NOVEMBER 4 • 2021 | 37

blessing of the covenant to Esau. 
He intended to give each child the 
blessing that suited them. The entire 
deceit planned by Rebecca and carried 
out by Jacob was never necessary in 
the first place. Why did Rebecca not 
understand this? Because she and her 
husband did not communicate.
Now let us count the consequences. 
Isaac, old and blind, felt betrayed 
by Jacob. He “trembled violently” 
when he realized what had happened, 
saying to Esau, “Your brother came 
deceitfully.” Esau likewise felt betrayed 
and experienced such violent hatred 
toward Jacob that he vowed to kill 
him. Rebecca was forced to send Jacob 
into exile, thus depriving herself of 
the company of the son she loved for 
more than two decades. As for Jacob, 
the consequences of the deceit lasted a 
lifetime, resulting in strife between his 
wives and even between his children. 
“Few and evil have been the days of 
my life” (Gen. 47:9), he said to Pharaoh 
as an old man. 
So many lives scarred by one act 
which was not even necessary in the 
first place — Isaac did in fact give 
Jacob “the blessing of Abraham” 
without any deception, knowing him 
to be Jacob not Esau.

HONEST AND OPEN 
COMMUNICATION
Such is the human price we pay for 
a failure to communicate. The Torah 
is exceptionally candid about such 
matters, which is what makes it so 
powerful a guide to life: real life, 
among real people with real problems. 
Communication matters. In the 
beginning God created the natural 
world with words: “And God said: ‘Let 
there be.’” We create the social world 

with words. The Targum translated 
the phrase, “And man became 
a living soul,” (Genesis 2:7) as “And 
man became a speaking soul.” For us, 
speech is life. Life is relationships. 
And human relationships are built 
through communication. We can tell 
other people our hopes, our fears, our 
feelings and thoughts.
That is why any leader — from 
a parent to a CEO — must set as 
their task good, strong, honest, open 
communication. That is what makes 
families, teams and corporate cultures 
healthy. Everyone must know what 
their overall aims are as a team, 
what their specific roles are, what 
responsibilities they carry, and what 
values and behaviors they are expected 
to exemplify. 
There must be praise for those 
who do well, as well as constructive 
criticism when people do badly. 
Criticism must be of the act, not the 
person; the person must feel respected 
whatever their failures. This last 
feature is one of the fundamental 
differences between a “guilt morality” 
of which Judaism is the supreme 
example, and a “shame morality” like 
that of ancient Greece (namely, guilt 
makes a clear distinction between the 
act and the person, which shame does 
not).
There are times when much depends 
on clear communication. It is not too 
much to say that there are moments 
when the very fate of the world 
depends upon this.
One such instance happened during 
the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 when 
the United States and the Soviet Union 
were on the brink of nuclear war. At 
the height of the crisis, as described by 
Robert McNamara in his film, The Fog 

of War, John F. Kennedy received two 
messages from the Soviet leader Nikita 
Khrushchev. One was conciliatory, 
the other far more hawkish. Most of 
Kennedy’s advisers believed that the 
second represented Khrushchev’s real 
views and should be taken seriously.
However, one man offered a 
different perspective. Llewellyn 
Thompson Jr. had been American 
ambassador to the Soviet Union from 
1957 to 1962 and had come to know 
the Russian president well. He had 
even spent a period of time living 
with Khrushchev and his wife. He 
told Kennedy that the conciliatory 
message sounded like Khrushchev’s 
own personal view while the hawkish 
letter, which did not sound like him, 
had probably been written to appease 
the Russian generals. Kennedy listened 
to Thompson and gave Khrushchev 
an opportunity to back down without 
losing face — and the result being 
that a potentially devastating war was 
averted. It is terrifying to imagine what 
might have happened had Thompson 
not been there to establish which 
was and which was not the real act of 
communication.
So many aspects of our lives are 
impacted by misinformation and 
enhanced by genuine communication. 
This is why friends, parents, partners 
and leaders must establish a culture 
in which honest, open, respectful 
communication takes place, and that 
involves not just speaking but also 
listening. Without it, tragedy is waiting 
in the wings. 

The late Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks served 

as the chief rabbi of the United Hebrew 

Congregations of the Commonwealth, 1991-2013. 

His teachings have been made available to all at 

rabbisacks.org. This essay was written in 2014.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR TOLDOT
If God knew that Rebecca and Isaac did not communicate freely, why 
was the prophecy only given to Rebecca before the twins were born?
Can you think of other examples from the Torah when 
communication issues had consequences?
Is it ever better to hold back and communicate less?

