B

etween boredom from 
spending so much 
time at home and fear 
of getting COVID-19, I, like 
many Americans, have taken to 
excessive online ordering. Not 
socializing with 
anyone except 
my husband, 
not being able 
to see my family 
or friends, not 
eating in restau-
rants or shop-
ping in stores, 
I have resorted 
to COVID compulsive online 
buying. (Could this be a new 
syndrome?!) 
While some of my purchases 
have been practical, some are 
things I never would have con-
sidered paying for in the past. 
Last week, I ordered an electric 
vegetable steamer. It arrived 
with multiple parts — not only 

will I never be able to assemble 
or use it, I hate steamed vegeta-
bles! It seems I am not the only 
one with a houseload of outra-
geous, impractical items getting 
delivered to the door. Here 
is what seven Michiganders 
impulsively bought during 
COVID: 
Judy Federbush, psychol-
ogist, Ann Arbor: Indoor 
humidity monitor. “It sounded 
essential, but I can’t find any use 
for it. What will I do with the 
information? I haven’t looked at 
it since I took it out of the box a 
month ago!”
Karen Lindenberg, 
retired professor, Ann Arbor: 
Electronic egg cooker that 
poaches eggs in triangular 
shapes “Do I need it? No. Can 
I boil an egg by myself? Of 
course. When I begin entertain-
ing again for brunch, will my 
guests request triangular eggs? 

Highly doubtful!” 
Emilie (EJ) Martin Palef, 
who lives in New York City but 
is from Detroit: A riding coat. 
“I bought a riding coat from 
Portugal. I had been eyeing it 
online and when it went on sale, 
I could not resist. Thankfully, it 
didn’t fit because a riding coat 
without a horse doesn’t work. 
Had the coat fit, my next step 
would have been looking online 
for a horse!”
Lizzie Kompus, student 
at Michigan State University, 
Beverly Hills, Mich.: Adult 
coloring books. “My room-
mates and I all bought coloring 
books, Crayola markers and 
colored pencils. It was a spur of 
the moment purchase during 

lockdown. We only used them 
once and never picked them 
up again — and I am not even 
sure where I put mine!”
John Shultz, photographer, 
Ann Arbor: Swimming hand 
fins. “They looked really 
glamourous in the photo. 
They slip over your hands like 
an amphibious, webbed hand. 
Unfortunately, they were rath-
er useless in the water — $20 
out the window!”
Linda Bennett, art museum 
docent, Ann Arbor: Inverted 
umbrella/cape to catch hair 
during a haircut. “I thought it 
would be a clever way to keep 
my hair from falling every-
where during a home haircut. 
Not only didn’t it fit around me, 
but it also didn’t fit around my 
5-year-old grandson. It might 
have been better turned around 
used as an umbrella!”
Fran Becket-Shell, busi-
ness owner, Royal Oak: Weird 
humorous T-shirts. “I found 
a website that sells unusual 
T-shirts with sayings. Normally, 
I would not have bought any, 
but I wound up buying a bunch 
for myself and my family. The 
one for my husband reads, 
‘Being a trophy husband is 
exhausting.
’ Don’t know when 
or if we will be wearing them in 
public!” 

8 | DECEMBER 24 • 2020 

for openers
The Confessions of a 
Lockdowned Shopper

Alice Burdick 
Schweiger
Contributing 
Writer

VIEWS

continued on page 11

Impulsive purchases produce only 
buyer’s remorse during COVID.

Alice’s 
vegetable 
steamer

ALICE BURDICK SCHWEIGER

essay
Moving from Darkness to Light 
A Chanukah miracle, 2020-style.
W

hen the pandemic 
began, a very close 
friend of mine 
suggested I keep a COVID-
19 journal 
to reflect my 
feelings, fears 
and numerous 
concerns as 
to how, as the 
leader of Yad 
Ezra kosher 

food pantry, I was going to 
navigate through these dark 
and unprecedented times. 
 On March 11, I wrote: “We 
have to rethink everything! How 
are we going to serve our client 
families who depend on us? How 
will we stay safe? If one of us 
gets sick, our client families go 
without food — that is not an 
option. We have to completely 
pivot from the status quo.
” 

On March 12: “We decided 
to change procedures and not 
allow clients to enter the building. 
We were going use the parking lot 
for curbside pick-up. We worked 
through traffic flow with police 
department and figured out how 
to organize the warehouse with a 
small corps of volunteers and staff 
to implement. Got notification 
out to board, clients, website, and 
volunteers of the new procedure.
” 

Gov. Whitmer’s stay-
at-home mandate further 
crystallized the fact that 
for our clients to continue 
receiving groceries, we, as 
essential workers, had to 
do whatever it would take 
to keep us operating, even 
if it meant long and nerve-
wracking days, not going 
anywhere except home and 
work, and relying on each 

Lea Luger