 AUGUST 6 • 2020 | 5

B

aseball is back! Actually, 
37% of baseball is back. 
The delayed start of the 
season has forced major league 
baseball (MLB) to concoct an 
abbreviated schedule reduced 
from the standard 
162 games to 60. 
Baseball has been 
making efforts 
to speed up our 
national pastime, 
but who could have 
predicted a pan-
demic would speed 
up a season? 
As I’
m writing this column 
on July 26, our beloved ball club 
is arguably the league’
s biggest 
surprise. Fasten your seat belts: 
After three games we are 2-1, tied 
for first place in the American 
League Central division! At this 
time last year the Tigers were 
32½ games behind the Minnesota 

Twins. Gardenhire for manager 
of the year? Just sayin’
.
In this asterisk of a season, 
the Tigers will not be playing 
Yankees, Red Sox or Orioles, oh 
my! As a matter of fact, to reduce 
exposure to COVID-19, they 
won’
t be traveling or playing any 
American League team outside 
their own division. By the end 
of the season, you could be a 
Minnesota fan. Ten of Detroit’
s 
last 27 games alone are against 
the Twins. 
For this abbreviated season, 
MLB has increased the number 
of eligible playoff teams from 
10 to 16 of the combined 30 
American and National League 
teams. They want to make as 
many clubs as possible feel like 
winners. Sort of like when players 
on your kid’
s 0-10 soccer team 
get a participation trophy at the 
end of the season. Rumor has it 

that major league baseball players’
 
moms will be handing out orange 
slices to their sons during the sev-
enth inning stretch.
Flicking through TV channels 
last week, I caught a ball game 
where the home team had put 
life-sized cut-outs of fans in the 
stadium. It was surreal. The com-
mentator made a great observa-
tion when a foul ball was hit into 
the stands. He likened it to being 
at a fair. Knock down a cutout 
cardboard fan with a ball, win a 
prize!
Then I discovered that Fox 
Sports is inserting virtual fans 
and sound effects into their tele-
casts using what’
s called Pixatope 
software. The first thought I had 
was, wouldn’
t it be great if, during 
a lopsided score in a game, virtual 
fans would leave? Apparently yes! 
Fox Sports production and oper-
ation chief Brad Ziegler recently 
told Variety magazine: “If it’
s 
an 8-1 game, the crowd can be 
thinned out.
”
I have some additional sugges-
tions:
Send a strong message by 
showing virtual fans sitting 
socially distanced in the stands 
and all wearing masks.
Make the games even more 
true to life by showing an obnox-
ious screaming virtual fan getting 
into an argument with an usher 
for not wearing one.

Give the virtual fans a well-
deserved break by allowing them 
to buy a hot dog, popcorn and 
pop for under $100.
Just for laughs, allow the 
Houston Astros to use virtual 
fans to steal signs.
I’
m not suggesting this, but 
I’
m betting it won’
t take long 
for some tech-savvy fan to hack 
into a game and create a virtual 
streaker running across the field.
Finally, in the great movie A
League of their Own, Tom Hanks, 
as manager, indignantly tells one 
of his female ballplayers that 
“
there’
s no crying in baseball.
” 
Can you imagine his indignation 
if he were told there’
s no spitting
in baseball?
MLB has banned spitting over 
concerns for coronavirus spread, 
which begs the question, will 
the sunflower seed industry be 
eligible for a government stim-
ulus check? By the way, crotch 
grabbing when stepping into the 
batter’
s box is still legal.
This just in … MLB has agreed 
to allow telecasts to insert virtual 
sunflower seed spitting. Oh well, 
spitting is saliva and well. Play 
ball! 

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/
acting talent, speaker and emcee. Visit 
his website at laughwithbigal.com.
Like Al on Facebook and reach him at 
amuskovitz@renmedia.us.

Views

Abortion and
Jewish Values
Amy Cutler’
s column titled “The 
Fight For Reproductive Freedom” 
(July 23, pg. 8) was extremely dis-
appointing. I was upset to see the 
way she twisted Judaism to fit her 
own views. She claims, “Jewish 
tradition views abortion as essen-
tial healthcare not only permitted 
but, in some cases, required 
when a life is at risk.
” Abortion is 
only permitted, and at that point 

required, when the mother’
s life 
is in danger. (Note: this can also 
mean mentally, but an Orthodox 
rabbi must be consulted.) The 
fetus is viewed as a human being, 
according to Judaism. Therefore, 
if the fetus is endangering the 
mother, it has the status of 
“
rodef” — one who is pursuing 
another with the intent of killing 
them.
It is one thing to support abor-
tion and pro-choice; it is another 

thing to twist Judaism to align 
with your own agenda. I am sure 
this was meant out of sincere, 
but misplaced, determination for 
your cause. Next time, however, I 
request that if you quote “Jewish 
tradition” like that, you at least 
know the truth of the source.
In addition, Cutler says that 
the NCJW is introducing an 
“
Abortion and Jewish Values 
Toolkit”
. Please do not confuse 
Orthodox Judaism with Reform 

Judaism, of which much of the 
latter’
s value system is the antith-
esis of Orthodox Judaism. Jewish 
values do not include abortion.

— Ina Meyers

Gabi Grossbard
I don’
t live in Gabi Grossbard’
s 
district, but if I did, he would 
have lost me at the second sen-
tence of the interview (July 16, 
pg. 22). He repeats the false 
narrative that both parties are 

continued on page 6

letters

Al Muskovitz 

PIXABAY

for openers
Play Pandemic 
Ball!

