NOVEMBER 4 • 2021 | 35

A Need For 
Self Control
P

our into me now, some of 
that red stuff (HaAdom), 
for I am exhausted.
” He 
was therefore called Edom (red)” 
(Bereishit 25:30)
In this week’s par-
shah, Esau comes back 
from a hard day’s work, 
sees Jacob making a 
stew, demands some 
and agrees to sell his 
birthright to Jacob for 
it. He is therefore called 
Edom. 
The Midrash says 
that Esau returned 
home that day after 
committing five very 
serious sins (including 
murder and rape). Why 
does the Torah focus on the 
episode with the stew, a seem-
ingly trivial/minor event, to 
name him (Edom) after, rather 
than the more serious event of 
the sins he committed?
Perhaps here the Torah is 
telling the very inner core 
of Esau. His willingness to 
forgo his birthright so quickly 
shows how he was quick to 
throw logic out of the window 
and follow a more “instant 
gratification” route. It was this 
same desire, to fulfill his needs 
immediately, that led him to 
commit the other sins.
This is how the evil inclina-
tion works. When it arouses 
a desire in a person’s heart, it 
tries to remove the reins of 
self-control. It manages to get 
an individual to a state where 
he is no longer in control of 
himself; nothing more is need-
ed! Once a person reaches 
such a level, he is not able to 
think/act logically.
In the ’60s, impatient 
youth adopted the slogan, 

“We want the world, and we 
want it now!” Some people go 
through life “grabbing with 
gusto.
” They want instant grat-
ification and give little con-
sideration to decisions 
— major or minor. They 
feel that if they don’t 
“grab” they will miss 
out on one of life’s great 
opportunities. Impulse 
buying becomes a way of 
life not only for trinkets, 
gadgets and snacks but 
also for major life deci-
sions such as job offers, 
choice of schools, friends 
and even husband or 
wife.
The opposite of a 
“now” person is a “never” per-
son. Business deals, social and 
spiritual choices do require 
consideration, but they also 
cannot be put off forever. 
Insecurity leads to indecision. 
The “never” person loses out 
on all the right things out 
of the fear of making a bad 
choice once in a while.
This is why the Torah 
focuses on a mere lentil stew. 
It shows us the nature of 
Esau and the power of the 
following our instant gratifi-
cation desires. When we lose 
self-control and get caught up 
“in the moment,
” we are hand-
ing over our “remote control” 
to someone else. That’s why 
it’s important when we realize 
that we are losing control over 
ourselves, to never say or do 
anything. Just wait, and then 
make a decision with a clear 
head. 

Rabbi Ari Kostelitz is a rabbi at 

Congregation Dovid Ben Nuchim in 

Oak Park.

Rabbi Ari 
Kostelitz

Parshat 

Toldot: 

Genesis 

25:19-28:9; 

Malachi 

1:1-2:7.

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