MARCH 4 • 2021 | 17

F

or nearly four years, Birmingham-
based artist and graphic designer 
Sarey Ruden has been transforming 
unsolicited messages from men on dating 
apps into thought-provoking artwork. By 
doing so, she aims to shine a light and drive 
conversation about the many issues women 
face in online dating.
As the creator and owner of Sareytales: 
The Art of Online Dating, Ruden has built a 
community equally passionate about solv-
ing these problems. Women, she says, often 
receive messages on dating apps they don’t 

want that are threatening in nature or make 
them feel uncomfortable. 
Through her Instagram page, which 
has more than 13,000 followers, she shares 
messages from men that she has personally 
received and the stories of other women to 
bring attention to this growing problem. 
These messages, she explains, can be misog-
ynistic, creepy and sometimes even violent.
Ruden, now 40, has experimented with 
online dating for nearly a decade and says 
the problems are only growing. The pan-
demic, she says, makes online dating that 

much more challenging and dangerous 
for women due to isolation and growing 
dependency on dating apps.
To take these important conversations 
one step further, Ruden launched a new 
podcast series called Once Upon a Feminist. 
The seven-episode series was released in 
its entirety and features in-depth discus-
sions with dating experts and more to help 
answer the question of why some men 
behave this way in dating apps.
Exploring the intersection of feminism 
and online dating, Once Upon a Feminist
covers topics such as the impact of the 
#MeToo movement on dating and data that 
has been collected through dating apps, 
such as common misogynistic phrases that 
men tend to use.
“I’m not a scholar; I’m an artist,
” Ruden 
said. “It happened to be that my artwork 
inspired this feminist side in myself I didn’t 
know I had. I wanted to seek out expert 
advice on these topics.
”
Podcast guests include public radio and 
TV host Celeste Headlee, sex and relation-
ship researcher Dr. Kristen Mark of the 
University of Minnesota, and male dating 
coach Tripp Kramer. Some conversations, 
Ruden said, were difficult to have, but she 
considers them to be productive in nature. 
Each 45-minute episode is less of an inter-
view and more of a natural conversation 
that shares different viewpoints and theories 
about online dating.
She believes her audience will be a mix of 
individuals in relationships and those who 
currently use online dating.
“It might be comforting to hear some of 
these topics versus love stories,
” Ruden said. 
Her Instagram followers, she added, were 
instantly drawn to the idea of a podcast 
because of the variety of areas it will cover, 
including communication tactics, technolo-
gy and social media.
Depending on demand, she says she’ll 
consider the idea of doing a second season. 
“I have mixed feelings,
” Ruden, who attends 
Temple Israel, said. “It’s a well-produced 
project, and I’m super proud of it. I would 
love to do another [season] if it’s well 
received. That would be a dream.
”
Season one of Once Upon a Feminist can 
be found on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and 
other podcast platforms. “We’re led to 
believe all these different fairy tales about 
love and romance,
” Ruden says of both the 
podcast and Sareytales. “It’s kind of a twist 
on that.
” 

Podcast 
examines 
indignities 
women receive 
from men on 
dating apps.

ASHLEY ZLATOPOLSKY CONTRIBUTING WRITER
Creepy

Crude
and

Sarey Ruden

