by horn-honking, mazel-tov chanting, 
balloon-filled celebration with music, 
individual-family dancing and party 
favors for New Jersey friends who 
arrived in front of Zevi’s home in 
timeslots dictated alphabetically.
On Wednesday, when my tempo-
rarily “lost in transit” fancy, lace face 
mask was delivered, I was relieved it 
had arrived in time to be packed with 
its matching outfit. 
But stories of rest stops and hotels in 
states along the way without enforced 
mask and social distancing guidelines 
mounted our concerns. We hadn’t 
even been inside a store or within 6 
feet of our Michigan children or my 
nearby parents in almost four months. 
How could we take a chance on trav-
el, being with strangers and possible 
crowds?
So, Thursday evening, we were still 
at home when we received a video 
of Zevi taken that morning at one 
of the many daily pop-up minyans 
that appeared in our kids’ neighbor-
hood when small outdoor gatherings 
became permissible. We listened and 
watched as he read Torah for the first 
time, dressed in his COVID uniform 
of sweats, a T-shirt and blue Crocs but 
with the addition of his set of brand-
new leather tefillin. 

UNEXPECTEDLY TOGETHER
As Shabbat got closer, Zevi was stoic 
and understanding of the necessary changes 
and omissions in his celebration, and truly 
excited to be commemorating this milestone 
with friends. But there was still a sadness 
in knowing that none of the family — all of 
whom live in other cities — would be able to 
travel. 
So, when our other daughter and her 
four children arrived in a squealing surprise 
Thursday night, following a 10-hour, prac-
tically nonstop drive from West Bloomfield, 
the weekend had new life and was off to a 
giggling, family-filled, staggeringly loud bang.
Watching the iPhone-recorded reunion, 
knowing how much fun they were having 
together and what it meant to our New Jersey 
kids gave us incredible solace. 
Friday they all joined for self-described 
hysterical laughter and family photos, taken 
in a secluded section of a massive, forest-like 
park, with proofs immediately air-dropped to 
us. The two families then decorated the yards 

where the next day’s service and kiddush 
would be held. Later they shared Shabbat din-
ner in our daughter and son-in-law’s home, 
after which the Michigan guests socially dis-
tanced themselves to basement bedrooms. 
Early Saturday morning, under a series of 
tent-like blue canopies, face-masked, local 
friends — along with Aunt Kim and cousins, 
16-year-old Shira, 14-year-old Ari, 11-year-
old Jake and 8-year-old Eitan from Michigan 
— came to hear Zevi as he read the entire 
weekly Torah portion. 
In a modification of traditional aliyahs, 
those called upon accepted the honor from a 
distance, with only Zevi touching the Torah, 
on loan from a nearby synagogue.
The small congregation scattered through-
out two adjoining yards behind the homes of 
our children’s gracious neighbors. 
The peaceful summer morning’s 
unstreamed Orthodox service was highlight-
ed by the conflicting ambience of a young 

man’s Torah reading and the sounds 
of a light rain, a lawn mower, a heli-
copter and a car alarm.
During the lay-led service, perched 
on a chair to allow for a better view, 
Zevi’s mom looked at her sister, 
laughed and said, “Yep, this is what I 
pictured today would be like 13 years 
ago.
”
Following the Torah reading, Zevi 
fielded the tossed, small, decorative 
tulle bags I stuffed with soft candy and 
placed in Kim’s trunk for the occa-
sion, as my small, personal inclusion 
in the day. A post-service celebration 
then took place in a shaded area of 
our children’s yard, in shifts, based on 
varied invitation times, with guests 
enjoying individually plated foods, 
each packaged with their own mini 
plasticware. 
Just like the days following a tradi-
tional bar mitzvah celebration, ours 
are filled with memories, stories, 
videos, photos and sweet party favors. 
They bring way more tears of happi-
ness than those of sadness and feel-
ings of what we missed.
Being embraced in the plan-
ning and its various revisions kept 
us engaged in the treasured time 
throughout the recent, sometimes 
anxious months. 
Along the way, nothing was “nor-
mal.
” The unexpected was expected, 
but the traditional elements ensued 
in ways that were modified for the times and 
created unequivocally for Zevi. His party may 
have been on the sidewalk and street in front 
of his house and his out-of-town family may 
have cheered him on from tiny computer 
squares. His blue suit and complementing 
textured tie may have come in the mail and 
his bar mitzvah haircut may have taken place 
in his backyard. But, for this insightful, sen-
sitive, NASCAR-, football- and baseball-ob-
sessed, LEGO- and drawing-enthusiast, it will 
all go down in the books as the unforgettable, 
bright star we wished for.
We may not have celebrated with Zevi in 
person, but that doesn’t lessen the excitement 
and pride we felt for him. And instead of 
focusing on the fact that we were not with 
him, we like to think maybe we were just 
the most distant of his socially distanced bar 
mitzvah guests and that somewhere between 
the virtual and the vicarious, and in our 
hearts, we actually were. 

PHOTO BY ESTYBPHOTOGRAPHY

Stephanie and Avi 
Beneson with chil-
dren, Akiva, Zevi, 
Rachel and Elisheva.

Zevi’s Zoom

 DECEMBER 31 • 2020 | 21

