8 | DECEMBER 3 • 2020 

for openers
A Royal Encounter
I

t’s official! The recounts are done, and 
it can now be certified that Dewey did
defeat Truman! No word yet from the 
Dewey Campaign, but his brothers Huey 
and Louie are said to be ecstatic.
According to the Center 
for Responsive Politics — 
wait, really? There’s a center 
for “responsive” politics? Yes, 
there is, and according to 
their statistics, the combined 
spending for 2020 campaigns 
for the White House and 
congressional races will reach 
$14 billion.
So, for the sake of argument, let’s say 
that means roughly $7 billion was spent on 
losing. Amazing, but probably still less than 
the Lions have spent on losing since their 
last championship in 1957.
So that means $7 billion was spent on 
candidates that won’t even have a chance to 
get anything done. And I’m talking about 
the politicians who won.
As the mayhem that was this last elec-
tion continues, I’m just happy I have a new 
diversion — watching Season 4 of the The 
Crown on Netflix! 
Spoiler alert. This season spends a fair 
amount of time on the huge security breach 
at Buckingham Palace in 1982, where Brit 
citizen Michael Fagan scaled the palace 
walls and snuck into the Queen’s bedroom 
as she slept. Could’ve been worse — she 
could’ve been on the throne. (Easy, cheap 
laugh.) Fagan said the Queen was sleep-
ing with her crown over her face. But that 
turned out to be her jeweled CPAP mask.
After years of being in and out of trou-

ble with the law, Fagan, 72, still resides in 
London where, apparently, he’s survived a 
heart attack and a case of COVID. In our 
world of endless reality TV shows, wouldn’t 
you love to see a reunion between Fagan 
and the 94-year old Elizabeth on The Real 
Housewife/Queen of England?
How is it that I’m such an expert on all 
things royal? Well, my dear commoners, I 
actually had a very memorable encounter 
with a royal myself. Yep, thanks to Weight 
Watchers (WW) president and CEO 
Florine Mark, I got to meet and interview 
the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, 
divorced wife of Prince Andrew. 
You may recall that “Fergie” was a 
spokesperson for Weight Watchers. In that 
capacity, she paid a visit to Florine’s WW 
headquarters in Farmington Hills in the late 
’90s. I was an invited guest from the Dick 
Purtan Show, charged with conducting an 
interview between the Duchess, myself and 
Dick Purtan, 
 who was on the phone live 
from our WOMC studios.
At first, I was suspicious of Florine’s 
motives. I thought it was a set up for a 
weight loss intervention for me. What 
ensued though was a fun, tongue-in-cheek 
exchange.
I told the Duchess that “I had a slight 
metabolic problem, a glandular problem” 
and had been told that “it’s impossible for 
me to lose weight.
” I asked if there was 
something she could do to help somebody 
like me? Fergie replied: “Yes. Take them by 
the ear and put them into Weight Watchers 
and say, ‘Come on, this really can help.
’” I 
informed her I had actually lost a little bit 
of weight recently, enough that: “I no longer 

have to stop at those truck weigh stations 
on the expressway.
”
I went on to tell her that “I avoid exer-
cise because it tires me out,
” to which she 
chuckled and said: “Well you know that’s 
pretty funny because, in fact, my trainer 
says that the more you exercise, the more it 
gets you going. So maybe, Al, that’s a bit of 
a porkie pie.
”
Porkie pie? Was that on the WW menu? 
Turns out “porkie pie” is cockney slang for 
“telling lies.
”
Part of Fergie’s Motown itinerary includ-
ed recognizing local people who had lost 
100 pounds on WW
. Already 50 pounds 
overweight myself, she didn’t go for my idea 
of putting on another 50 so I could one day 
join that elite group of 100-pound losers. 
My guess at that point was Fergie didn’t 
need any convincing that I was already a 
“loser.
”
Today, I think of Fergie every time I jump 
on my scale. I wait for the number … and 
then demand a recount. 

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent, 

speaker, and emcee. Visit his website at laughwith-

bigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook and reach him at 

amuskovitz@renmedia.us.

Alan 

Muskovitz

letters Rabbi Sacks

We are longtime subscribers to the 
Detroit Jewish News, continuing even 
after our departure and move from 
Bloomfield Hills to Palm Beach in 
1970. We recently read the excellent 
article in the Nov. 12 DJN on Lord 
Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks 
, “
An 
Intellectual Giant.
”

We were honored to meet and 
spend time with Rabbi Sacks here 
in Palm Beach. He was the featured 
guest and speaker at our Palm Beach 
Fellowship of Christians and Jews 
Annual Dinner held at The Breakers. 
The next day, as board members, we 
hosted and had the honor of sitting 
with Rabbi Sacks at a luncheon in his 
honor.

 He was so personable and inter-
esting. We left the luncheon thinking 
how memorable our time at the 
dinner and luncheon had been with 
Rabbi Sacks.
We were reminded reading the JN 
article of what an astounding and 
phenomenal man Rabbi Sacks truly 
was. We should all be so proud of 
him. He will be greatly missed.

— Michael and Ann Small

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Fergie and Alan

