AUGUST 6 • 2020 | 5
B
aseball is back! Actually,
37% of baseball is back.
The delayed start of the
season has forced major league
baseball (MLB) to concoct an
abbreviated schedule reduced
from the standard
162 games to 60.
Baseball has been
making efforts
to speed up our
national pastime,
but who could have
predicted a pan-
demic would speed
up a season?
As I’
m writing this column
on July 26, our beloved ball club
is arguably the league’
s biggest
surprise. Fasten your seat belts:
After three games we are 2-1, tied
for first place in the American
League Central division! At this
time last year the Tigers were
32½ games behind the Minnesota
Twins. Gardenhire for manager
of the year? Just sayin’
.
In this asterisk of a season,
the Tigers will not be playing
Yankees, Red Sox or Orioles, oh
my! As a matter of fact, to reduce
exposure to COVID-19, they
won’
t be traveling or playing any
American League team outside
their own division. By the end
of the season, you could be a
Minnesota fan. Ten of Detroit’
s
last 27 games alone are against
the Twins.
For this abbreviated season,
MLB has increased the number
of eligible playoff teams from
10 to 16 of the combined 30
American and National League
teams. They want to make as
many clubs as possible feel like
winners. Sort of like when players
on your kid’
s 0-10 soccer team
get a participation trophy at the
end of the season. Rumor has it
that major league baseball players’
moms will be handing out orange
slices to their sons during the sev-
enth inning stretch.
Flicking through TV channels
last week, I caught a ball game
where the home team had put
life-sized cut-outs of fans in the
stadium. It was surreal. The com-
mentator made a great observa-
tion when a foul ball was hit into
the stands. He likened it to being
at a fair. Knock down a cutout
cardboard fan with a ball, win a
prize!
Then I discovered that Fox
Sports is inserting virtual fans
and sound effects into their tele-
casts using what’
s called Pixatope
software. The first thought I had
was, wouldn’
t it be great if, during
a lopsided score in a game, virtual
fans would leave? Apparently yes!
Fox Sports production and oper-
ation chief Brad Ziegler recently
told Variety magazine: “If it’
s
an 8-1 game, the crowd can be
thinned out.
”
I have some additional sugges-
tions:
Send a strong message by
showing virtual fans sitting
socially distanced in the stands
and all wearing masks.
Make the games even more
true to life by showing an obnox-
ious screaming virtual fan getting
into an argument with an usher
for not wearing one.
Give the virtual fans a well-
deserved break by allowing them
to buy a hot dog, popcorn and
pop for under $100.
Just for laughs, allow the
Houston Astros to use virtual
fans to steal signs.
I’
m not suggesting this, but
I’
m betting it won’
t take long
for some tech-savvy fan to hack
into a game and create a virtual
streaker running across the field.
Finally, in the great movie A
League of their Own, Tom Hanks,
as manager, indignantly tells one
of his female ballplayers that
“
there’
s no crying in baseball.
”
Can you imagine his indignation
if he were told there’
s no spitting
in baseball?
MLB has banned spitting over
concerns for coronavirus spread,
which begs the question, will
the sunflower seed industry be
eligible for a government stim-
ulus check? By the way, crotch
grabbing when stepping into the
batter’
s box is still legal.
This just in … MLB has agreed
to allow telecasts to insert virtual
sunflower seed spitting. Oh well,
spitting is saliva and well. Play
ball!
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/
acting talent, speaker and emcee. Visit
his website at laughwithbigal.com.
Like Al on Facebook and reach him at
amuskovitz@renmedia.us.
Views
Abortion and
Jewish Values
Amy Cutler’
s column titled “The
Fight For Reproductive Freedom”
(July 23, pg. 8) was extremely dis-
appointing. I was upset to see the
way she twisted Judaism to fit her
own views. She claims, “Jewish
tradition views abortion as essen-
tial healthcare not only permitted
but, in some cases, required
when a life is at risk.
” Abortion is
only permitted, and at that point
required, when the mother’
s life
is in danger. (Note: this can also
mean mentally, but an Orthodox
rabbi must be consulted.) The
fetus is viewed as a human being,
according to Judaism. Therefore,
if the fetus is endangering the
mother, it has the status of
“
rodef” — one who is pursuing
another with the intent of killing
them.
It is one thing to support abor-
tion and pro-choice; it is another
thing to twist Judaism to align
with your own agenda. I am sure
this was meant out of sincere,
but misplaced, determination for
your cause. Next time, however, I
request that if you quote “Jewish
tradition” like that, you at least
know the truth of the source.
In addition, Cutler says that
the NCJW is introducing an
“
Abortion and Jewish Values
Toolkit”
. Please do not confuse
Orthodox Judaism with Reform
Judaism, of which much of the
latter’
s value system is the antith-
esis of Orthodox Judaism. Jewish
values do not include abortion.
— Ina Meyers
Gabi Grossbard
I don’
t live in Gabi Grossbard’
s
district, but if I did, he would
have lost me at the second sen-
tence of the interview (July 16,
pg. 22). He repeats the false
narrative that both parties are
continued on page 6
letters
Al Muskovitz
PIXABAY
for openers
Play Pandemic
Ball!