4 | NOVEMBER 18 • 2021 

PURELY COMMENTARY

for openers

Commercially Speaking
I

n my Oct. 14 column, I 
bemoaned the fact that 
our radio and television 
airwaves have become 
saturated with nonstop, nails-
on-a-chalkboard-annoying 
commercials promoting 
sportsbook betting. Thank you 
to the JN readers 
who reached out 
to me since then 
to share their 
own disdain. I 
knew I wasn’t 
alone.
I did want 
to add a little 
addendum to my diatribe that 
I didn’t include in my previous 
column simply because I had 
reached my word count. So 
please indulge me for a few 
extra words on the subject. 
(I’ll make it up to you with 
some lighter fare later in the 
column.)
Sportsbook betting is 
here, it’s legal and I’m not 
campaigning to have that form 
of entertainment “canceled.
” 
But I think it’s worrisome that 
at the core of most, if not all, 
of the commercials are the 
ceaseless bombardment of 
incentives to entice you into 
gambling.
Sportsbook commercials 
woo you with deals like “risk-
free” betting, deals that will 
“match your bet” or the lure 
of “bonus money,
” just to 
name a few. If you weren’t 
a gambler before, you just 
might be seduced into being 
one or, regrettably, feed an 
already existing addiction. 
The promotional messages are 
always followed by a rapid-
fire disclaimer at the end that 
includes an 800 number to call 

if you’re having a gambling 
problem. 
Admittedly, sportsbook 
commercials aren’t really doing 
anything different than, let’s say 
pizza commercials, that offer 
two pizzas for the price of one. 
One is offering you the chance 
to line your pockets; the other 
is offering to line your arteries. 
Both whet your appetite, but 
the last time I checked, pizza 
commercials that are “feeding” 
my deep-dish addiction don’t 
offer an 800-help number.
At any rate, I just wanted to 
get that additional issue about 
sportsbooks off my chest. At 
the end of the day, whether it’s 
gambling or eating, it really is 
all about self-control anyway, 
right? I mean that’s why I’ve 
never been asked to lead a 
Weight Watchers meeting.
OK, I’m going to do an 
about face and share what 
are currently my absolute 
favorite commercials airing 
right now. Hands down it’s 
the entertaining television 
ads produced by Progressive 
Insurance.
You’re probably most 
familiar with the commercials 
that feature “Flo” and her 
team of Progressive Insurance 
representatives dressed in 
their white company aprons 
bestowing the virtues of 
Progressive’s coverage in a 
variety of humorous situations. 
I love those. But it’s the 
Progressive spots that feature 
life coach “Dr. Rick” that leave 
me laughing out loud.
Dr. Rick is a so-called 
pioneer in “parentamorphosis” 
who helps sufferers to 
“un-become” their parents. He 
takes his “patients” on group 

outings 
to perform 
exposure therapy to help 
change their behaviors learned 
by years of witnessing their 
own aging parents’ awkward 
and humiliating habits. 
The patients of Dr. Rick I 
most relate to are those folks 
who have the uncontrollable 
urge to communicate with 
complete strangers in public 
places. Examples include a 
woman in an airport who 
witnesses someone running late 
for a flight and can’t help but 
say out loud: “Oh no, someone 
should’ve left home earlier.
” Or 
the man in a hardware store 
who offers unsolicited advice 
to another customer looking 
at the same display. “If you’re 
looking for a grout brush this 
is...,
” he says, before Dr. Rick 
intervenes and stops him from 
talking up the great virtues of 
a particular grout brush he’s 
holding.
I ... am ... that... grout brush 
guy. What can I say? I’m a 
kibitzer to a fault and, OK, 
I’m starved for attention. 
I’ve passed by folks walking 
teeny-weenie little dogs and 
said: “Lookout, killer dog on 
the loose!” which is usually 
followed by sympathy chuckles 
from the dog owners. I’ll turn 
to a parent holding a baby in 

line at Starbucks 
and say: “I’ll bet 
your baby can’t start their day 
without that first cup of coffee,
” 
again followed by a respectful 
“ha, ha, ha.
” Yeah, I know — 
pathetic.
But it was a similar “talking 
to a complete stranger” 
incident at a Starbucks just last 
week that may make me think 
twice, at least temporarily, 
from entering these awkward, 
uninvited exchanges. 
I had joined a group of 
people waiting for their coffee 
orders to be finished. Among 
them was a mom with her cute 
son, maybe all of 5 years old, 
who was nattily dressed in a 
two-piece suit and shiny black 
dress shoes. And my impulsive 
self said: “Looks like your little 
businessman is getting ready 
for a long day at work.
” The 
mom smiled and said: “Yes, 
thank you, he looks sharp, but 
unfortunately. we’re going to a 
funeral.
” In Starbucks lingo, I 
felt like a Grande Moron.
I have an appointment with 
Dr. Rick next week. I hope he 
accepts Medicare. 

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-

over/acting talent, speaker, 

and emcee. Visit his website 

at laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al 

on Facebook and reach him at 

amuskovitz@thejewishnews.com.

Alan 
Muskovitz

PROGRESSIVE.COM

