a 
calm person may become enraged. 
That is the curse of righteousness — it 
can bring out the worst in us. It can even 
make us forget who we are. 
But, you ask, when the stakes are so 
high, and if your opponents are so wrong 
and you must teach them a lesson, why 
not attack them if you think you’re right?
Because it’s ugly, divisive and boringly 
empty.
People who attack others — public-
ly, anonymously or otherwise — don’t 
enlighten but offer cheap thrills that 

spread gossip and division and leave 
everyone feeling empty and dirty.
Try listening to some juicy gossip at a 
Shabbat table, or at any moment. It might 
give us a quick sugar high, but when we 
put down others to elevate ourselves, all 
we feel is emptiness. 
One of my favorite Jewish teachings is 
the idea of transcending our appetites. 
We’re not supposed to settle for quick hits 
and cheap thrills. Our tradition encour-
ages us to be thoughtful at all times, even 
when (especially when!) our passions are 
inflamed.
Perhaps the biggest obstacle to civil dia-
logue is when people are hypnotized by a 
cause. If you despise Donald Trump, if you 
think the Iran nuclear deal is an existential 
threat, if you feel violated by vaccine man-
dates — and on and on — you’re vulnera-
ble to the curse of being right.
The antidote to that curse is the bless-
ing of curiosity. Open any page of Talmud 
and you’ll see the glorious offshoots of 
curiosity — careful listening, knowledge-
able arguments, delightful complexity and 
a relentless commitment to civility.
It’s not a coincidence that in determin-
ing Jewish law, our Sages took the side of 
the Hillel school over the uncompromis-
ing school of Shammai. As the Talmud 
explains in Tractate Eruvim: “On what 

basis did the School of Hillel merit that 
the law should be determined in accor-
dance with its positions? Because they 
were gentle and kind, and they studied 
their own rulings plus those of Shammai. 
They were even so humble as to place the 
words of Shammai before their own.” 
There are more than five centuries of 
civil, complex debate gathered in our 
Talmud. Those 40 volumes are as much 
a Jewish treasure as the Five Books of 
Moses because they bring the Torah into 
our everyday lives and help us refine our 
characters. Of course, our Sages had a 
big advantage over us: They weren’t dis-
tracted by smartphones, email and social 
media, so it was much easier for them to 
dig deep and be thoughtful.
Today we must make a greater effort.
Whether it’s in our personal or com-
munal relations, let us not succumb to the 
curse of being right. Let us instead do the 
hard work of seeking knowledge, valuing 
complexity and arguing with decency.
If you disagree, I’m open to a reasoned 
argument. I’ve learned over the years to 
love Brussels sprouts. I hear they’re really 
good for you. 

David Suissa is editor-in-chief and publisher of Tribe 

Media Corp and the Jewish Journal. This article was 

first published by the Jewish Journal.

David Suissa

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