 MAY 14 • 2020 | 17

Jews in the D

essay

Planning a
Virtual 
Funeral
During
COVID-19

SUSAN HILLMAN

SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

M

y 89-year-old mom, Florence 
Ackerman, was lively and fun. 
She loved people, parties and 
playing mah-jongg. Live theater was her 
favorite form of entertainment, which she 
passed on to me. She could tell a funny 
story like no one I knew. I saw her at least 
once a week, and we would always laugh 
about the silliest things. 
One recent Saturday, she wasn’
t answer-
ing the phone. I called all day. There was 
only a skeleton crew at the independent 
senior residence where she lived. When I 
called and asked for help, two employees 
went to check on her and informed me that 
she was in bed because she said she was 
tired. I tried calling again. No answer. I was 
aware that one case of COVID-19 had been 
reported in her building. My instinct was to 
go see her anyway.
When I arrived (with my gloves on), 
she was in bed, somewhat incoherent, but 
she knew it was me. A full day’
s worth of 
food (that had been delivered to her door 
by staff) was stacked in the kitchen. She 
had a fever, was shaking and had not taken 
her diabetic medication. I got her up and 
dressed and called 911. It felt like a movie 
when the EMTs came decked out in masks 
and gloves. As they wheeled her out, I threw 
some of her clothes in a suitcase, hoping she 
would come back to my house after being 
released from the hospital.
My husband and I were not allowed in 
the hospital, so we went home. Later that 
night she was diagnosed with pneumonia 
and then COVID-19. I got a chance to 
speak with her twice. The first time she 

complained about the staff constantly ask-
ing her name. She then asked the next per-
son, “What’
s your name?” That was indic-
ative of her feisty personality. One of the 
doctors later told me he was glad to have 
seen that side of her. The second time she 
asked me to get things from her apartment. 
I sadly told her I couldn’
t go back. “Because 
of the virus?” she asked. “Yes,
” I replied. She 
knew that she had it. Two days later she was 
unresponsive. After 10 days in hospice, she 
passed away.
My husband and I planned her graveside 
service. Her family’
s plots were in Elmont, 
New York, on Long Island, and she wanted 
to be buried next to my father. We knew we 
couldn’
t attend the service. Even my brother, 
who lives in New Jersey, knew it wasn’
t safe 
to go. Jonathan Dorfman of the Dorfman 
Chapel professionally and caringly helped 
with the arrangements. Her body would be 
flown to New York and a local funeral home 
would transport her to the cemetery.
My husband Mal’
s cousins (who live near 
the cemetery) were gracious enough to ask 
their rabbi to perform the service. The rabbi 
and I spoke over the phone for 30 minutes 
about my mother. She said she would be 
happy to use Zoom so we could see the ser-
vice and burial, and she would also record 
it. Whoever knew about Zoom before our 

current crisis? Not me. 
Our cousins agreed to go to the cemetery 
to help the rabbi. A friend also surprised 
us and attended in person. We sent Zoom 
invitations to many family members and 
friends around the country. Twenty-three 
families participated from California, 
Florida, Illinois, Louisiana, Massachusetts, 
Montana, Michigan and Ohio. Many of 
them would not have been able to attend if 
the funeral had been held during healthier 
days. I read a favorite poem of my mother’
s. 
Seeing her casket lowered into the ground 
and the traditional dirt shoveled in made 
her death a reality for me.
I’
m grateful we live in this technological 
age to make a virtual burial possible, con-
sidering our current circumstances. The 
families and friends who “attended” were a 
blessing. I also did a virtual shivah. It does 
sadden me that I couldn’
t be there in person 
or have a “real” shivah, but I would rec-
ommend making use of the technology to 
those in my situation. I watched the record-
ed service and sent it to those not able to be 
there. They appreciated that.
When this virus is under control, my 
family will go in person to the cemetery, 
hopefully for her unveiling. Until then, I 
would like to thank the creators of Zoom. 
Rest in peace, Mom. 

COURTESY OF SUSAN HILLMAN

Susan Hillman and her late mother, Florence Ackerman.

