NOVEMBER 4 • 2021 | 37
blessing of the covenant to Esau.
He intended to give each child the
blessing that suited them. The entire
deceit planned by Rebecca and carried
out by Jacob was never necessary in
the first place. Why did Rebecca not
understand this? Because she and her
husband did not communicate.
Now let us count the consequences.
Isaac, old and blind, felt betrayed
by Jacob. He “trembled violently”
when he realized what had happened,
saying to Esau, “Your brother came
deceitfully.” Esau likewise felt betrayed
and experienced such violent hatred
toward Jacob that he vowed to kill
him. Rebecca was forced to send Jacob
into exile, thus depriving herself of
the company of the son she loved for
more than two decades. As for Jacob,
the consequences of the deceit lasted a
lifetime, resulting in strife between his
wives and even between his children.
“Few and evil have been the days of
my life” (Gen. 47:9), he said to Pharaoh
as an old man.
So many lives scarred by one act
which was not even necessary in the
first place — Isaac did in fact give
Jacob “the blessing of Abraham”
without any deception, knowing him
to be Jacob not Esau.
HONEST AND OPEN
COMMUNICATION
Such is the human price we pay for
a failure to communicate. The Torah
is exceptionally candid about such
matters, which is what makes it so
powerful a guide to life: real life,
among real people with real problems.
Communication matters. In the
beginning God created the natural
world with words: “And God said: ‘Let
there be.’” We create the social world
with words. The Targum translated
the phrase, “And man became
a living soul,” (Genesis 2:7) as “And
man became a speaking soul.” For us,
speech is life. Life is relationships.
And human relationships are built
through communication. We can tell
other people our hopes, our fears, our
feelings and thoughts.
That is why any leader — from
a parent to a CEO — must set as
their task good, strong, honest, open
communication. That is what makes
families, teams and corporate cultures
healthy. Everyone must know what
their overall aims are as a team,
what their specific roles are, what
responsibilities they carry, and what
values and behaviors they are expected
to exemplify.
There must be praise for those
who do well, as well as constructive
criticism when people do badly.
Criticism must be of the act, not the
person; the person must feel respected
whatever their failures. This last
feature is one of the fundamental
differences between a “guilt morality”
of which Judaism is the supreme
example, and a “shame morality” like
that of ancient Greece (namely, guilt
makes a clear distinction between the
act and the person, which shame does
not).
There are times when much depends
on clear communication. It is not too
much to say that there are moments
when the very fate of the world
depends upon this.
One such instance happened during
the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 when
the United States and the Soviet Union
were on the brink of nuclear war. At
the height of the crisis, as described by
Robert McNamara in his film, The Fog
of War, John F. Kennedy received two
messages from the Soviet leader Nikita
Khrushchev. One was conciliatory,
the other far more hawkish. Most of
Kennedy’s advisers believed that the
second represented Khrushchev’s real
views and should be taken seriously.
However, one man offered a
different perspective. Llewellyn
Thompson Jr. had been American
ambassador to the Soviet Union from
1957 to 1962 and had come to know
the Russian president well. He had
even spent a period of time living
with Khrushchev and his wife. He
told Kennedy that the conciliatory
message sounded like Khrushchev’s
own personal view while the hawkish
letter, which did not sound like him,
had probably been written to appease
the Russian generals. Kennedy listened
to Thompson and gave Khrushchev
an opportunity to back down without
losing face — and the result being
that a potentially devastating war was
averted. It is terrifying to imagine what
might have happened had Thompson
not been there to establish which
was and which was not the real act of
communication.
So many aspects of our lives are
impacted by misinformation and
enhanced by genuine communication.
This is why friends, parents, partners
and leaders must establish a culture
in which honest, open, respectful
communication takes place, and that
involves not just speaking but also
listening. Without it, tragedy is waiting
in the wings.
The late Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks served
as the chief rabbi of the United Hebrew
Congregations of the Commonwealth, 1991-2013.
His teachings have been made available to all at
rabbisacks.org. This essay was written in 2014.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR TOLDOT
If God knew that Rebecca and Isaac did not communicate freely, why
was the prophecy only given to Rebecca before the twins were born?
Can you think of other examples from the Torah when
communication issues had consequences?
Is it ever better to hold back and communicate less?