32 | NOVEMBER 19 • 2020 

SPIRIT

First Families 
S

ince I spend part of 
each day working as 
a child psychologist, I 
find the Book of Bereshit, with 
its emphasis on family interac-
tions, particularly interesting.
I often look at this 
first book of the Torah 
as a compilation of 
case studies on par-
ent-child relationships. 
Often, the interactions 
between the fami-
ly members in this 
volume appear to be 
examples of dysfunc-
tional relationships. 
However, we should be 
able to learn as much 
from our mistakes as 
we do from our suc-
cesses. What are some 
of the lessons and principles 
that we can derive from the 
patriarchal stories of Toldot?
• Just because two children 
have the same mother and 
father in the same household 
does not mean they will 
behave in similar ways. Esau 
and Jacob were fraternal twin 
brothers raised by the same 
parents at the same time. 
• But Esau was impulsive. 
He had a short attention span 
and he required that his needs 
be met immediately. While 
Jacob could stay in the tent, 
Esau had to be on the move 
in the field. Classic Attention 
Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
• Consistent parenting 
is important. It is vital that 
mothers and fathers com-
municate their child-rearing 
intentions. It is important they 
1) use similar child-rearing 
techniques and 2) treat each 
child similarly to the extent 
possible and 3) that they 
support each other. Rebecca 

preferred Jacob, and Isaac 
preferred Esau. Their different 
approaches to their children 
led to extreme problems.
• Sibling rivalry is normal 
but can be carried to extremes 
when children vie for 
the love and attention of 
their parents. Jacob and 
Esau fought with each 
other from infancy. Jacob 
later tricked Esau out of 
the birthright. Later, he 
tricked Esau out of his 
father’
s blessing to gain 
his mother’
s favor.
• Children learn how 
to behave by observing 
the behavior of import-
ant others. Rebecca’
s 
brother Laban was a 
trickster. Rebecca later 
encouraged Jacob to trick his 
father by dressing up as Esau. 
Finally, Jacob married into 
Rebecca’
s trickster family and 
was eventually tricked and lied 
to by his own children.
• Communication is essen-
tial. Here, however, no more 
than two family members are 
“on stage” at the same time. 
• Childhood trauma can be 
intense, but healing is possible. 
Esau was so angry with Jacob 
he threatened to kill him. But 
years later, the now successful 
men were able to reconcile.
Bereshit continues to be one 
of the most read books of the 
Bible. Perhaps that is because 
its characters, our ancestors, 
had to struggle and deal with 
many of the same family-relat-
ed issues that continue to face 
us today. May their lives and 
stories continue to show us the 
paths to be taken. 

Rabbi Mitch Parker is the rabbi 

at B’nai Israel Synagogue in West 

Bloomfield.

TORAH PORTION

Rabbi Mitch 

Parker

Parshat 

Toldot: 

Genesis 

25:19-28:9; 

Malachi 

1:1-2:7.

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Th
 anksgiving is a time to remember the special 
people in our lives. It is a time for caring. Most 
of all, it is a time of giving thanks for the many 
blessings and joys of life. Th
 is year has been 
devastating for many people, but we need to 
focus on the positive. Our family has a special 
saying, “Tiriamo Avanti,” which means to 
always stay strong and move forward.

We would like to take this opportunity to give 
thanks to everyone that has broken bread with 
us and supported us throughout this diffi
 cult 
year. We look forward to serving you for years 
to come.

May God Bless Us All,

Antonio Rugiero
CEO. President. Antonio’
s and Roman Village

Fr
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