 OCTOBER 1 • 2020 | 31

Jerusalem – 
G

rowing up in Southfield, 
Ruth Ebenstein always 
felt energized by the 
ethnic and religious diversity that 
characterizes Metro Detroit life.
So when Ebenstein, who 
moved to Israel in 1990, was 
diagnosed with breast cancer 10 
years ago, it felt natural for her 
to join a Jerusalem breast cancer 
support group for Jewish and 
Palestinian women. 
“When I found out about this 
breast cancer support group, I 
thought it would be a great way 
to forge a connection,
” Ebenstein 
said. “Breast cancer is a huge 
thing to have in common.
” 
In addition to seeking the 
support group’
s advice and reas-
surance, Ebenstein was hoping to 
find friendship. 
“I was looking for someone 
going through the same experi-
ence to connect with. I felt lonely 
on this journey.
” 
The woman she connected 
with — to the point of feeling 
like sisters — is Ibtisam Erekat, 
a Palestinian breast cancer sur-
vivor who lives in Abu Dis, a 

Palestinian village on the other 
side of Israel’
s soaring security 
barrier that separates the West 
Bank from Jerusalem. 
As the political impasse and 
mistrust between Israelis and 
Palestinians has grown, so has 
their devotion to each other. 
Erekat, a devout Muslim, and 
Ebenstein, a Modern Orthodox 
Jew, have much more than breast 
cancer survival in common. 
Both were in their 30s when 
they married divorced men with 
children, and both gave birth to 
three children within three years. 
And they both believe that love 
can overcome hate.
“Ibtisam is so comfortable with 
herself, something we have in 
common,
” Ebenstein said. “She’
s 
strong-willed in the best sense; 
she has her own opinions. She’
s 
warm, has a wonderful sense of 
humor and incredible faith.
” 
Soon, they began meeting out-
side the confines of the support 
group, woman-to-woman, and, 
later, family-to-family. 
Their common language is 
English. 
“We talk about everything,
” 

Ebenstein said. When they talk 
about the “hard stuff” — terror 
attacks, wars — they discuss how 
these events relate to their per-
sonal lives. 
During the 2014 Israel-Gaza 
war, for example, the friends 
leaned on each other for 
emotional support as Hamas 
launched thousands of mortars 
and rockets into Israel, and the 
IDF retaliated, decimating parts 
of Gaza. 
On a day-to-day level, “if I 
hear of something that happened 
in Abu Dis, I’
ll check in and 
see if she’
s OK,
” Ebenstein said. 
“Ibtisam does the same for me.
” 

WIDENING HORIZONS
Erekat initially joined a 
Palestinian support group, and 
then joined the Jewish Israeli-
Palestinian group through the 
Patient’
s Friends Association at 
Augusta Victoria Hospital in 
eastern Jerusalem. 
“It was a beautiful experience 
where we got to know a group 
of Israeli and Arab women,
” she 
said. 
She was struck by Ebenstein’
s 
warmth and desire to help 
Palestinian group members. 
“She treated me with great 
respect and helped me in several 
situations,
” Erekat said. The more 
time they spent together, the 
more their friendship blossomed. 
 
“I got to know her family, her 
father, mother, sister and two 
brothers, and also her husband 
Yonatan. He is a very fun person 
and respects me, and I appreciate 
this about him. I respect them, 
and love them all,
” Erekat said. 
Eventually, the friendship 
evolved into speaking engage-
ments in the U.S. and Israel. 
Erekat and Ebenstein addressed 
groups, large and small, about 
their unique relationship and 
the fact that individual Israelis 
and Palestinians have the power 
to overcome ingrained hatred 
by seeing each other as people. 
They’
ve started giving talks over 
Zoom to groups near and far.

“We’
re individuals,
” Ebenstein 
said. “She’
s not Palestine. I’
m not 
Israel. She’
s Ibtisam; I’
m Ruth.
”
Along the way, Ebenstein has 
learned about Palestinian culture 
— and suffering. 
“Getting close to someone 
across the divide has taught me 
how much we don’
t know about 
the ‘
other.
’
 Getting close to some-
one makes you see how little you 
know. It really hammers it home.
”

OVERCOMING SEPARATION
Erekat, who has asthma, lives 
close to the Separation Barrier. 
Sometimes there are skirmishes 
between Palestinians and Israeli 
military or border police, and the 
tear gas wafts into her home. 
“She can be vomiting for 
hours from the tear gas, but if 
you don’
t know anyone affected, 
you wouldn’
t know that this 
is happening,
” Ebenstein said. 
“You don’
t realize an innocent 
person sitting on her couch will 
be sick for hours, or that many 
Palestinians who are sick can’
t 
get an entry permit into Israel for 
much-needed medical treatment.
“
As a cancer survivor the 
thought of not being able to get 
treatment is frightening,
” both 
for herself and Erekat, Ebenstein 
said.
“We are an occupied people,
” 
Erekat said. “
At first, when I got 
to know Ruti, I could not visit 
her at her home except with a 
permit from the Israeli govern-
ment. Then the laws changed, 
and I was allowed in without 
a permit because I’
m over 50 
years old. Now such a visit is 
forbidden, possibly related to the 
Coronavirus pandemic.
” 
For the vast majority of 
Israelis, Palestinians are “arbitrary 
concepts,
” Ebenstein said. Having 
a dear friend who is Palestinian 
“changed so much for me.
” 
Erekat feels the same way.
“We have our own bodies but 
share one soul. We feel each oth-
er’
s pain and help each other in 
many matters. Ruti is my sister 
and best friend,
” Erekat said. 

Bosom Buddies

Israeli and Palestinian breast cancer 
survivors forge a unique alliance. 

Eretz

MICHELE CHABIN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Ruth Ebenstein and Ibtisam Erekat

