NOVEMBER 18 • 2021 | 45

uses the name Jacob to mean 
someone who practices 
deception: “Beware of your 
friends; do not trust anyone 
in your clan; for every one of 
them is a deceiver and every 
friend a slanderer” (Jer. 9:3).
As long as Jacob sought to 
be Esau, there was tension, 
conflict, rivalry. Esau felt 
cheated; Jacob felt fear. That 
night, about to meet Esau 
again after an absence of 22 
years, Jacob wrestles with 
himself; finally he throws off 
the image of Esau, the person 
he wants to be, which he has 
carried with him all these 
years. 
This is the critical moment 
in Jacob’s life. From now on, 
he is content to be himself. 
And it is only when we stop 
wanting to be someone else 
(in Shakespeare’s words, 
“desiring this man’s art, and 
that man’s scope, with what I 
most enjoy contented least” 
that we can be at peace with 
ourselves and with the world.

BE WHO YOU ARE
This is one of the great chal-
lenges of leadership. It is 
all too easy for a leader to 
pursue popularity by being 
what people want him or her 
to be — a liberal to liberals, 
a conservative to conserva-
tives, taking decisions that 
win temporary acclaim rather 
than flowing from principle 
and conviction. Presidential 
adviser David Gergen once 
wrote about Bill Clinton that 
he “isn’t exactly sure who he 
is yet and tries to define him-
self by how well others like 
him. That leads him into all 
sorts of contradictions, and 
the view by others that he 
seems a constant mixture of 
strengths and weaknesses.”
Leaders sometimes try to 
“hold the team together” by 
saying different things to 

different people, but even-
tually these contradictions 
become clear — especially in 
the total transparency that 
modern media impose — and 
the result is that the leader 
appears to lack integrity. 
People will no longer trust 
their remarks. There is a loss 
of confidence and authority 
that may take a long time 
to restore. The leader may 
find that their position has 
become untenable and may 
be forced to resign. Few 
things make a leader more 
unpopular than the pursuit of 
popularity.
Great leaders have the 
courage to live with unpopu-
larity. Abraham Lincoln was 
reviled and ridiculed during 
his lifetime. In 1864, the New 
York Times wrote of him: “He 
has been denounced without 
end as a perjurer, a usurper, 
a tyrant, a subverter of the 
Constitution, a destroyer of 
the liberties of his country, a 
reckless desperado, a heart-
less trifler over the last ago-
nies of an expiring nation.”
Winston Churchill, until 
he became prime minister 
during the Second World 
War, had been written off as 
a failure. And soon after the 
war ended, he was defeated 
in the 1945 General Election. 
He himself said that “success 
is stumbling from failure 
to failure with no loss of 
enthusiasm.” When Margaret 
Thatcher died, some people 
celebrated in the streets. John 
F. Kennedy, Yitzchak Rabin 
and Martin Luther King were 
assassinated.

SELF-IDENTITY
Jacob was not a leader; there 
was as yet no nation for him 
to lead. Yet the Torah goes 
to great lengths to give us 
an insight into his struggle 
for identity, because it was 

not his alone. Most of us 
have experienced this strug-
gle. (The word avot used 
to describe Abraham, Isaac 
and Jacob, means not only 
“fathers, patriarchs” but also 
“archetypes”). It is not easy 
to overcome the desire to be 
someone else, to want what 
they have, to be what they 
are. Most of us have such 
feelings from time to time. 
Girard argues that this has 
been the main source of 
conflict throughout history. 
It can take a lifetime of wres-
tling before we know who we 
are and relinquish the desire 
to be who we are not.
More than anyone else 
in Genesis, Jacob is sur-
rounded by conflict: not just 
between himself and Esau, 
but between himself and 
Laban, between Rachel and 
Leah, and between his sons, 
Joseph and his brothers. It is 
as if the Torah were telling 
us that so long as there is a 
conflict within us, there will 
be a conflict around us. We 
have to resolve the tension in 
ourselves before we can do so 
for others. We have to be at 
peace with ourselves before 
we can be at peace with the 
world.
That is what happens in 
this week’s parshah. After 
his wrestling match with the 
stranger, Jacob undergoes 
a change of personality, a 
transformation. He gives 
back to Esau the blessing he 
took from him. The previous 
day he had given him back 
the material blessing by send-
ing him hundreds of goats, 
ewes, rams, camels, cows, 
bulls and donkeys. Now he 
gives him back the blessing 
that said, “Be lord over your 
brothers, and may the sons 
of your mother bow down 
to you.” (Gen. 27:29) Jacob 
bows down seven times to 

Esau. He calls Esau “my lord,” 
(Gen. 33:8) and refers to him-
self as “your servant,” (33:5) 
He actually uses the word 
“blessing,” though this fact 
is often obscured in trans-
lation. He says, “Please take 
my blessing that has been 
brought to you.” (33:11) The 
result is that the two brothers 
meet and part in peace.
People conflict. They have 
different interests, passions, 
desires, temperaments. Even 
if they did not, they would 
still conflict, as every par-
ent knows. Children — and 
not just children — seek 
attention, and one cannot 
attend to everyone equally 
all the time. Managing the 
conflicts that affect every 
human group is the work of 
the leader — and if the leader 
is not sure of and confident 
in their identity, the conflicts 
will persist. Even if the leader 
sees themself as a peace-
maker, the conflicts will still 
endure.
The only answer is to 
“know thyself.” We must 
wrestle with ourselves, as 
Jacob did on that fateful 
night, throwing off the per-
son we persistently compare 
ourselves to, accepting that 
some people will like us and 
what we stand for while oth-
ers will not, understanding 
that it is better to seek the 
respect of some than the 
popularity of all. This may 
involve a lifetime of strug-
gle, but the outcome is an 
immense strength.
No one is stronger than 
one who knows who and 
what they are. 

The late Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks 

served as the chief rabbi of the 

United Hebrew Congregations of the 

Commonwealth, 1991-2013. His teach-

ings have been made available to 

all at rabbisacks.org. This essay was 

written in 2020.