4 | OCTOBER 14 • 2021
for openers
I’m Drowning in Sportsbook Ads!
I
t was going to take a lot
to supplant my No. 1
pet peeve on radio and
television, but its finally
happened. For years, that title
has been held
by prescription
drug companies
and their
insanely long list
of potential side
effects warnings
tagged at the
end of their
commercials.
Many disclaimers range
between 35-45 seconds —
equal to or longer than the
time spent talking about the
good virtues of a drug.
“Take this pill,” we are told,
to ease your suffering from
constipation, irritable bowel,
migraine headaches, elevated
blood sugar and arthritis,
just to name a few, but … be
forewarned!
Despite treating your latest
medical malady, taking this
pill might make you dizzy,
nauseous, have vivid dreams,
give you a dry mouth, muscle
pain, a rash, hives, experience
weight gain, make you put
your right foot in, make you
put your right foot out, shake
it all about, do the hokey
pokey and turn yourself
around and, worst of all, you
may get the uncontrollable
urge to watch a Lions game.
All of that followed by the
announcer who has the gall
to say: “
Ask your doctor if it’s
right for you.”
By the time they’ve
exhausted the list of
symptoms, I actually start
experiencing them. For that
same reason, I never read
the list of side effects on a
prescription medicine I pick
up at the drug store. That’s
a real no-no when you’re a
card-carrying hypochondriac
like me.
So, what’s currently showing
up on radio and television
that is so annoying to me that
it makes me actually yearn
for more prescription drug
commercials? It’s the never-
ending advertising pitches
for online sports betting,
or as they are commonly
called — sportsbooks. You
… can’t … get … a …way
… from … them! According
to my internet search, there
appears to be 14 legal online
sportsbooks in Michigan to
choose from.
Do you recall the episode of
Seinfeld where Kramer would
literally go into a seizure every
time he heard entertainment
reporter Mary Hart’s voice on
television? I’m approaching
that level of adverse reaction
every time I hear an online
sportsbook promotion.
The fact is: Sports betting
promotions have taken over
every media platform. I see
them constantly popping up
ad nauseam while scrolling
through Facebook. So much
so that I find myself yearning
for more Facebook posts
about other people’s vacations.
In researching this betting
phenomenon, I learned that
sportsbooks are a lot more
than just wagering on the
final score of a sporting event.
You can indulge in “in-game
betting.” During a football
game you can bet on the
outcome of the next play. Will
it be a completed pass, an
incomplete pass or a turnover?
For hockey, you can place a
bet during a game on which
player will score the next
goal. In basketball, you can
place a bet on how many
three-pointers will be scored
in a quarter. I wouldn’t be
surprised if one day you’ll be
able wager on which baseball
player spits out the most
sunflower seeds in an inning.
If it’s available, I’m hoping
I can bet the “over” on the
over/under on how many
fans will leave at halftime of
this weekend’s Lions home
game against the Cincinnati
Bengals. Care to make a wager
on whether I come up with
a third Lions joke in this
column?
I believe repetitive sports
book messaging is creating
a conditioned response in
humans, much like Russian
physiologist Pavlov did when
he got dogs to salivate every
time they heard a bell. Hear
a sportsbook commercial
enough, we will eventually
feel compelled to immediately
grab our smart phones
(salivate if you want) and
place a bet upon hearing it.
Actually, I do salivate when I
hear my doorbell ring. That
means my pizza has arrived.
I have a suggestion, leave
the wagering on sportsbooks
to others and spend time
reading sports books that have
a better payoff — like reading
any one of 10 books by local
writer Irwin Cohen. Fabulous
reads by Irwin include stories
about Tiger Stadium and
Jewish Detroit history which
can be found at Borenstein’s
Books in Oak Park and on
Amazon.
Until next time, I bet you
adieu. Bid you adieu, sorry.
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/
acting talent, speaker and emcee.
Visit his website at laughwithbigal.com,
“Like” Al on Facebook and reach him
at amuskovitz@thejewishnews.com.
Alan
Muskovitz
Contributing
Writer
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